Saying Goodbye

Sometimes life doesn't always go as you planned.  Sometimes life throws you curves.

Queen bee, she only cared about whether you were throwing a ball or a treat. 

Curves?  Bah.  No such thing.

Queen Bee was my mother's day present in May of 1999.  She came at the end of my first year of law school.

We spent the summer together, me loving my newest baby, her learning to be a part of a family.

She was born in a drought - I remember when it finally rained, I had to take her out under an umbrella - she would NOT go outside.

Queen Bee was my baby and our family's rock through many tough years.

When we divorced, Queen Bee provided the stability to the children, changing houses with the kids to give them the support they needed.

When the kids went to college, she was my constant friend and companion, keeping me occupied and giving me the strength I needed to carry on.

When I finally made the move south, the was right there with me through all 1070 miles.  She was a little worse for wear, and I had a feeling she was just not right, but yet she kept on.

Last week, I couldn't ignore it any more.  We went to the vet.  At first, it was just arthritis.  But tests revealed something much more sinister - Cancer.

We took her home, not sure how many days she had left.  We decided to bring her home and make her last days great. 

We took her to the beach.  We fed her pasta and steak and mint chocolate chip ice cream.

She said no thanks to the rum.

But tonight, after a gigantic dinner of cheese and crackers and tomatos and pasta and hummus, she went to her bed. 

She didn't look right.

I took her outside, where she collapsed.

We called the vet who met us at the clinic.  Where he confirmed her spleen had ruptured and it was time to say goodbye.

For anyone who has loved a pet, you know the pain of "doing what's best."  I couldn't let her suffer another minute and I let her go.

As I sit here in tears, remembering the best dog of all time, I remember what made her great. 

I remember how she taught herself to open the pantry so that she would never go hungry, even if it meant eating Lipton Onion Soup from a dry pouch for the few hours she was left home alone.

I remember how she went sledding with us in the winter, pulling the kids down the street.

I remember how she curled up with me in my bed when I was alone.

I remember the patient posing for for hundreds of photos - first and last day of school particularly.

I remember your tolerance as we dressed you as "SuperDog" and in other crazy costumes.

I remember how she ate 2 pounds of Godiva chocolate that I unwittingly wrapped and put beneath the tree, not thinking about her penchant for chocolate.  Yes, she survived.

I remember how she sat on the small bank in my backyard on the edge of the line between my house and Pop's next door (before the Ex lived there) and would watch for him.  The minute he passed by the back door, she went nuts until he came over to play.

I remember how much she LOVED her grandparents and quickly learned that when Grandpa took out his cigarettes it meant, "Time to go OUTSIDE!"

I remember how she accepted Stinky Butt from the moment we brought her home.

I remember how she filled up the lonely space inside me when I was alone.

Goodnight Chessie.  I hope you find the land of neverending waves and bottomless bowls of steak.

Thanks for delivering me safely to Florida and the Captain.  You are the best friend and best dog ever.  Always.

At Last! I have ARRIVED

The rooms were all empty...it should have been satisfying after 8 weeks of packing.  After 2 years of planning.  After Eons of dreaming.  But instead, it was just sadly devastating.

The kids and I spent the last night on air mattresses, telling stories, crying, laughing, being together.  Early the next day, Daughter headed out early for work.  I gathered the last of my belongings, said goodbye to Stinky Butt....

Hells yes that's me crying my eyes out and Son trying to make me forget.  Ironically, this is in Ex's house....next door....

And then, the hardest thing I've had to do in a long time.  I had to drive away.  With Son standing in the driveway.  Crying along with me....

 I had made the drive south on 95 before.  I stopped in SC overnight, having cried my way through 3 1/2 states.  I awoke the next morning and finally crossed a new border I had never crossed by car.  And I was tear free!!!

 Queen Bee slept through it all....

 I began to see sunrises and opportunities I hadn't seen before...

And before I knew it - I almost missed it - My Welcome Home Sign!!!

BUT WAIT what's this??!!  Found in the "Welcome Center"  You are kidding right?  Because I am driving 600 miles right back North if you are serious!!!!!!

After 2 days and 1000 miles, I was happy when the miles left to go equaled my MPH....

No More Tears.  We are almost home!!!  (What?  Driving and taking photos?  Hey I'm not texting....)

Yeah, that's my exit...

Laughing at myself.  "WHAT  They give away POOLS here?  Love it!!  .....oh wait they mean like billiards....

I recognize this sign from the rental photos I saw on line!!

What, you didn't know I rented this without actually seeing it in person?!

Yes I trust the Captain THAT MUCH.  HE picked it out...

Queen Bee Sniffs the new turf....

No more tears.  Ahhhh yes, this is what the moving, the upheaval, the packing, the tossing, the trashing, the selling, the crying, the broken nails, bruised limbs, sleepless nights, THIS is what life is all about.....

Queen Bee Agrees...

OK oK so we didn't have any furniture yet.  We had love.  And the Captain loves my dog.  OUR dog....

WELCOME TO MY NEW HOME EVERYONE

HERE, I AM NEXT DOOR TO PARADISE......

STAY TUNED.....

The Momentus Move

She packed her bags last night pre flight...zero hour nine am...(that's elton john for you who are lost)

Last first day of school photo or something like that...hugging the doggies goodbye....

Many hours later, arriving at school number 1.. in the rain

Au takes charge and starts unpacking

Getting the loft in place and all the pieces put together....

saying goodbye and trying not to cry

And now college #2.....what a nice bed!

Psyche this is the boss's house at the beach...

the little room overlooking the marsh........

a long day of travel means we need to relax at the beach...so warm like bath water

alas time to move in..."Mom stop taking photos and carry the stuff!!"

Here's my door - can I open it....

We've dumped the stuff...now to organize it...

Sammy is the best friend ever - drove 1400 miles and moved us both in~!

Last hug for a couple months....have fun baby!!!!!!

Another kind of Spring Cleaning

Today I tackled another Spring Cleaning job - this one a bit different from the usual ones. It involved the following tools (among others)...








Which yielded a whole hellofalot of this:

Which in truth looked a whole lot more like this:

And then, poor Queen Bee got put in the tub. Which she stepped into willingly because she IS the best dog in the whole world....

And after shampoo and conditioner and drying her off in the tub and then commanding her to "SHAKE" (yes while bathing she waits for you to tell her to shake - at which time you draw the shower curtain in a feeble attempt to keep at least part of the bathroom dry), and then towel drying (the first of many towel dryings) you let her out to this.....And Stinky Butt is saying "no No No don't tell me I'm next!!" because stinky butt's brain is so small she forgets that she already had her bath - it takes 3 minutes in the kitchen sink, no deshedding, no trouble. 9 pounds = 3 minutes. 70 pounds and long hair = 90 minutes....

after which time we are left with a bathroom that looks like this....

Sigh. But they smell good. For at least 5 minutes til they go outside and roll in more deer poop...

Secret Momentary Delights

Some random happenings lately that have made me smile.

1. Talking to opposing counsel in Court, apologizing for my coughing, feverish sickness transmitted by kids. She says, "OH I bet you're in those daycare years, huh?" And I say, "No they are twin 17 YO's." And her look of shock.

2. Sitting in the car in the parking lot awaiting the start of Son's Rugby game b/c it's freaking freezing outside so we're waiting til the last possible second, "talking" with the Captain, and Ex walks up to the Car, right as I'm kissing the Captain.... (I didn't promise not to be a little snarky)

3. Standing in front of the Court seemingly between a rock and a hard place, when suddenly "the Spin" hits you and you're on solid footing again.

4. Your teenagers "demanding" that you go to your Parents' house for Easter - a 6 hour drive - because they miss them.

5. Your 17 YO senior announcing she has Straight A's - despite the fact that she has already been accepted to all colleges, has received a scholarship and by all rights should have a major case of senior-itis by now but that hasn't yet dawned on her.

6. Your 17 YO Daughter and Son letting down all reservations and teaching the Captain to play Kaluki (Jamaican cards) on a Friday night, complete with insults, giggles, and down right mean card playing, showing his acceptance. Finally. (Two-fer - your teenagers playing cards with you on Friday night!)

7. Your Daughter admitting she isn't very good at breaking up with her boyfriend - and you laugh together because apparently - with the Captain here for the weekend - you have the same "problem."

8. Putting the top down on the convertible in early March.

9. Sticking to your LOSE IT "iTouch" apps diet for a whole week and actually losing weight.

10. Realizing you are within 4 weeks of your Jamaican Vacation.

11. Finally finally finally teaching Stinky Butt to roll over!!!

Excuse me, but I Have 21 more Days coming to me and I want them Dammit!

I know I know, we're greedy in June. June hits and I say, "Summer is here!" Even though officially I'm supposed to wait until June 22. (or something like that). Of course it helps the my kids are done with school at the end of May. So maybe I encroach on summer a bit in June. But seriously, it's only September 1st people and I have 21 more days of summer. So why did I wake up this morning to cold?? Summer means warm and warm is NOT 70's. Oh no. Warm is 80's - just feeling good around 85 and 90 is even better. So who flipped the darned switch 21 days early? Hmmmmmmmmm?

It's bad enough I had to go grocery shopping last night and actually plan and think about what we would eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I love summer - summer with teenagers means calling them sometime after 9am to wake them up. Reminding them to eat something healthy (reminding them to just eat? oh that, they remember). Seeing if you can get a chore or two out of them. And dinner? Well, if they're home then we grill something out or grab some of this and some of that whenever we feel like it. No homework - at least not every night - and they're old enough to figure out those summer project due-dates. And then, if they're home, watching a movie or playing a game. [Why Yes, my teenagers do still play with me! When they're not mocking me....]

Yesterday's grocery trip was all "Breakfast: fruit, bacon[first day of school treat only], pancakes; Lunch: cheese, meat, bread, fruits, drinks, after school snack-on-the-go before cross country and healthy dinner" Takes all the fun out of grocery shopping when you have to be all organized and planning-like.

Tonight will be all "do you have your uniforms, and school supplies, and set your alarms and pack your cross country bags and go to bed early." Or maybe just maybe we'll go see that Summer movie we've been talking about and haven't yet seen, just one more night....

But the thermostat? It had better be back at 85, at least until after Labor Day! Please?!

Seniors? really? Or "And Then I Cried All The Way To Work"

When the Kids were a tiny baby, I used to put on Aladdin's "A whole new world" and dance around the house with them. Two Tiny New babies and a whole world of possibilities. Even then I would tear up, knowing that they would grow so fast. But the possiblities? So Endless.

As they grew, I tried to enjoy every moment. Honestly I never wished for them to go back and be small again. As they outgrew baby toys, bath seats, potty chairs, training wheels, bed rails, I chucked it all as fast as I could. I did save 1 crib for that "someday grandchild." But otherwise? Most of it is all gone, on to another family who hopefully used what we no longer needed.

And as they grew, I started taking photos - the First and Last day of school photos. A Must. even when they were 3 in Spain, we took photos. When they were small it was exciting for them. the Middle school years were tough ones - grimacing, grumbling awkward kids, Son trying hard to be taller than Daughter, who had him by 3 inches. How embarassing.

And Every Year? On the First and Last Day of School? I cried. I am excited for them, happy they are growing and learning. Blessed to have wonderful, healthy, outgoing, dynamic kids. But still? I cry.

So Friday after I took their photos and waved them good-bye as they drove themselves to school, I put on Disney's Aladdin soundtrack, sang, "I can show you the world, take you wonder by wonder, over sideways and under on a magic carpet ride. " And? Yep. Cried. Like a baby.

And I hope for them they have seen some of the wonders of the world. Have I given them glimpses of a Magic Carpet Ride? Have I been a good mom? At least sometimes? And I think of the times I yelled at them, or spanked them, or denied them something that really wouldn't have made a difference, or a game I missed, or a concert. Have I been the Mom I thought I could be back in the days of dancing on the lake to Aladdin?

And then I remember the things we've learned, taught, experienced together. The laughter, the joys, the sharing, and I know I've been a pretty good mom. And they are learning and growing and turning into wonderful adults. Not perfect, no none of us are perfect. And how boring would that be anyway?

But my babies can't possibly be Seniors In High School. Or Can they? See for yourself....