Only a Lawyer Could Get Lost Going to Court

You may or may not know that I am severely directionally challenged.

Today I was on the other side of the law - the Juror.  Called to Jury Duty.

The instructions said arrive at 7:45.  Right.  I happen to know nothing happens in that Courthouse (or any courthouse) that involves juries before 9am.  Last time I got called to Jury Duty and actually showed up at the "appointed" time I sat for 90 minutes waiting.  So I figured I'd get there around 8ish.

I left a little later than anticipated.  So 8 would be a hustle.

But around 8 I was approaching the courthouse.  Or So I Thought.

I turned a block early to catch the better parking (forget what the jury instructions said about parking.  Amateurs.).  I looked for the parking garage I knew behind the Courthouse.  No Parking Garage.  No Courthouse.  Huh?

Drove around and around and around a few block for 10 minutes.  WTF  did they move the Courthouse?!  OK I've only been to this one once because I practice all over the state, but seriously?  I've been downtown dozens of times at an opposing lawyer's office who is right behind the courthouse....OMG he's right behind the FEDERAL courthouse and I need the STATE courthouse.  I am an idiot.  And totally blanking on where the state courthouse is.

Finally I start to panic at 8:10 and pop up the GPS.  Oh my holy hell I'm 4 blocks off and have to cross the damn bridge I've been avoiding because I thought for SURE it was on this side of the bridge.  I forget a parking garage all together, dump it at a meter out front and run in at 8:15.

I get to the Jury room, literally hundreds of people are there, sitting in the dark, staring at the dumb girl coming in 1/2 hour late, and getting all kinds of instructions.  That I'm missing.  But really? I think I know what I'm supposed to do.

So the really nice (not kidding) woman from the clerk's office asks me about my parking ticket validation.  I say, "Oh I'm at a meter."  And a look of horror crosses her face as she informs me a meter won't do as I'll likely be there ALL DAY.  Then I have to admit.  "OK I'm a lawyer, totally directionally challenged and couldn't find the juror parking garage."

So she hands me THIS:

And there it is, in giant letters and arrows, how to go around the block and magically find the juror parking garage.  At least I'm not the first person who couldn't find the juror lot.

But this kind lady takes it one step further.  She points to the windows, orients me behind the map in the proper geographic position and says, "HERE is where we are, HERE is where your car is HERE is where the garage is."  GO!

Only a lawyer like me could get lost going to the Courthouse.

And of course I spent the whole day there and did not get picked for a jury.  Which I would have LOVED.  Hell I didn't even get as far as a jury PANEL.

Sigh.

The Problem with Working in the City

Last night I stayed up way too late playing Angry Birds, playing Shark Attack, drafting a brief.  Which means less than 3 hours sleep.  Which means I am totally exhausted by 2pm.

I finished Facebooking, surfing the net, blogging, drafting the brief at work around 2 and was waiting for comments so I  decided to walk around the block to the local drug store and get some comfort food some health food some makeup.  The weatherman said we were going to have horrible terrible storms including hail and dangerous flood-warning rain, which meant it was gorgeous and sunny outside.  Not kidding.

The walk over wasn't bad - it's a couple blocks, just the right amount to wake me up a little so that I could go back to blogging, facebooking, drafting the brief.

The walk home, however, was dreadful.

There are 37.5 restaurants between my office and the drug store.  All crammed on two blocks!  Really!  Ok There are only 3 plus a coffee shop plus Frozen Yogurt plus a deadly Cupcake shop that I have miraculously managed to avoid for months.  And no that is all true, not kidding.  Anyway, on my way back from the drug store, I have to walk right through the lovely outdoor cafe of the Mexican restaurant where damned tourists happy-go-lucky, carefree individuals are sitting outside, drinking giant margaritas!  I ask you, where is the Justice?  How can they just sit there and torment me?

I check my watch - it's 2:37 p.m. - too late for lunch which I already had (if Lean Cuisine counts?  Sadly it does).  It's too early for happy hour and plus I have more Facebooking to do a brief to finish, and I have a game tonight.

I realize then and there that I must get out of this city.  The stress is killing me.

BURIED

This Blogger has officially been Buried.....under an avalanche of work commonly known as the "back to school = back to court" lifestyle of the litigator. No I do not know why litigation is cyclical. Judges are back in the courtrooms, people are ready to sue. Stranger than fiction.

So Buffett pictures are coming, school updates are coming, life updates are coming.

As soon as I unbury myself......

A whole new meaning for "PIP"

Twice in 2 days I've been called a PIP.

Something like this:

OR maybe This:

Images are not mine - found through Google images at denver dog. and Fondos.images.

Yes, My new nickname is PITBULL IN PINK. one client (a friend) called me that and one partner (female and friend) called me that. I don't think I'm offended. I'm pretty sure I think it's hilarious.

Today I'm all in black and professional in my sheath (no I'm not going to a funeral wise a$$), but with adorable Betty Boop shoes. A girl has to be a girl after all. Even if she's a pitbull.

LOL!

Are we Working or Eating?

I like to get to the office "early." Early for lawyers is before 9am. Most of my group gets in around 8.

But no one is working. Or at least I finally noticed that today. As I walked down the hall to get my 8am Diet Coke, I noticed everyone sitting at their desk...eating.

Is it just Americans who eat at their desks? Why don't we stay home and have breakfast with our families? Do we rush out the door to beat the horrid DC traffic then catch breakfast at work?

Is this healthy? Strange? Or Just American?

Oh No I Didn't

Well, I knew it but hoped I'd get lucky. I didn't pass the Florida Bar Exam. But it's ok because somehow I managed to pass 1/2 of it, which is more than I thought. Yes I managed to garble enough blah blah blah to pass the essay/multi-choice part for the Florida piece. The Multi-State, which I didn't even open a book for, I failed. Good news is Florida lets you take just the 1/2 you failed. And considering I passed that multi-state 1/2 a looooong time ago when I first graduated, I know I can pass it again - if I study.

So what did I do on the bus ride back from Toronto with all my Band Geeks from the High School Competition? (What Band Geek Competition you ask? Yeah I'm a little behind....) Yep, I studied. Just 3 months left til I take it again. And this time? I'm PASSING.

But I'm still getting truffle fries anyway....

When a Friend Isn't a Friend and It's time to Tell Her

I have had this Friend. We've known each other for years, starting about 10 years ago in Sunday School. Friend always seemed to be in the midst of a calamity - financially oriented. She's sweet and nice and well educated, but something about her, something about her life, invites financial disaster.

About 4 years ago she came to me in despair, asking for a "loan" if I could just spare it. She laid the guilt trip on me, too, because I am comfortable financially although not without my share of bills. But I have been blessed never to wonder how I could possibly pay the mortgage/rent. At the time I was married and so had that extra layer of financial support. So I wrote her a check. And not a small one. She assured me it was a "loan" and that when she got on her feet, she'd pay it back. I never expected to see it again.

About a year later she came to me again. Again in despair. Again begging for help. Again I wrote her a check - smaller this time, but still enough for her rent. I was still married and Ex had a cow. I told him it would be the last time.

After the divorce, she came to me again. I said No. I said I had my own difficulties and now I as a single parent and No. She was relentless - showing up at my office, calling me, telling me how outrageous it was and not her fault that she ended up in this situation. She showed up at my church where I was teaching Sunday School under the guise of "I've always wanted to come to your church" but after class she just wanted a check. Her situation was a mess. And so, I rented her a car (she had an accident and totaled hers, her fault, and no collision insurance). Without a car she couldn't work. Without work she couldn't pay the rent. 1 week of rental was all I gave her. And I demanded that we sit down with her bills and her finances and talk about budgeting and how to get her out of her situation. I do have financial training and thought that rather than just write her a check, I could help her with my other skills. She was very angry and didn't want to talk about it. I insisted but we didn't get very far.

OH and by the way, did I hear from her in between? No. Not really. I was busy and didn't care if I'm being totally honest. But it got to the point where if I saw her number pop up (thank GOD for caller ID) or got an email or a voice mail at work, I avoided it.

Last month it started again - she called under the guise of "How are you?" And I laid it on thickly - all the financial struggles, the pay cuts at work, the layoffs, impending college bills, possible home repairs because of the monster storm. On and on. Of course she was really calling for money and I fortunately gave her the impression that I couldn't possibly give her money. Then this week she called again - not intent to leave a message, but texting, calling, urgently tracking me. It wasn't enough for me to tell her I was busy and couldn't talk.

Finally today I called her back when I had 5 minutes - literally 5 minutes between calls - to let her know I had no money for her. And I told her, "The only time you call me is for money. That's a one way relationship that can't continue." Boy did I get the wrath of God thrown at me - she challenged me to "Find that in the Bible." And I said, "Find what - the fact that you only call me when you want something? I don't think that's going to be in the Bible." She said, "All the other people don't accuse me of this" and I said, "Maybe you give them more time and attention than you do me, or maybe they are just afraid to speak the truth." She tried to tell me that "this" was not in my heart. I said, "You don't know what's in my heart or my head so don't try to tell me what is there."

Plus? I'm out of town and going to be out of town until the 12th - how can I write you a check? She had the nerve to tell me I could wire the money to her!!!!

She said I was "pretending to be too busy to talk to her." I said, "WHAT? You don't think I work 60 hours a week, am a single parent, am dealing with my own strife? You don't think I was in a restaurant having Lunch yesterday with my Daughter, taking time out of a hectic travel/college visit when you called? You don't think I was in a Meeting with Big Potential Client today when you texted me? You don't think I'm on a train right now and have a conference call in 5 minutes?!!" The NERVE.

It was hard. This is a person who I don't think is a "bad" or "evil" person. I think she has incredible strings of bad luck. I do think she is a person of Great Faith. I don't know why all these things happen to her. But I did decide that although God does ask us to help each other out, that there comes a time when I get to decide (not her) if I should help her. And somehow helping her hasn't helped her. Once she demanded that I "had" to pay for her Real Estate license so that she could supplement her income. I told her 1) a real estate license is a bad idea right now [about 2 years ago right before the house/mortgage crash] 2)I don't HAVE to provide such things for her - I'm still paying off my own law school debt 3) if she thinks it's such a great idea, get a night job at McDonald's, save the $600 in a month and get the license herself!!

It was hard to tell her No. It was harder to say, "This is a one way friendship and I'm out." It is harder to wonder if perhaps God does expect me to take care of her. I don't know. There is a lot in the Bible about "whatsoever you do for the least of my Brother, that you do unto me." My own family has serious financial struggles but no one has asked me to pay their rent or demanded I buy things for them. Perhaps she is in more serious and desperate straights than they are. But something about this is telling me, "Enough is enough."

Is it Guilt telling me I'm wrong? Or just that I have lived my life as a Pleaser and let people manipulate me? I don't know....

I do know that my own 17 year old Daughter said (yesterday), "Mom this is a 1 way relationship - you need to tell her about the 4 kinds of relationships and tell her that when 1 person is doing all the giving, that's not a healthy relationship." Wow. out of the Mouths of Babes.

Then I decided it was better not to know

I was helping a sister out at work, badging her back onto her floor on the elevator and then letting her into her floor because she forgot her badge on her desk (not an uncommon error as we often hear people banging on the stairwell doors when they've locked themselves out. Can be embarrassing yes).

As I commonly do with peeps on the elevator, I introduced myself. Why yes, I do try to meet new people in my office. We have 600 attorneys (yes that's not a typo) and lots of staff. My kids have asked me if I know everyone, and I tell them, "No but I'm working on it." So today I said, "By the way, I'm M.E." And she said, "Yes I know who you are. My name's Jane."

Jane appeared to be a young associate. I am fairly certain I have never seen her before although I am NOT good at names and faces. But still, that whole, "I know who you are" is a bit scary.

It's not like I'm a partner who has accomplished things that everyone knows. We have some awesome superstars here (I'm talking Supreme Court landmark decisions, former Senators, former Cabinet members. Celebrities of sorts). I am NOT one of them. So I almost asked, "How do you know me?"

Then I thought about it.

I am a former "Bocce Idol" contestant. You know, karaoke in front of the whole firm. When you can't sing. [that post has been deleted for reasons of stupid hijackers]. I am a former Bocce Champion of the Firm. I've played Sarah Palin as a Halloween Costume Judge (our firm's Halloween party is kick ass). I've been called out by the Managing Partner at "all Firm" meetings as one of his Peeps who speaks her mind.

So I decided perhaps I didn't really want to know how she knows me. Then I can pretend it's because she knows me as the Firm's Chairman of the Associates' Committee. (thank goodness I have at least one Firm-related activity that's dignified!)

Done Communicating with Men

I have noticed a pattern recently in my life - I am constantly misquoted, misunderstood, misconstrued, misrepresented or simply blown off by the men in my life. And I'm done. It seems the harder I try, whether it's being more precise (and using shorter sentences) in emails, or speaking slowly and clearly, what I am saying or trying to achieve is so clouded as to be incomprehensible.

Yes I admit that sometimes I am not the clearest communicator, despite doing it for a living. But it's just getting ridiculous. For example (just in the last 3 days):

1) Email to Ex telling him that although Son wanted to go to Possible Future College for a visit this weekend, I couldn't take him until March 31. So Ex, FYI, I'm taking Son out of school March 31 and going to PFC. Ex's response? "You can't go with Son this weekend - I need him for X,Y.Z" HUH? I'M NOT TAKING HIM THIS WEEKEND.

2) Email to Ex telling him that Son was complaining about teeth and thought there was an infection so we stopped by Pediatrician who said check with Dentist re: wisdom teeth and they might need to come out. So I made appointment with Dentist for Son. (despite being with Ex this week, I got the complaints and made the Dr visits etc). Ex writes back: "Circle back with Dr. X [the dentist] first as I would value his opinion more than the Pediatrician." HUH? I SAID SON HAS AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE DENTIST - THE ONLY DENTIST WE'VE HAD THEIR ENTIRE 17 YEARS.

3) Partner tells me client said, "I'll call you in 20 minutes" but never did. I say, "Gee, I had the same thing happen about something else with same client. He never called me. And, honestly, it's difficult to get a hold of him which is essential if I'm going to help him." Partner says, "Why are you getting annoyed? What do you need to do right now?" [Partner is not litigator but it's His client, so although I am running case, I am forced to try to communicate my very different job with a non-litigator.] Conversation goes on for 13.76 grueling minutes in which no matter what I say I am misconstrued. We circle back to the reason Partner called - to inform me Client hasn't ponied up the extra $$$ for impending litigation. I was the one who told Partner we needed more money b/c "just filing suit" wasn't going to be enough and Client wanted War. Partner apparently totally forgot that - despite the fact that I had previously emailed it AND told him that over the phone. [typically we don't ask for big $$$ unless there's a good reason - like you want me to fly all over the country and take depositions and pummel them with discovery requests, etc.]. Eventually I just stopped talking, agreed with the Partner on whatever point he was trying to make, thanked him, and hung up. Aggravated.

3) Client emails me random "urgent" notice and asks if we can talk about it tomorrow. I immediately respond "Yes" with times. It's now tomorrow afternoon and client has not responded in any manner.

4) I email Other Partner to ask for advice on issue. Included in email was the "holy grail" of a lawyer's life, the client number to which he could charge his time for his advice - so if you get an email with one, you notice it. usually. After 4 or 6 exchanges (very enlightening and helpful, as this Other Partner always is), he asks me for the Client Number to charge his time. Oh you mean the one I gave to you in the initial email when I asked for help?

To be fair to these men, I have been on lots of cold medicine, antibiotics, steroids, and codeine trying to get healthy. And I also have lots of trouble communicating with my assistant who is a woman. So There is a Very Good Chance the problem is mine, not theirs. But just in case? I'm done talking to Men.

Oh except the Captain, who has the amazing ability to listen, remember, respond appropriately, and generally be an excellent communicator, friend and confidante. Good thing. Otherwise? My head would explode.

When Not Passing a Bar is OK

Thanks to the well wishers and positive peeps out there who give me more credit than I deserve. The whole "not passing the bar" thing has nothing to do with my intelligence or lack thereof - I know I can pass a bar (unless it's having a GREAT happy hour), but I also know you really have to study. A Lot. I met lots of practicing attorneys who were there taking it the second time because, surprise surprise, they didn't have time to study the first time.

But I asked you all "why didn't I study when I had the chance?" And kudos to Suzy who hit it spot on: I simply wasn't ready.

And I think this all has to do with The Big Move, which in many ways resembles The Big Divorce. For many years I knew I wanted to be Divorced from Ex, but the actual doing part was so hard. There were kids to consider, and stuff, and moving, and splitting up, and telling people, and being an outcast and admitting certain failures, and hiring a lawyer, and filing court papers. Etc etc etc. But finally, after many years I got up the courage, set the wheels in motion, and pulled the plug.

And Now? It feels great and I know it was the right thing to do.

Looking back on the Florida Bar experience this week, I realize that just going and taking the test, even without studying, was the right thing to do. It helped me focus, made the decision more real. And now I know that I do want to pass this - I do want to make plans to move. I might not move this year or next, but I want to position myself so that when the time is right - when the job is right and it feels right with the kids - then I will be in a position to Go.

As my sister told me, "How do you eat that elephant? One bite at a time...."

Thanks Sissy.

Well that Stunk

Day one of the two day test - I was excited for the support from my previous post below and from my facebook friends. I foolishly thought I stood a chance.

The morning session was essays - and really the one thing I studied. I got three easy topics which I had predicted and hit pretty much a home run.

Then I found out the afternoon was all multiple choice, ALL Florida Law. Oops.

Doomed.

I think of the 100 questions I was sure about the answer for ... exactly one. I wish I were exaggerating.

I found out that a lot of people come back to repeat today's part. Tomorrow is supposed to be the easier part. Tomorrow - the part I studied for Not. At. All.

I also found a fellow out-of-state lawyer who also did great this morning and knew 5 questions this afternoon.

As we parted ways, I said, "See you in July!"

Grrrrr.

Going to Take A Test

The day (two actually) is finally here - the Florida Bar Exam. What the hell was I thinking when I started the paperwork for this last Fall? Oh right - that someday I want to live in Florida!

Well someday is going to have to be very very far in the distant future, because I have studied about 10 hours for this test. It requires about 100 hours of study. I have been working my butt off, fooling around procrastinating when not working, and generally doing anything but studying.

Why is it that I have not studied I wonder? I have pondered this a lot in the last three weeks - instead of studying, of course. Remember, I was snowed in for a week, with no power for 3 days = lots of time to study, right? But I didn't. I studied for maybe an hour or two. That's all. Why?

I honestly don't know. Perhaps I am so afraid of failing this thing that I figure if I don't study then if I fail, well, no biggie because I couldn't be expected to pass it. Perhaps I'm just so stressed over work that when I'm not working I don't want to study. I billed 255 hours in January. Billed - that doesn't count all the time I'm actually at the office. Do the math....

I do know that I do want to move to Florida. I have been looking at jobs on line down there and I keep thinking "yes yes move!" But I also love my job here and I just got a whopping raise. What I'd truly like best is for my firm to open a Florida office. There has been such talk but it's probably two or more years in the future. Can I wait that long? Well, the question is do I want to wait that long? The answer is NO.

Oh and in case you're wondering, it cost me about $1600 not including hotels and travel to take this test...and I am paying for it myself. Should be incentive enough, eh? Apparently not.

So why didn't I study? Why aren't I studying now instead of blogging?

If anyone has an opinion, I'd love to hear it.

More Surprising than Love from My Credit Cards...

Everyone knows Teenagers can be Tough. They can be self-centered. They can be ego-centric. They can be combative.

But sometimes, they can just knock your sox all to hell and back.

Last night (and the night before) were AWESOME Teenage nights.

I started working full-time on January 1. Full time as an attorney means 2200 hours a year. You do the math....

So making dinner, grocery shopping, homework, schlepping, those all take the place of sleep.

Unless you have teenagers like mine.

This year they drop me off at the metro on their way to school and pick me up whenever I call them to get me in the evenings. So far so good. Saves me about $150 a month in parking alone - net - as in $240 to park - $90 average for metro a month.

Tuesday night I got home around 6:45 - kids were starving. I threw together some quesadillas and daughter asked if I wanted to watch a movie. HA! Movie? I have to grocery shop! and Clean! And I have a 9:45 pm championship soccer game!

She said, "Watch the movie - then I'll go grocery shopping." So I did. Then, not only did they both go to the grocery store, but they came to my game and cheered us on . No we didn't win but we sure had fun! And Daughter drove me home, which is always nice.

Last night I again got home around 7pm, and again they were starving. As I walked in the house, I thought I had the wrong house. Actually, it started when I got into the car - which was totally vacuumed and cleaned out. The house? Spotless - kitchen scrubbed, drawers cleaned out, trash out, fireplace cleaned out and firebox freshly stacked with new wood; then we put away all the Christmas boxes and Daughter vacuumed upstairs without being asked. I tell you, it was the most relaxing, rewarding, amazing thing. Ever.

I think they are coming to understand that I work full time because two college bills will be starting in the fall and my career needs a little boost to pay for that. They know I try to give them what they need and more when I think it's good. Like Jamaica. They are great to help when asked - but to do all this without being asked? Simply amazing.

And that is way better than personal thank yous from my credit card company. Every time.

And Then BANG IT was 2010

I had all good intentions of posting our family christmas poem (yes I send one of those as a Christmas Card) and then I had all kinds of cool stories to tell about Christmas eve and Christmas morning, but first I had to jump on a plane to go to warm, sunny, beautiful Florida to be with the Captain. So blogging Had to Wait.

And then we went to the Captain's Mom's for the weekend - I had only met her once before - and we enjoyed an awesome weekend of cooking, shopping, and playing Dominoes (the lady is a rum-sipping Card Shark I tell you!). So Blogging Had to Wait.

Then I was just hanging out thinking about beaches and sunshine and thinking about Blogging. Foolishly I thought I had time to Blog. So Blogging Had to Wait.

Then BAM one of my dormant cases explodes. Fortunately or unfortunately, the client was just 20 miles from the Captain's house, so I was able to spend my vacation days at the client's preparing for a hearing and drove home each night to the Captain, a glass of wine, and dinner. So Blogging Had to Wait.

New Year's Eve in Miami? Well let's just say it doesn't suck. 80 degrees, shorts, sailing to Bayshore to watch fireworks, too much champagne, lots of good friends and good food. So Blogging Had to Wait.

I spent New Year's Day .... Not blogging. Drafting a brief for this case. So Blogging had to wait.

And every day since, I have worked my butt off on the case. Yep, you got it. So Blogging Has to Wait.

I am back to work full time now. Meaning I actually get paid full time for the work I've been doing for 5 years but being paid part time. The switch is now I have the pressure of having to bill 1900+ hours and then there are 300 + hours of required non-billables (you know, marketing, professional development, pro bono). I have a feel? Blogging Will Have to Wait.

Happy New Year to All my Blogging buddies. Blogging will likely be somewhat scarce in 2010. Or maybe it won't be - as this is THE YEAR THE KIDS GRADUATE. There have already been many exciting moments as the kids received their acceptances (and a rejection sadly) to the Universities. We're still waiting for more info, but I think Daughter is off to the College of Charleston! Woot! Son is very undecided, but going North to Snowboard and play Rugby somewhere. Maybe he'll even attend classes! There will be the Prom, a band trip to Canada, Graduation (GASP!) and lots of fun times I hope. We are blessed indeed.

Back to work for me! Yes it is 4 a.m. Sleep is apparently optional in 2010.

that's when i knew it was time to go home

Standing in the elevator at work, which requires a security badge in order to make it function, I swipe my badge, push the button, but my floor refuses to light up. I go through this exercise two more times, starting to curse at the "broken" elevator. And that's when I realized I was already on the 6th floor and I needed to go to 8. I forgot where I was and where I was going. Apparently I am no longer able to bill 30 hours by Tuesday and still function as a human being....

So I went home. And couldn't sleep. it figures.

ALMOST the biggest most embarrasing Faux Pas!

I signed on to be a mentor to a first year law student at my law school. Because, yeah, I'm not already working more than full time (and being paid part time) and I have time for this!

Well hopefully I will have time, just not this week.

But anyway, I signed up and my Mentee immediately emailed me, so I agreed to meet before 3 weeks passed.

My mentee's name? Abteen. I got a resume. Looked at it. (impressive). Looking forward to meeting this nice, young lady and hopefully find some way to help/encourage her.

I was running late (woot there is a surprise). We had exchanged cell phone numbers so I called her.

And a man answered. Huh?

Yep, Abteen is a boy. Oops. Glad I called so that my shock and awe was over the phone and not written all over my face. Not that I can't be a mentor for a boy. I just assumed it was a girl. I don't know why. Oops again.

And Then we were in Navalmoral

I wrote this from Spain but it never posted. So here it is, a little late......

I admit it may not look like much. It is but a small town in the countryside of Spain. Population 17,500. The town dates wayyyy back, like most towns in Spain probably do. It is an important "way point" for travelers both north and south as well as east west. But for me? Coming into this town? It was so much more.....
As we approached the town, I had very strange feelings. Things looked a little different, but mostly I recognized them. Part of me was the girl who left 12 years ago, the girl who was rejected, unloved, facing divorce with 2 small 4 year old kids and no job or career. The Girl who thought Spain would be a great job opportunity for the Ex and a fun opportunity for the family. It was those things but it was also the end of the Relationship (ok so it took 11 more years to really do the deed, but Spain? Was the End). It was in Spain where he first told me he didn't love me. It was Spain where we sat at the table and divided our stuff. Spain where we fought the most. Spain where I tried to be so many things and failed at all of them.



But this was a new person entering an old town. I am not the Girl who left; I am the Woman who is returning to share an adventure with her teenagers. And as we got closer to our old friends' new house (God Bless GPS) there was nothing but excitement.

OK we are a little older, a little heavier, but the smiles? Just as big. And the laughter? Even grander. It was so exciting to see their new, finished house; the house they dreamed of when we lived in Spain and indeed, the house they started building when we were there. Every knook and cranny was full of beauty and thought. Tinin did most of it himself - three floors of living, the bottom floor a large room for living during the summer when it's 110 degrees (there is no air conditioning in Spain), the middle floor a complete apartment for his parents, the top floor a 4 bedroom apartment for his family. It is truly magnificant.

Mila and I spent an afternoon, just the two of us, enjoying the bottom floor, drinking diet coke and talking about the old times, the times since the old times, the future times. And yes we did this all in Spanish. She is a wonderful teacher and very patient with me. Talking with her helped me to let go of the girl I was 12 years ago. And she shared with me something so direct, so Mila, it let me close the book on the old, bad Spanish memories. We didn't really talk much about Ken and me - she was not the least bit surprised by the divorce and she could sense that I had moved past it. But we were talking about her and Tinin and life in general. And she said this - both in English and Spanish to make sure I "got it." Mila is a very direct person. She holds nothing back. And she is very smart and very opinionated in a way that is endearing because she doesn't belittle your point of view, she just let's you know she has one of her own. She said, "Here's what I think of your relationship with Ken. This is what we all thought: he was the kind of guy who wanted to have a beautiful wife to take out when he went out. And when he got home from work, you are there taking care of the kids and the house and better have dinner on the table. And he doesn't want to hear what you have to say. He doesn't appreciate you. You were a Thing to him. Am I right?" And I said, "Well he wasn't that bad really. He has a lot of good qualities." And she just looked at me like, "Yeah right." And she said, "you know, we never really liked him...."

And isn't that sad? Because he could be a really nice guy. But somehow they saw what I refused to see back then. And so, little by little, I can let things go. And instead enjoy today. This is what today brings:

Here the nearly-grown face of the lovely 4 year old child we left 12 years ago and last saw last summer when she came to the states. She is beautiful, funny, gracious, loving. The kids were so excited to see her again.



And here? The "new" edition to the family - an exceedingly bright, energetic young lady,10 years old. She is a fabulous Spanish teacher and has the natural ability to pronounce English words correctly.

Tomorrow we leave this family and go off on more adventures in Spain. The kids will ultimately return to stay with our friends for a couple more weeks, but I must go home and get back to work. I am truly sad to leave this place. I feel like there's so much more I want to do. It has been amazing to wander the streets and revisit old shops and people I knew so long ago. It has been interesting to show the kids where they went to school and where we lived. They remember almost nothing.

This time instead of tears and fears of the future, I take with me good memories, possibilities, futures. Tinin and Mila have an amazing relationship. They have created for themselves a wonderful life in this tiny, somewhat remote Spanish town. They have faced challenges together and overcome them. When he comes home from work, he gives her a real hello kiss. When we are wandering around sightseeing and they have a moment alone, they take the opportunity to embrace and enjoy each other. They tease each other at home and love each other completely. It is something so rare and something I have spent much time contemplating. And it has enlightened me. I now know why I am compelled to move to Florida.

My life in Washington is a machine. I work my butt off when I don't have the kids and tire my brain out when I do have the kids trying to juggle everything. I don't live life so much as I survive life. But life doesn't have to be this way. I am hoping that a life change will allow me to experience life, not just survive it. Oh Florida is not Spain. There won't be guaranteed socialistic employment. There won't be long siestas and 6 hour work days. There won't be sleeping until noon and wandering the streets until after midnight (Ok maybe we can do this sometimes). But perhaps I can find a balance. Perhaps I can find a place where the people are happier, the living is more open, the life a tad slower. Perhaps I can live life and experience every day instead of being glad when the day is over and I can retreat to my bed.

Perhaps.

When the Days and Nights are Backwards

A funny thing happened during trial - my days and nights became all days and now I can't find my nights.

I can't sleep. At least not when I'm supposed to.

Last night I bopped around the house alone (kids began their stint with Ex) and did laundry until 130 a.m. I kept telling myself to GO TO BED. I knew I had to get up at 530ish which became 6ish which became 630shitish-my-hair-is-a-disaster-and-I-have-a-big-meeting-today. But I just wasn't sleepy last night.

Even after a kickass weekend. Saturday we gardened and cleaned and ate out and went shopping and should be all tired right? Nope watched old movies til 230 a.m.

Up at 7 a.m. with the dogs, who decided rolling in Deer Poop would be a fun Mother's Day present. So before teaching Sunday School I got to bathe 2 dogs and then try to dry and brush them. Stinky? 2 minutes total all the way around. Queen Bee? I should still be brushing her. And the bathroom floor? Looked tan instead. Could not see the black tile, I kid you not. Thankfully the 16YO's finally woke up and quickly vacuumed for me.

the Rest of Mother's day was awesome - Daughter had a soccer game, I had a soccer game. I have learned to score and win and play my ass off without hurting it. This is a major accomplishment!

so when I got home at 10 pm from my game? Wasn't I tired after 4 hours of sleep the night before and a lot of "running" around? Apparently not.

So today? I fell asleep as soon as I got home from work at 5pm. And slept until 9pm. And now? I'm wide awake. Doing the project I should have done today. Oh wait, I think I'm blogging actually instead of working. Meaning tomorrow? Will be another day of 4 hours of sleep.

How do I get my nights back where they belong??!!

At least the Shoes were Killer

Sometimes you just have to take comfort knowing that when all else goes down the toilet, at least you were wearing killer shoes and looking good.

After 6 days of Trial - one extra day because the sewer system in the great city of Baltimore collapsed and created havoc on the city for a week, shutting down all hotels, eateries and the Court for 1 day - we got a jury verdict. And it wasn't good. At least not for my side.

It's hard to put in 300 hours in 1 month, fall in love with your client (no not like that, I mean these are just really good, awesome people), get a rapport going with your DreamTeam and, well, the law or the jury instructions or the people or whatever, they Just. Didn't. Get. It. Were we surprised? Not really. We knew going in that this might be a tough one. Yet on another hand, we looked at it and said, "DUH - this is so simple!" But I guess it wasn't.

On the bright side? I snuck out Sunday and did power shopping. Found a carribean blue skirt suit that is, well, sharp. A little loud. But is my favorite blue color. And then. The Crowning moment. I found these:

After the trial while standing in the Courtroom waiting for the Deputy to return exhibits, the other side (all 5 of them) said, "By the way, we've all noticed and we have to tell you. Those are great shoes."

A little later, standing in front of the courthouse waiting for our car, we see Juror #1, a young, well-dressed woman who accessorizes beautifully. She asks to talk to us. I'm excited, thinking she's going to share what went on in the jury room (we can't approach them but they can ask us if they want). I explain that while I can't question her, she is free to talk to me. So she asks, "Where did you get those shoes?!"

And so? Maybe the verdict on our legal issue wasn't favorable, but the verdict on my Shoes? Pure Victory....

***Edited to add: Inquiring Minds want to know. I bought the shoes at Aldo. No not Prada. Who has that kind of money??!!

I looked down and thought Frick I better not have a meeting today.

Day 2 of Back to School, back to kids, back to Life - oh but I'm still in 16-hour-a-day-Pretrial Mode.

I have finally convinced the 16 YEAR OLDS to make their own lunches. Whaddaya know they can do dishes and even - gasp - make breakfast. So I'm getting help there. It's crunch time people and I need a team effort.

I awoke early this morning, took Queen Bee and Stinky out, made time for my 10 minute trainer - oh BTW in which he lies b/c they stop that little 10 minute clock every time they change moves, so it's really closer to 12 minutes plus warm up and hey I need 20 minutes to do my 10 minute training. But I digress...

After showering, listening to radio, hear Big Accident on our normal route - oh and we are out of gas in the car and it was raining too hard to go get gas last night. Frick Frick Frick.

Hurry up, yell to children to hurry up, grab an outfit. Do I have a meeting today? Don't remember - better wear at least a semi-suit. [we have "dress your day" - I can wear fairly casual business clothes or a suit, depending. On Fridays it's jeans or capris in the summer. Unless I have a meeting. Who plans meetings on Fridays? Not me]

Grab my old standby Talbots purple silk suit. Not really PURPLE but kind of deep purply blueish. Properly muted as only Talbots would. White shell? Naaah that's boring. Hey there's an old shell I never wear - has some purple in it, a little muted green, some grey a little black. Perfect. Throw it on. Realize I can't find my hair straightener - maybe it's at work. Hurry Hurry run run. Finish packing lunches (what? they need checking - yep they forgot the fruit) and do Son's breakfast to go. Get in car a couple minutes earlier than normal, which is about 10 minutes later than we should have.

Get the kids to school on time - small miracle - get in the driver's seat (kids do the driving to school) look down at myself in the now sunlight and realize FRICK I DO NOT MATCH. Not even a little. The purple in the shell? A bright lilacky purple that in no way can even be in the same color family as my suit. You know how when colors are in the same family but not right they're worse than say, wearing Green and orange? Yeah. It's like that.

And I mentally run through my day and think, "Please God Don't let me have a meeting today."

And then I wonder how awake my Daughter was this morning - you know, the one driving? the one who is quick to tell me how terrible I look? Did she really not NOTICE this ensemble before we left the house?!

Note to self: Keep white shell on back of office door, just in case....