At Last! I have ARRIVED

The rooms were all empty...it should have been satisfying after 8 weeks of packing.  After 2 years of planning.  After Eons of dreaming.  But instead, it was just sadly devastating.

The kids and I spent the last night on air mattresses, telling stories, crying, laughing, being together.  Early the next day, Daughter headed out early for work.  I gathered the last of my belongings, said goodbye to Stinky Butt....

Hells yes that's me crying my eyes out and Son trying to make me forget.  Ironically, this is in Ex's house....next door....

And then, the hardest thing I've had to do in a long time.  I had to drive away.  With Son standing in the driveway.  Crying along with me....

 I had made the drive south on 95 before.  I stopped in SC overnight, having cried my way through 3 1/2 states.  I awoke the next morning and finally crossed a new border I had never crossed by car.  And I was tear free!!!

 Queen Bee slept through it all....

 I began to see sunrises and opportunities I hadn't seen before...

And before I knew it - I almost missed it - My Welcome Home Sign!!!

BUT WAIT what's this??!!  Found in the "Welcome Center"  You are kidding right?  Because I am driving 600 miles right back North if you are serious!!!!!!

After 2 days and 1000 miles, I was happy when the miles left to go equaled my MPH....

No More Tears.  We are almost home!!!  (What?  Driving and taking photos?  Hey I'm not texting....)

Yeah, that's my exit...

Laughing at myself.  "WHAT  They give away POOLS here?  Love it!!  .....oh wait they mean like billiards....

I recognize this sign from the rental photos I saw on line!!

What, you didn't know I rented this without actually seeing it in person?!

Yes I trust the Captain THAT MUCH.  HE picked it out...

Queen Bee Sniffs the new turf....

No more tears.  Ahhhh yes, this is what the moving, the upheaval, the packing, the tossing, the trashing, the selling, the crying, the broken nails, bruised limbs, sleepless nights, THIS is what life is all about.....

Queen Bee Agrees...

OK oK so we didn't have any furniture yet.  We had love.  And the Captain loves my dog.  OUR dog....

WELCOME TO MY NEW HOME EVERYONE

HERE, I AM NEXT DOOR TO PARADISE......

STAY TUNED.....

When it's so good you cry

I'm a crier. I cry when things are good. I cry when things are not good. I cry when things are sappy and sentimental. So naturally I cry when my kids' band plays so well .... well, it makes me cry!

Last week I chaperoned their "Performing Arts" trip to Toronto Canada. What would posses me to get on a bus with 90 High school kids, 6 teachers (4 of whom have no kids of their own, 2 of whom are too young and inexperienced to really understand high school kids), and 4 parents and drive 14 hours each way? Because my kids asked me to.

We stopped at Niagara Falls on the way up - cold in April, let me tell you. But truly spectacular.


Then we drove "80 minutes" to Toronto. Unless it's rush hour. Then it's 2 1/2 hours. With Hungry Teenagers. Bad combination.

Toronto was beautiful, although we didn't see much of it except outside the bus windows.

Friday we went to Toronto University for the competition. First our acapella group took the stage - they were amazing. My twins aren't in that - just my "other" kids. I was so proud!! Then the Wind Ensemble took the stage. After the first song I let out a "Holy Crap!" And Brother Mark was sitting in front of me....oops sorry Brother Mark. (Yes they go to a private, Catholic school). But seriously? They were that good. Then the second song Blew. Me. Away. Including Daughter's solo that she failed to mention. And so? I cried. They were that good. And I was that proud. And this is their last trip. And they're graduating in 36 days.

So yes, I cried. And my Daugther mocked me. Go ahead. Some day you will see when you have a Daughter of your own.....

excuse me, I need to go find a tissue.

When Soliciting Recommendations is WRONG

For the dreaded Bar Exam I stayed at a dive. I pretty much figured it would be a dive. I am spoiled, used to staying in 5 star hotels for work (when someone else is paying the bill) but I? Am cheap. So I moved myself out of the beautiful $300/nite Westin, figuring "I'm just going to sleep there." and booked a room at less than 1/2 price at the Howard Johnson.

Now I did check the reviews at Hotels.com. And surprisingly, there were hundreds of reviews and most of them positive. They were qualified with "for the price... " and yes I'm not dumb enough to think I was getting the Ritz.

But now that I am here, I have discovered WHY there are so many "positive" reviews. "Write a positive review, get a free drink."

Well Duh. Who wouldn't lie for a free drink? ME THAT'S WHO. (Wait I mean who wouldn't lie on a review. Because I'm pretty sure I've told some whoppers in my past to some unsuspecting member of the male persuasion in exchange for a drink or three). As a frequent traveler , I count on those reviews to an extent as a check on "do I really want to stay there?"

And I have to say, this is abuse. And when I get home I am going to write a scathing review that lets these companies know that HJ IS SOLICITING PERJURY!

This place is a dive. And I have promised myself that if I study for the test in July, then I get to stay at a good hotel! That, my friend, is incentive. Believe me.

Ridiculously Happy

It started as an idea two years ago as Daughter, Son and I spent spring break skiing in Vermont. Daughter said, "Whose Idea Was it to go SKIING for SPRING BREAK??!! BRRRRRR What were we THINKING?!"

And I said, "OK Senior Year I have you again for Spring Break. We'll go to the Caribbean."

It was a nice dream.

Then finances and college bills and the market crashed.

And layoffs at work, and salary cuts, and no raises.

But then, the tide started to turn back a little. I bumped myself to Full Time, the firm said some of us "might" get a raise, and quite frankly, I just said, "What's a little more money. They're leaving me in September!"

And so, WE ARE GOING TO JAMAICA! I am so ridiculously happy and excited. The kids helped me surf the web and look at dozens of resorts in many different countries. The trick? Finding a room for 5.

5?

Yeah, Me, the kids, and two of their friends. Because that would be more fun than just us.

And they each found a friend who could afford to come (they have to pay for their own ticket, although I'll pick up stuff in Jamaica).

Saturday night, we narrowed it down to the Right Place. Sunday I made the call.

We're locked and loaded. Praying for good health and good weather.

So ridiculously excited.

Oh and no, mom's not bringing a Friend. At least, that's not the current plan. Daughter did ask if the Captain was coming- she invited him along. That's another shocking post for another day. We're floating the idea, but both of us (the Captain and me) think that maybe it would be better to be just me and the kids. We're exploring the option and the kids' true feelings on that. Truthfully, it would be nice to have a guy along to keep tabs on the boys. The Captain is much savvier than I when it comes to certain things. But it might add a twinge of awkwardness. oh well, we'll sort that out another day.

Jamaica here we come.

First step - DIET!!!!

Woot!

I Love TSA

Travelling to Florida Friday, going to meet the Captain. I am on a plane oh, about 2x a month it seems. So the security thing? No brainer. [unlike the sweet older lady today who apparently hasn't heard you can't bring bottled water or any liquids over 3.4 ounces through security. She didn't see the 48 signs, hear the 16 announcements, or read a newspaper in the last 3 years since that rule was implemented...]

I get pulled at BWI for what seems a random detailed check. OK no problem, I have time, they're doing their job. So I stand in this funky machine while they take some kind of something - I later decide it was some kind of xray and someone is sitting remotely reviewing it.

Now remember I'm going to see the Captain. So I'm wearing leeeetle white capris, with no pockets, rather nicely fitting if you know what I mean. And a very little sweater cut rather low "my eyes blue" that gets its fair share of, um attention. Sleeveless. And beaded flip flops.

In other words, not a lot of places to hide anything.

So I point to my two bags and random junk on the xray belt and say, "Do you need me to identify my stuff so you can review it?" And Mr. TSA says, "Oh no, just hang here a minute and you'll be done." Then I hear a voice on his radio and he responds, "No - no pockets. Those are buttons." and he smiles and says, "you're free to go."

SO what, I was hiding plastic explosives in my buttons? Perhaps a file in my bra?

I giggled all the way to Florida where I shared my story with the Captain who took one look at my outfit and said, "Oh yeah, you're really hiding a LOT in there!"

And Then we were in Navalmoral

I wrote this from Spain but it never posted. So here it is, a little late......

I admit it may not look like much. It is but a small town in the countryside of Spain. Population 17,500. The town dates wayyyy back, like most towns in Spain probably do. It is an important "way point" for travelers both north and south as well as east west. But for me? Coming into this town? It was so much more.....
As we approached the town, I had very strange feelings. Things looked a little different, but mostly I recognized them. Part of me was the girl who left 12 years ago, the girl who was rejected, unloved, facing divorce with 2 small 4 year old kids and no job or career. The Girl who thought Spain would be a great job opportunity for the Ex and a fun opportunity for the family. It was those things but it was also the end of the Relationship (ok so it took 11 more years to really do the deed, but Spain? Was the End). It was in Spain where he first told me he didn't love me. It was Spain where we sat at the table and divided our stuff. Spain where we fought the most. Spain where I tried to be so many things and failed at all of them.



But this was a new person entering an old town. I am not the Girl who left; I am the Woman who is returning to share an adventure with her teenagers. And as we got closer to our old friends' new house (God Bless GPS) there was nothing but excitement.

OK we are a little older, a little heavier, but the smiles? Just as big. And the laughter? Even grander. It was so exciting to see their new, finished house; the house they dreamed of when we lived in Spain and indeed, the house they started building when we were there. Every knook and cranny was full of beauty and thought. Tinin did most of it himself - three floors of living, the bottom floor a large room for living during the summer when it's 110 degrees (there is no air conditioning in Spain), the middle floor a complete apartment for his parents, the top floor a 4 bedroom apartment for his family. It is truly magnificant.

Mila and I spent an afternoon, just the two of us, enjoying the bottom floor, drinking diet coke and talking about the old times, the times since the old times, the future times. And yes we did this all in Spanish. She is a wonderful teacher and very patient with me. Talking with her helped me to let go of the girl I was 12 years ago. And she shared with me something so direct, so Mila, it let me close the book on the old, bad Spanish memories. We didn't really talk much about Ken and me - she was not the least bit surprised by the divorce and she could sense that I had moved past it. But we were talking about her and Tinin and life in general. And she said this - both in English and Spanish to make sure I "got it." Mila is a very direct person. She holds nothing back. And she is very smart and very opinionated in a way that is endearing because she doesn't belittle your point of view, she just let's you know she has one of her own. She said, "Here's what I think of your relationship with Ken. This is what we all thought: he was the kind of guy who wanted to have a beautiful wife to take out when he went out. And when he got home from work, you are there taking care of the kids and the house and better have dinner on the table. And he doesn't want to hear what you have to say. He doesn't appreciate you. You were a Thing to him. Am I right?" And I said, "Well he wasn't that bad really. He has a lot of good qualities." And she just looked at me like, "Yeah right." And she said, "you know, we never really liked him...."

And isn't that sad? Because he could be a really nice guy. But somehow they saw what I refused to see back then. And so, little by little, I can let things go. And instead enjoy today. This is what today brings:

Here the nearly-grown face of the lovely 4 year old child we left 12 years ago and last saw last summer when she came to the states. She is beautiful, funny, gracious, loving. The kids were so excited to see her again.



And here? The "new" edition to the family - an exceedingly bright, energetic young lady,10 years old. She is a fabulous Spanish teacher and has the natural ability to pronounce English words correctly.

Tomorrow we leave this family and go off on more adventures in Spain. The kids will ultimately return to stay with our friends for a couple more weeks, but I must go home and get back to work. I am truly sad to leave this place. I feel like there's so much more I want to do. It has been amazing to wander the streets and revisit old shops and people I knew so long ago. It has been interesting to show the kids where they went to school and where we lived. They remember almost nothing.

This time instead of tears and fears of the future, I take with me good memories, possibilities, futures. Tinin and Mila have an amazing relationship. They have created for themselves a wonderful life in this tiny, somewhat remote Spanish town. They have faced challenges together and overcome them. When he comes home from work, he gives her a real hello kiss. When we are wandering around sightseeing and they have a moment alone, they take the opportunity to embrace and enjoy each other. They tease each other at home and love each other completely. It is something so rare and something I have spent much time contemplating. And it has enlightened me. I now know why I am compelled to move to Florida.

My life in Washington is a machine. I work my butt off when I don't have the kids and tire my brain out when I do have the kids trying to juggle everything. I don't live life so much as I survive life. But life doesn't have to be this way. I am hoping that a life change will allow me to experience life, not just survive it. Oh Florida is not Spain. There won't be guaranteed socialistic employment. There won't be long siestas and 6 hour work days. There won't be sleeping until noon and wandering the streets until after midnight (Ok maybe we can do this sometimes). But perhaps I can find a balance. Perhaps I can find a place where the people are happier, the living is more open, the life a tad slower. Perhaps I can live life and experience every day instead of being glad when the day is over and I can retreat to my bed.

Perhaps.

And They are Off

A certain Daughter was ready to go more than a week ahead of time. Here's the list she made and checked off. She is so organized! Now Son? He was still deciding what to wear as we were getting in the car for the airport.... (well not really but almost)

I have not seen two teenagers so excited in a very long time. Even the airport in Madrid required us to stop, enjoy the scenery and take some photos. I will say that the Madrid airport has changed a LOT in 12 years. The architecture is pretty awesome. So Son started his Picasso thing and started with photos of the airport...The beams change color as you go down the airport. It was very cool. And the ceiling has a unique wave to it.

We took a cab to our hotel, then I took the metro back to the airport to get a bag we forgot (ok maybe somebody packed too much stuff), and then finally? We went sight seeing. Everywhere we went the kids were so excited. Every experience was/is so new! While I went back to the airport, they walked over to the Retiro Park alone. They immediately encountered other Spanish students who wanted to talk to them in English. Then some Asian folks came up and said, "Hi How are you" in very heavily accented English. The kids thought it was funny that people could pick them out as Americans. Um DUH You have blonde hair, blue eyes and flip flops. It's a Dead Give Away....

The Plaza Mayor in Madrid - I took this same photo of the kids' Grandparents about 13 years ago. A strange De Ja Vu moment....

Plaza Mayor is filled with Disney Characters who make balloons and want your money. Or want your Daughter. Everywhere we went, men and boys made eyes at Daughter. Hell one just went up to her and told her she was the love of his life. Imagine his surprise when I came up behind him and said (in Spanish) "I am the MOTHER...." So when Pooh started making eyes at Daughter, Son decided to attack back with a big Hug. It was hilarious.


We also took a tour the the Royal Palace in Madrid. The tour is about an hour shorter than 12 years ago - now you only get to see the main floor, not the bedrooms and the crypt. But still? It was amazing. The best part? The kids enjoying every minute. When I thought about this trip all year, before I ever knew if I could pull it off, I thought about what the kids would enjoy. I really wasn't sure - I figured they'd love the food and some of the sights and definitely going to see old friends. But beyond that? I wasn't sure. But my kids have amazed me. They oohed and awed at every little thing. They totally absorbed every thing the tour guide said in the palace. We spent a lot of time looking at every jar in the pharmacy, every sword in the armory. They keep saying, "This is so awesome!"

And as I was walking down the street emailing their Dad to let him know we were ok, I almost emailed him, "Wish you were here." Because in truth? I had hoped that we would be friends by now. I thought about how much he would enjoy watching his kids rediscover Spain. And I am sorry for him and for them that I am the only one who gets to experience this with them. But that? Is not my fault.

Adios Amigos

Sunday night 12:12 a.m. Or Is This Monday?

• Garmin updated with Spanish Maps? CHECK
• Checked in to flights? CHECK
• Kids packed? Check - more or less
• Mom Packed? Check sort of
• Lawn mower while we are away arranged? CHECK
• Mail stopped? CHECK
• Flower waterer hired? CHECK
• Global cell phones activated? CHECK
• Hotels and Car Booked? CHECKED FINALLY!!!! (last night 3 a.m.)
• etc etc etc? Mostly checked.

We still have some errands to run tomorrow. And I'd like to finish editing a brief tonight. What's that you say, it's after midnight? Well no, it's after 6am where we're going, time to get up and start a new day!

Oh and my last soccer game of the season? Killer! We won with no major injuries, just a scraped up ankle. And an awesome Assist. Nice way to end a season.

On my list of Things To Do Tomorrow? Get the team signed up for the Summer Session. First game? The day after I get back.....

So No Blogging for a while bloggy friends - off to Spain for 2 weeks! Woot!

I'm not Dead I'm just in Miami and Surrounding areas

It's the annual conference pilgrimmage to Miami, which works for me as a bonus trip to see the Captain. And while I'm here well I just think I'll stay a while. Yes the conference is over. And me and my Lenten Promise almost survived... Now I'm working in the back yard on the computer while the sun works on my tan. It's a tough life but someone has to do it.

My Lenten promise? I gave up alcohol for Lent. Just seemed like the right thing to do. I wasn't sure how my conference buddies would react - I tend to be the life of the party after midnight when I put the lawyer suit away and bring out the fun girl clothes. But they were all very supportive - thought I was nutz, but supportive.

Saturday we went out on a booze cruise/fishing trip. No temptation at all. I drank diet coke and caught a pretty pink and blue fish that matched my outfit. They were so impressed that 1) I caught a fish and 2) it matched my outfit that they changed the "ugliest fish" prize into "prettiest fish" prize and gave it to me. $50 thank you very much. And the biggest fish prize? Went to BossMan who caught - no I'm not making this up - A SHARK. Yes a shark catches a shark. And of course we had to let it go as professional courtesy but first we took photos. About 4 feet long - dogfish shark. No I don't have the photos yet of my pretty fish. Conference goers have promised to send me photos.

Sunday was the "white party" on a yacht. Freezing cold that night. Again No temptation. Drank diet coke. Went to bed early. Woke up and ran 4 miles. great day.

Monday night our firm held a cocktail party, then I was going to dinner with a large group (some of them very persuasive partiers) then off to a late night party. So I looked out off the Wagon and jumped so far off, I couldn't see the wagon tracks. I at least waited until the tail end of our company party after reeling in 4 new clients. ;-) But yeah it was hall-of-fame Mary Lou night (she's my alter ego). Cotton candy on my head like marie antoinette. (yes there is an awesome restaurant where they serve giant cotton candy for dessert. awesome). I found a cow in my purse the next morning - an adorable mini gravy boat like a cow. Hmmmm. Had something to do with dinner. Danced like a fool with my buddies until after 2 a.m. Guess who did NOT go running Tuesday morning? But guess who DID make her 9am meeting?!

Yep I'm back on the wagon. pretty easy actually. I have been running more, exercising, going to bed at decent hours. But not blogging and not posting. Too much else going on. Like hanging out in the Captain's back yard and working (really) then making healthy dinners together and watching movies like Madagascar. Really (he's joined me on the wagon.)

I so do not want to return to the land of ice and snow on Sunday. Even if it is going to be 75 there Sunday. It's 75 here every day. Every. Stinkin. Day. 18 months and counting and I will be living here. I cannot wait.

Wishing the Peace of the Weekend Carried through the Week

Probably like many of you, I wish I could find a way to have the peace of the weekend continue through the week.

Wait, I think I've figured it out - quit my job. Ok, so that's not practical either. I mean, we have the whole food, shelter, clothing, college thing to think about. So the Job is rather a necessity.

So other ideas? This weekend was one of those perfect weekends - a day in Baltimore enjoying the aquarium and the dolphin show, making faces at Sharks, running away from snakes (don't tell me it doesn't count if they're behind glass. They're still terrifying to me). Playing games at ESPNzone, laughing our butts off riding mechanical horses and playing air hockey. Cooking the perfect dinner at home with little planning, playing games by the fire. Teaching Sunday School, enjoying the perfect 2 hour brunch at Mrs. K's toll house, picking up sticks in the sunny afternoon and feeling the accomplishment of a cleaner yard, watching movies and cuddling on the couch, hiking at Great Falls. Yeah it was one of those weekends.

Until about 9pm when BossMan and I had a conference call and started setting up the week. And I realized I have to go to NYC this week whether I want to or not (NOT). Wondering how to get it all done and be back for Friday's appointment. Realizing your team may have forgotten to serve something yesterday that you had prearranged Friday night but someone might have decided to change that plan. Facing documents and travels and treadmills. Sigh.

So yeah, how do we carry the peace of the weekend with us through the stresses of the week? Anyone?

I've Proposed to the Waiter....Again....

20 years ago when I used to travel alone for work, I'd bring the newspaper. Now I have Crackberry. Amazing how the Crackberry makes me feel connected - I am posting facebook statuses, trading jokes with my nephew, chatting with friends, catching up on blogging. So despite sitting in a noisy NY restaurant alone, I don't realize I'm alone. I look around and all us singletons are texting or blackberrying our aloneness away. Except for that moment when I sit back, sigh and thank God for a good waiter, a kickass pinot grigio, and seabass that is so good I want to cry. After 24 hours without food I am ready to eat the tablecloth. My seasoned waiter brought me chunks of parmesan so good I want to crawl into it and live there. And just when I'm thinking life can't possibly get better, he recommends dessert "warm chocolate lava cake - chocolate cake with a warm liquid chococolate center topped with vanilla ice cream and carmelized bananas." I took a photo with my phone but it disappeared and didn't save....well neither words nor photos could do it justice anyway. Did I ever tell you how I married my waiter in vegas for ordering me the perfect dinner? ** I think I need to divorce him for this one.... I'll keep you posted....

** If you've never given over your dinner selection to a seasoned waiter in a fine restaurant, you should try it. Let them order for you and you might experience something you would not have chosen and therefore would have missed an amazing culinary delight. I happen to love food of all types, shapes, sizes and states of doneness, so this is tons of fun for me. I have yet to be disappointed. Except that I have to stop proposing to them....

Thoughts that will send me straight to Hell and other random musings

Tonight, sitting in my kids' high school band concert, watching the female conductor from behind, I started giggling. And knew I was going to hell. Straight for it. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

The kids' bands are pretty talented and I love concert night. The less experienced bands play short pieces that are entertaining and educational. And the conductor? She jiggles. There is no other way to describe it. She always wears black polyester pants that leave little to the imagination. I know exactly what her underwear looks like. And how big her thighs are. And she's really not that big. It's just she has apparently never heard of Spanks. And yes I'll take that ticket to hell right now.

Apparently my travel Karma has expired. Perhaps it was paying it forward for the bad thoughts I would have about the band instructor. But I lost my bags on the way to Oklahoma (or, Delta decided that 1.5 hours pre-flight was just enough time to get them on the wrong plane) and went to Wal-mart at midnight in an ice storm so that I could buy dress pants to meet the client. I never ever travel in jeans. Something possessed me to Sunday. Never again.

Then our star witness, the one I went to Oklahoma to meet, couldn't meet me b/c he was in the hospital - since Friday. No one thought to alert the lawyers. So I waited til he came in Wednesday. Turns out he's fine. Just didn't want to see the lawyers I guess.

Oh and our other witness? Major surgery. Unavailable until well after trial. Still figuring that one out.

There are other details of my trip to Oklahoma that are not ready for publication but that made my trip difficult. Oh but if you ever go to Tulsa? Stay at the Ambassador hotel - the city's best kept secret. Totally wonderful. Fabulous restaurant. My room was a suite. Lovely people. The housekeeper called me when she found my checkbook. I loved it. Then I tried to leave Oklahoma. HA. Delta, the wonderful airline that couldn't put my bag ON the right plane, couldn't get us out of Tulsa. So they put us on American. To Dallas. Because yeah, Dallas is on the way home from Oklahoma to DC. And then we sat in Dallas for an extra 30 minutes added on to our 2.5 hour layover. I was supposed to be home by 9pm. I finally found my bed at 1:30 a.m. Karma. For giggling about the jiggling. See you in Hell.