Another Other Side of a Year

Once upon a Blog I posted THIS.  Indeed a year and a half ago I wondered about things like this:

  Next year is sure to be rather momentous for all of us.  I can only hope that a year from now, I am again celebrating our strong bonds and our accomplishments!

Most of that post was about the kids - how they had changed after a year of college - their bonds, our bonds.  And I was contemplating the big move to Florida - would we survive as a family unit?

Now I am at the other side of a year and I think perhaps some of you are wondering how things are going. (Thank you Chitown Girl for hanging in there and checking in, even when I didn't respond....)


A little over a year ago when we all started contemplating Christmas plans for 2011, I was again stressing, terrified, stewing.  OK OK I was overanalyizing and obsessing (happy mom?!).  Would the kids feel comfortable in the "new" house?  How would they do when the Captain's kids came for Christmas?  How would they intermingle with the Captain's family?  Would it feel like Christmas?  Would they come....and would they ever come back.

I wrote the kids both a long email about the upcoming holidays 2011.  I laid it all out for them - how I felt about them, how important they were, but how I had to get on with my life, too.

They responded in a way that shocked me, but honestly it should not have.  They responded with love, with caring, and with a little bit of the Family Sarcasm, "Really mom?  You stress too much.  We love you.  We love the Captain.  It's all good."

The holidays were wonderful.  We took them sailing for New Year's Eve and Son, who has been sailing since 2 years old said, "This is the BEST sailing ever!"  Yes, the Captain is a bit more of a free spirit on the boat than my old family and I have to say, sailing is a lot of fun.

Spring break came, and so did the kids.  Lots of them.  Our tiny 3 bedroom beach house had 8 college kids (well mostly just 6, but one night we had some extras).  They shared one bathroom, did the towels, did the grocery shopping, shaped up one night when I ranted about the mess I was tired of coming home to after a long day at work, and generally we had a BLAST.

 

Fast forward to summer and where did Daughter opt to live?  In Sunny Florida with me!  Yes it was hard for her - her friends were in MD, she was lonely.  But she got a great job, her friends came to visit, we had a blow out week(s) of celebration when her brother, his girlfriend, and his best friend came for almost 2 weeks right before she went to spend the semester abroad.

 

Son then opted NOT to go back to school.  And where does he live?  Why right here with me in sunny Florida!  Yes he is bored many times.  But he found a job, has saved a signficant amount of money (no one to go play and party with!) and he has gotten his stuff together to go study abroad next semester just like Sister!!

 

This year the holidays again are at my house.  Their dad is a bit of a Grinch so they say.  And this year Son declared, "this Christmas is going to be the best ever.  It won't be all, 'Hey nice house Captain and nice to meet your son,' it will be 'Hey Forr Good to see you again I missed you!' and jokes and shopping with the Captain.  Great times mom!" 

 

Just days after Christmas, Daughter and Son will leave for dad's house.  I will see Daughter sometime in January to deliver the car she uses (she flies to his house, he drives her to school).  I will see Daughter in the spring for the annual Bridge Run.  Son will be off to Spain and I'm not sure when I'll see him.  They have both decided to take summer classes - he to catch up, she to add a couple more languages to her life (4 is not enough?!). 

 

The old me would have sweated the future, "When will I see them again?  Do they love me?  Do they regret this move?"  The new me knows unequivocally that my children and I share a very special, very strong bond.  We will weather any storm together.  And even if they live 1/2 way around the world, our hearts will always be together.

 

Yes indeed the other side of another year is looking very bright.

 

At Last! I have ARRIVED

The rooms were all empty...it should have been satisfying after 8 weeks of packing.  After 2 years of planning.  After Eons of dreaming.  But instead, it was just sadly devastating.

The kids and I spent the last night on air mattresses, telling stories, crying, laughing, being together.  Early the next day, Daughter headed out early for work.  I gathered the last of my belongings, said goodbye to Stinky Butt....

Hells yes that's me crying my eyes out and Son trying to make me forget.  Ironically, this is in Ex's house....next door....

And then, the hardest thing I've had to do in a long time.  I had to drive away.  With Son standing in the driveway.  Crying along with me....

 I had made the drive south on 95 before.  I stopped in SC overnight, having cried my way through 3 1/2 states.  I awoke the next morning and finally crossed a new border I had never crossed by car.  And I was tear free!!!

 Queen Bee slept through it all....

 I began to see sunrises and opportunities I hadn't seen before...

And before I knew it - I almost missed it - My Welcome Home Sign!!!

BUT WAIT what's this??!!  Found in the "Welcome Center"  You are kidding right?  Because I am driving 600 miles right back North if you are serious!!!!!!

After 2 days and 1000 miles, I was happy when the miles left to go equaled my MPH....

No More Tears.  We are almost home!!!  (What?  Driving and taking photos?  Hey I'm not texting....)

Yeah, that's my exit...

Laughing at myself.  "WHAT  They give away POOLS here?  Love it!!  .....oh wait they mean like billiards....

I recognize this sign from the rental photos I saw on line!!

What, you didn't know I rented this without actually seeing it in person?!

Yes I trust the Captain THAT MUCH.  HE picked it out...

Queen Bee Sniffs the new turf....

No more tears.  Ahhhh yes, this is what the moving, the upheaval, the packing, the tossing, the trashing, the selling, the crying, the broken nails, bruised limbs, sleepless nights, THIS is what life is all about.....

Queen Bee Agrees...

OK oK so we didn't have any furniture yet.  We had love.  And the Captain loves my dog.  OUR dog....

WELCOME TO MY NEW HOME EVERYONE

HERE, I AM NEXT DOOR TO PARADISE......

STAY TUNED.....

The Quilt

When my oldest brother married his sweetheart 34 years ago my Aunt J & cousin LF came up with a brilliant idea.  (OK I'm not sure who thought of it and I think cousin LF did the first few?!)  A few months before the wedding, each family member on the Groom's side received some cloth squares in the mail with instructions to 1) sign your name in cursive on the square - legibly please - and return to Cousin/Aunt and 2) DON'T MENTION THIS TO THE GROOM/BRIDE.

On the eve of the wedding, Aunt & family showed up from far away in middle America with The Wedding Gift:  a beautiful handmade quilt with all the signatures of the family embroidered (quilted?  Hell IDK.  We've already established I am NOT craft-abled!).  Included in the quilting was also the wedding day and the place.  A priceless gift.  We all cried.

Thus the tradition began of The Wedding Quilt.

Again the benefits of being the Baby - by the time my wedding rolled around, it was no longer a surprise, so I got to choose my colors.  And no, it wasn't Pink.  My all time favorite color is still blue.

But I had to wonder - Grandma and Pop had long since passed - would they be missing on my quilt?

Nooooo, they would not be missing.  My Aunt thought ahead and had them sign enough squares for all of us.  See?  There they are!!!

 Even though I knew it was coming, I still was beside myself when it actually arrived.  It is a work of art.

No, we never actually used the quilt - but we painstakingly put it on the bed every morning and folded it up every night and put it on the quilt rack.

Until the Divorce.  Who wants a Wedding Quilt with his name on it??!!

I mentioned this once and JO said, "I bet a certain sister-in-law of mine could fix that." 

On one of DF's trips through town, I mentioned it to him.  He had my kids sign squares (and my new sister-in-law who replaced a certain not-very-well-liked SIL also signed one) and took the quilt and the squares home to his bride.

I had kind of forgotten about it - I think it might have been last year? 

On his latest trip up north, DF said, "Hey come out the car - I have to get something."

And there it was - THE QUILT.

Except now?  My kids are on the quilt - with the thread and the stitching and the signature sizes exactly matching those in the same row (the miracle of computers or so DF tells me).

AND my "new" SIL is also on the quilt, replacing the rather nasty previous name.

I was so happy and so sad and so overcome, all at the same time.  I truly have an amazing, loving and supportive family - yes and then I cried.

Sadly, my Aunt and my Cousin are no longer with us, but I think they would approve of the alterations.  The Quilt is back on my bed, bringing joy to my every day, just as they intended.  And their signatures, below.

And JO I still love the message you left on my quilt!!  (I can't figure out how to turn the photo)

I also love the handprint of the niece who was too young sign. 

And somehow, Stinky Butt has figured out that THIS Quilt is not to be jumped on or burrowed under!

The Other Side of a Year

It seems like just yesterday we were saying goodbye.

Somehow I find myself back home with two kids and Chaos (not complaining!) and wondering where the year has gone.

Some striking changes: 

• Son's maturity.  Suddenly he is putting others first.  On his first full day home, he mowed both lawns (without being asked) and completed numerous other tasks.  His attention to detail and initiative is amazing.  He has always been good about helping around the house, but this was pretty amazing.
• Daughter's Diligence:  She has always been pretty organized - when she was about 7 she handed me a list one month before her birthday of people to invite, games to play, and food to serve.  But she has demonstrated a diligence to her school work and building her resume that I have never before witnessed.  Her grade point average is astounding to say the least, never mind the volunteering at the Humane Society and other volunteer activities.
• Twin Love:  I wondered how they would be separated by many miles and many hours.  When they lived home, Son was a clinger, Daughter a Loner.  Turns out they skyped/texted/called each other at least daily.  When one was in crisis, the immediate call was to the Other.  I had hoped this day would come - they sometimes did it in high school, but not often.  I am thrilled they truly love and care about each other so much.  I figured they had it in them, but I'm so happy to see it proved out.
• Children as Friends:  This is a tough one - I have always enjoyed doing activities with them, but as the parent you have to maintain the "responsible, authority figure."  The fact is, they've been away at school for a year, making decisions, staying out all night, "probably" doing slightly unlawful things.  They are not going to return home to the midnight curfew and choir boy lifestyle (ha ha I know they weren't choir boys in high school, but honestly they were pretty close).  I am trying to walk that balance of the new reality with "but you're in my house now."  This conflict of The College Student Returns Home is the Number One thing I've always heard college kids AND parents complain about - so far it is working for us - and I am LOVING hanging out with them even more!

Big changes are on the horizon, but I still can't share in the public forum yet.  Next year is sure to be rather momentous for all of us.  I can only hope that a year from now, I am again celebrating our strong bonds and our accomplishments!

When Chaos = Peace

Are you sick of hearing about my kids yet?

too bad

The other night I was surrounded by total chaos. 

It started when my cousin DF, who travels for his job, said he'd be in my area.  I love it when he can stop by, so of course I said YES. 

Then it turned out Daughter would be home.  YEAH

Then it turned out Daughter invited a couple friends to sleep over because they were going to get up Friday and drive to UDel to visit another friend.  Of course I said YES!
 
Then Daughter informed me her college friend/roommate and her sister would be in town and gee could they come by.  And sleep over.  YES!

Daughter volunteered to make dinner.  Daughter has had a few kitchen disasters in the past, but she keeps trying.  I left her with my recipe for Chicken Marsala (her favorite) which isn't totally hard but not exactly easy.  I wrote out three or four additional tidbits and tips for getting it right.  And said a prayer.  And left her an easy baked ziti recipe for her veggie friends.  I left her the credit card to go grocery shopping and asked her to make up every bed she could find. 

And I went to work.

I called at 1pm to see how things were going - friends were supposed to start coming around 3. 

She was asleep.  Napping.  Hadn't done a thing yet.  KIDS!

I got home at 6, dinner was to be at 7.  Various kids were around, helping to set the table.  Dinner was done and in the fridge waiting for a warm up.  Then she had to disappear to the metro to get yet another child.

As we called everyone to dinner, SON showed up from college!!!!  A few hours early!!  YES!!!  There was tackling on the front lawn and hoots and hollers.  And a big hug for Mama.

Then Tor Tor, high school buddy, showed up (angry with me about the For Sale sign, another story).  YES!

Not sure how many we ended up with.  The first dinner shift was 10.  Stragglers came and went all night.

After dinner, DF surprised me with my remade wedding quilt (that needs a post all its own!!)  Yes of course I cried.  duh.

Son played the piano and kids attempted to swing dance before heading to the basement for scary movies.

At about 11pm DF and I took on two of the kids in a mean game of monopoly.  All kinds of crazy rules from our childhoods - but we still managed to lose!

YES IT WAS TOTAL CHAOS - AND MY HEART FELT SUCH PEACE!!!


At 1pm, I finally had to say goodnight to DF and sadly go to BED!

5:30 am came early.  Too early.  So I went back to bed until 6 which meant scrambling to get out the door. 

It was all so worth it.  I discovered yet another kid in yet another bed that I didn't know was sleeping over.  And smiled.

The house was reasonably in tact when I got home Friday night.  And deathly quiet. Yuck.

I am so looking forward to this summer!!!!

Total Phone Revisited

Does anyone remember the 80's when "Total Phone" came out?


Does anyone remember when you would call someone and, God forbid, they were on the phone and you got a busy signal?



At first we thought Total Phone was awesome - you had this thing called "call waiting" so we didn't have to worry about talking for hours on the phone and Dad getting angry because he couldn't get through. (Actually, it was Mr. Murphy who would get angry. The Murphys had 6 kids and lived two doors up. Many times around dinner we would get a call from Mr. Murphy asking us to run down to his house and "tell those damn kids to get off the phone!" (apparently he was trying to call Mrs. Murphy?))



One cool feature of Total Phone was the ability to get all your friends on the phone together. We figured out who of us had Total phone, then we'd call 1 person who didn't have it, and 1 who did. The one who did would call another friend who did, and etc. until we ran out of kids with Total Phone. Then all 6 or 8 or 10 of us would try to talk at once. Hilarious.



Last night, my sisters & 1 brother brought me right back to the 80's as we conference called each other. I had no idea my phone would still do that - apparently "Total Phone" is now standard. I was talking to my sister K, who had talked to Brother T. They hung up so Brother T could call Brother G & then get back to K. K called me, then T called back K on call waiting. She told him, "Hang up, we'll call you back." 5 minutes later and 10 failed attempts by K, I gave it a try and it worked. Then we realized we needed sister J on the phone. So Brother T tried it - we already ruled out K as a total failure. Oh My Goodness, that was pathetic. I am the baby of 5 and clearly the most technologically advanced, which is not saying much at all.

It went something like this:
T: What do I do?
ME: Hit flash, dial her number...
T: No no wait I have to write this down. Where's a pen. Damn that one doesn't work. Ok now I need paper. Yeah, this will do. Ok, What do I do?
ME: H-i-t Flaaaash
T: (writing) Flaaassh... (speaking) OK now what?
ME: Dial her number
T: What's her number? (she has lived in her house for 25 years!! Same number!!!)
ME: (tells him number)
T: ok then what?
ME: Hit flash
T: Do I have to wait until she picks up?
ME: (exasperated) NO! Just hit flash just like when you picked up your phone both K and I were on remember?
T: Oh yeah. Let me try this (mutters to himself "Flash, number, flash...")

Amazingly it worked. And I only pulled out a few hairs...

Very funny. I don't think we'll be trying that again. God Forbid I tell them about Skype or Oovoo!!

Where Personalities Clash

I have teenagers - twins in college - and therefore it should come as no surprise there is a communication gap.

My difficulty lies in the fact that because I do NOT have a communication gap with Daughter, I feel slighted by Son. Instead of looking at the glass 1/2 full, I seem to be feeling the glass is 1/2 empty.

My head tells me my relationship with my Son is probably the "normal" one, and my relationship with my Daughter is just a crazy gift.

I suppose if I were still married that would be easier to swallow. Instead, I wonder. Does Son talk to Dad? Would he rather be with Dad than me? Does he complain to Dad about me the way Daughter complains to me about Dad? The secret stalker in me is dying to know.

OK the answer is obvious probably. I do try to keep communication open with the Son. I text him, call him, email him (not obsessively but enough once or twice a week to let him know I'm alive. And if he calls, no matter what time, I ALWAYS take the call, even if it means hanging up on a client). He is coming home tonight from college for Thanksgiving break. Es is picking him up this time (I picked him up from fall break). Part of me is sad about that - Ex arranged a ride through someone he knows at work. Ex has lots of connections to Son because it's Ex's alma mater. I can't help but feeling that Ex is smuggly content in his "leg up" on me. He refuses to communicate with me about anything. He has made lots of trips down to see Son this fall and I think he must have connections that get him hotel rooms in a town where you have to book at LEAST a year in advance on football weekends. He has lots of ticket connections, too, I think. I know he makes nasty references about me when I am not around. And so, I let the stress of a relationship with my Son - a normal stress for any parent of any college teen - be compounded by the interference (perceived or actual, who knows?) of the Ex.

I made some definite plans with Son to do things on Sunday. I let him know that he is free to bounce between houses but that I need to know if he's planning on being here because I care that he is safe. I let him know that he's spending Thanksgiving with Dad and that Mom would like to spend time with him, too. Not all his time - he wants to see friends and do stuff. But Mom wants to Do Stuff, too. Ya know?

My head gets it. The Heart is the one that needs some convincing.

Edited to add: Thanks to all for the comments and to Mom for calling me up personally. You are all right (well except for that last "Anonymous" one who is too chicken to give a name and too shallow to know what this blog is about.) I think most of this was angst over my current personal situation with the Captain and some things I have come to realize, along with the incredible and overwhelming love I have for the kids and the desire to be what they need me to be that is best for them. As it turns out, Son and I had an AWESOME weekend, a great day Sunday, and he has been in and out a lot thus far over break. He went with me Tuesday to pick up Daughter. He is an amazing child. I know he does love me. I underestimated him, too, about Thanksgiving. He said to me the other night, "I want to spend some time here because I'll be with Dad on Thanksgiving." My Dear, Sweet Boy. Amazing.

One Dilemma Solved

Thanksgiving Issue: Not an issue.

One of my friends who had previously invited me to Thanksgiving called me this weekend and said, "No Really I meant it - please come. You'd probably be the only one to help me anyway! No one else cooks!" This friend is a good friend, her daughter is my daughter's best friend. Honestly I had two major hesitations on accepting: 1) would Daughter feel weird that I was with her friend and not her? and 2) would I freak out upon being with this awesome, extended family (many of whom I already know) and think about my own family and turn into a blubbering idiot? [yes that could really happen. I'm a sap. S-A-P].

I talked to Daughter this weekend about the offer. She is royally P-O'd with her Dad. She sees no reason why I can't just spend the holidays with his family (yes I was going to be invited until he told his sister, "She can celebrate Thanksgiving some other day!"). I told Daughter that I understand Ex and that he will never forgive whatever perceived wrong I have done. Leave it at that. Daughter thinks me celebrating with this particular family is an awesome idea. She said, "I know you'll have fun! They are awesome. You should go." I think, as many have pointed out, she'd be more upset if I were home than if I were with her friend's family.

Why no I did not ask Son about this. The lovely yet ego-centric child has not given 2 seconds of thought to "what is mom doing on Thanksgiving?" That's ok. It's who he is right now and I know he loves me in his way.

And point number 2 about freaking out? I decided to be totally honest with my friend and shared my concerns. She said she understands but that I will feel like part of the family - heck in some ways they have made me so over the last couple of years. It's going to be a tough Thanksgiving for them - her very dear friend and neighbor passed away recently and she's having the friends' family over. I think she's counting on me for some support and comic relief. If I can be there to help cook, clean and crack some jokes, then maybe she needs me just a little bit, too. Being a Friend in return - that I know how to do.

Thanks to all of you near and far for your offers of places to go. The reason I don't want to leave the area is the kids are only home for a few days, and I don't want to miss that. I am hoping to hang out with them Wednesday and Friday, so I need to stay close to home.
Thanksgiving - no longer an issue.

Wow I am so silly sometimes!

Because You Love Me

Women report all kinds of relationships with their moms: good, bad, ugly, pretty, manipulative, condemning, happy, sad.

I am blessed. I have the best mom in the whole world. I've said this before. But on Sunday, driving home from a great weekend with friends, this song came on the radio, and there I was,
crying again, thinking about how blessed I am to have the best mom in the universe.

This song sums it all up for me. Right now I am challenging myself to be a better version of myself. And I know that my mom is there for me, cheering me on. I wish I could get home more to be with her. I'm more than a little bit jealous of my siblings who live around the corner from mom and dad. So just because - not a birthday, not mother's day or a holiday - but just because I'm blessed, here is the ultimate song that reminds me how awesome, rock solid, amazing, caring and loving my mom is. And how lucky I am to have her.

Here's one for you mom. Thanks for being there for me, always. Love you.

Today They Are Adults

Sigh today I am officially the parent of adults. But they will always be my babies.....

Happy Birthday to the Best Kids in the Universe! Love, Mom

Yes I Know Spring Arrived - a While Ago

My few faithful blogging buddies have cajoled me into changing my banner to spring. I admit I am relying on an old banner as - SURPRISE - I have not had time to garden, clean, do any of the things I would like to do! Yes I am working full time now, travelling too much for work, and picking up stomach flu's on the way home from travelling too much for work. Which means I am behind on my work. Which means I should be working not blogging. Anyway...

We are less than a month from D-DAY. Or should I say G-Day - Graduation day. I know it's "only high school," but this is a huge deal for me. Yes I said for me. OK OK it's huge for them, too, but they won't realize it for, oh, 25 years. My babies are leaving, going off to great schools to do great things and someday have a great job and be totally self sufficient so that I can go tend bar in the Caribbean and not have to support anyone but myself.

But for now, they are just leaving. And I am going to miss them. And I feel some [probably silly] burning desire to make this send off as excellent as I can. I refrained from saying "perfect." Nothing is ever perfect. But family, friends, a cool cake, some good food, music, a slide show, a repainted kitchen, repainted hall, repainted bedroom, cleaned windows, uncluttered closets, weeded gardens, new flowers, seeded grass, new college-themed dog collars, cleaned carpets, that's all it will take to pull off graduation weekend.

What? Think there are a few extra things in there maybe? I am the kind of person who needs an "EVENT" to make the chores of life happen. Son's room has needed painting for a YEAR and has been spackled awaiting paint for A YEAR. The painters come tomorrow....

You get the picture.

Anyone else out there need an EVENT to get the ball rolling on household projects??

Oh right - I almost forgot to add to the list "Buy 100 boxes of Kleenex." I'm not the only crier in the family...

Secret Momentary Delights

Some random happenings lately that have made me smile.

1. Talking to opposing counsel in Court, apologizing for my coughing, feverish sickness transmitted by kids. She says, "OH I bet you're in those daycare years, huh?" And I say, "No they are twin 17 YO's." And her look of shock.

2. Sitting in the car in the parking lot awaiting the start of Son's Rugby game b/c it's freaking freezing outside so we're waiting til the last possible second, "talking" with the Captain, and Ex walks up to the Car, right as I'm kissing the Captain.... (I didn't promise not to be a little snarky)

3. Standing in front of the Court seemingly between a rock and a hard place, when suddenly "the Spin" hits you and you're on solid footing again.

4. Your teenagers "demanding" that you go to your Parents' house for Easter - a 6 hour drive - because they miss them.

5. Your 17 YO senior announcing she has Straight A's - despite the fact that she has already been accepted to all colleges, has received a scholarship and by all rights should have a major case of senior-itis by now but that hasn't yet dawned on her.

6. Your 17 YO Daughter and Son letting down all reservations and teaching the Captain to play Kaluki (Jamaican cards) on a Friday night, complete with insults, giggles, and down right mean card playing, showing his acceptance. Finally. (Two-fer - your teenagers playing cards with you on Friday night!)

7. Your Daughter admitting she isn't very good at breaking up with her boyfriend - and you laugh together because apparently - with the Captain here for the weekend - you have the same "problem."

8. Putting the top down on the convertible in early March.

9. Sticking to your LOSE IT "iTouch" apps diet for a whole week and actually losing weight.

10. Realizing you are within 4 weeks of your Jamaican Vacation.

11. Finally finally finally teaching Stinky Butt to roll over!!!

Beautiful Blogger Award

Aw thanks BigCityDad!

Yes Props to me because "You've got to be kidding!' [living next door to ex]. Yes at first I thought it was a great idea. Now I can't wait to move. Not for any specific reason - more just a space issue in general. So thanks for coming by and noticing!

Of course in the bloggy world, getting means giving. But First, I'm supposed to tell you 7 things about me you don't know. That might be hard, because I'm pretty much an open book here (isn't that the point of blogging? Ok for my kind of blog anyway).

1. For a hard-ass lawyer, I cry about everything. I remember crying during the McDonald's commercial on the last episode of M*A*S*H - the one where the big brother gave the little sister his last french fry? Because I was in middle school and my Big Bro was in high school and I loved him like that and hoped he loved me like that, too. So Sentimental? Um yeah, that's me.

2. other people's blood makes me want to die (OK Captain so you knew this - maybe lots of people don't). When Son smashed his fingers in the neighbor's door at 3 years old and took the tips off his fingers, neighbor didn't know whether to tend to screaming child or passing-out mama.

3. I fantasize about having a gazillion kids. Philosopher Mom? She's my hero. 9 kids, phd, awesome person. I wanted 12 kids when I was a kid - after reading "Cheaper by the dozen." When I got married I wanted 6, Ex wanted 1. After many years of trying, I got a 2-for-1 special and we quit there. Many days I regret that - but it would have had to be many kids with a different Man.

4. I fantasize about singing like Kelly Clarkson or Barbara Streisand. I know I can't sing for crap and that it sometimes hurts people's ears to listen, but in my shower or a crowded bar full of drunk people? I AM the next American Idol! And no matter the song, I know ALL the words. It's a gift. Some call me the Human Radio (wait is that two things?)

5. I'm going to die when my kids go to college. OH don't give me that "freedom" and "they're growing" and "next stage" crap. I'm going to die. They are so awesome and I love it that when they are with me so are all their friends. My house is so crowded with overflowing shoes and food wrappers and soda cans and laughter and hugs, I love it. There I said it.

6. I love football and wish I had been a boy - a big boy - just so that I could've strapped on the pads and done some serious headknocking. Boys got all the fun sports. I played in the neighborhood until middle school when it became uncool for boys to be tackling me. Man I missed the many hours of playing "kill the man with the ball." Being a girl sucked then.

7. I love tonic water. OK sometimes with Gin or Rum, but I also love plain tonic water (diet even!). It's yummy. Add a splash of lime juice and it is awesome. Really.
So now bloggers I admire!

Wow that's hard - I love everyone. But I am going to choose the unusual - none of my commenters! They all know I love them to pieces and they are loyal fans. And win lots of awards. Here are my newbies:

1. My friend started a money advice blog at The Money Heifer. Now my friend is not a multi-million dollar salary earner.** She works for the government, is single, and is the most amazing, talented, dedicated saver I have ever met. She's an awesome friend, too. Check her out - she is wise on the money issues let me tell you! **edited to add: I mean this as the highest compliment - I think it's easy for "big money" people to tout advice that may or may not be "real." The Money Heifer, however, is someone we can relate to, someone who shows us that we can do this just as she has! I realized after writing this that this might have come out as less than a compliment!

2. OK This is how pathetic I am lately - I am going to name EVERYONE ELSE to Beautiful Blogger. Because truthfully? Although I always give the award to the same people (I am such a non-reacher-outer) I love my bloggy buddies. I Love Cheri (who I wish would write more b/c she's amazing), I love my cousin JO for too many reasons to list, I love Suzy who has such energy and ORGANIZATION and lives in a warm climate, I love Jenn who is truly Juggling life, Katydidnot makes me laugh out loud and spit things out my nose, ChiTown girl makes me think twice about hating the cold Chicago weather, Bumpkin stops by and cheers me up, Debbie at Etc Etc Etc cracks me up but makes me feel badly for being a wimp about life when she's living 1/2 way around the world from her peeps and thriving!, Loving Jason and his unique family because his courage sometimes make me cry and often makes me laugh, I love my cousin DF for his wisdom and telling me the hard things sometimes, I love and am amazed at my cousin at DuckFeet who keeps it all together in her uber-brilliant way, (My cousins taught me to blog by the way!), I love HulaGirl for her Buffet-ways and her awesome photos. I know I forgot some (add Philosopher Mom Here).... You can all claim the button (or not) and play along (or not). No worries.

Thanks again BigCityDad. So Nice to make new friends in the BlogOSphere.

Why Yes I AM walking funny !!

Thanks for noticing, my gait is a little off today. And yes you might think I'm waddling. And NO I am NOT pregnant.

So why the silly stride? Yesterday my bruddy [that's brother + buddy = bruddy....] Flash and I did THIS!

Yeah that's right, we ran the Va Beach 1/2 marathon together! Now some of you may know that I have indeed run a marathon (my photos)...the Marine Corps Marathon (my story)... nearly 3 years ago. 3 years? That's a long time when you are..ahem..over 40.

My bruddy has been facing some 40+ health challenges - you know, weight, blood pressure, getting old and I-still-want-to-eat-like-I'm-17 crap. So about a year ago he started "running." As in, around the block. Because that? Was all he could do.

Fast forward about 9 months and he says, "I'm running the Va Beach 1/2 marathon."

Me: "WTF?"

Him: "YEP Running it."

So we start talking about training. And of course being the A.D.D. master and a busy man, he gets side tracked. And he starts all, "I can't run it. I won't be ready. Blah blah blah." So I say, "No really, all you have to do is X and Y and Z and you are so there. You have come so far. JUST DO IT."

And he says, "Want to run with me?" and in a moment of insanity or - nay - in complete clarity - I say, "SURE!" I go online, fork over the WHOPPING registration fee (damned those bands better be worth it! And I want a cool t-shirt, not another ugly one like my other races!) and do it.

About 4 weeks ago, Bruddy hurts his back. Badly. And stops running. For 3 weeks.

About 4 weeks ago, I break or severly injure my Big Toe and...keep running b/c I am an idiot.

So I show up to Va Beach, not really having trained well. I expect him to tell me his back hurts and he can't run. Instead? He says, "Well I ran 6 miles the other day. So let's do this thing."

And I'm thinking, "6 miles? You ran only 6? And you're going to Run 13.1? Well....ok" But I don't say anything. Because this is his dream. And if he thinks he can do it? I'll drag his butt over that finish line.

So Saturday we get up early and go to the race expo and pick up our numbers and shirts. And we buy the place out of t-shirts that are funny. Like this one for me:

Yes, indeed, it also says "Does this shirt make my butt look FAST" on the backside of the tshirt. How funny is that??

he bought a number of shirts like "This seemed like a good idea 3 months ago" and "The older I get the faster I was."

We spend the day drinking Gatorade and water - and we shared a beer (or two) at one of the beach concerts. Hey we had to carb up!

5a.m. came early. We got up, bageled and bananed ourselves, drank some cytomax running crap and off we went. Names on shirts for cheering crowd purposes. Psyched to the max. I played him my psyched tape on the way over: "Feels like Today" by Rascall Flatts, "How Bad do you want it" by Tim McGraw, "Make a Man out of You" from Mulan and "ready to run" by Dixie Chicks (from the Runaway Bride Movie). He laughed and got psyched.

We took off strong - averaged under 10 minutes the first 6 miles. But he knows 8 miles is his personal wall because of some health issues. So at 6 we walked a couple "poles" and had some sports beans and salted/sugared/carbed up. And ran some more. We walked/ran for a while. Then the cramps started for him. We stopped and stretched. And rubbed. And ran some more. I told stories and laughed with him.

We hit the bridge after mile 11 and sang from the christmas movie, "Put one foot in front of the other...ba-da-ba-da-bump...and soon you'll be walkin cross the floo--oo--ooor! Put one foot in front of the other... ba-da-ba-da-bump ,...and soon you'll be walkin out the door!"' Everyone laughed.

Mile 12 was hard. Really hard. I got worried. He didn't look so good. He had cramps you could see in his thigh and his calves. I asked him, "You ok?" and he said, "Yep let's do it." And still we went on.

At Mile 13 I was crazed. We had our names on our shirts and people were shouting, "Go Greg Go Mellie Go Greg Go Mellie." IT was crazy!! We were still jogging! He grabbed my hand and we crossed that finish line hand in hand, wooting and so psyched. The announcer lady saw us coming and said, "Here come Greg and Mellie!!" WOOT!

And so today? My legs are a bit tight. My calves are sore and I'm limping a bit. But my Brother? He ran 13.1 miles yesterday. This from a man who couldn't run 1/2 mile just a year ago.

Yes, PICTURES from his Wife when she gets a chance to email them!

Brother, I am proud of you! Really proud! Love YOU!!

When Oz Came to Visit ME

Once upon a time there were 4 siblings born in Pennsylvania, each 5 years apart. The first two siblings managed to each have 5 kids - each having one at almost the same time, so they had a matching cousin. Now the older 3 of each set were lucky enough to see their cousins with some frequency. But the baby cousins, who are but a month apart? Yeah they were lucky to see each other one time a year.

When the baby cousins were about 8, the grandparents had a 50th wedding anniversary. Everyone dressed waaaaaay up b/c that's what you did in the 70's. And the siblings hired a professional photographer for their parents' party. The grandchildren all gathered for a special photo. The older grandchildren made faces and were silly, but when the photographer said, "Get serious." they did. But they forgot to tell the baby cousins, who didn't know when to stop. In the days before digital cameras. And so, when the very expensive professional photos came back, the 2 baby cousins were making AWFUL faces. And they got beaten. KIDDING. (Hey my mom reads this blog!)

Fast forward 34 years. Those baby cousins haven't seen each other in .... 10 years? But the true baby - JO over at Merry Ol' Land of Oz - has taught her cousin to blog. So they have kept in touch. And when they got together? Well they had to take pictures. But some things you just never live down....


Yeah, it was kind of like that 34 years ago. Yeah Jo I know you want to totally kill me right about now. You are younger and all that so I can apparently still make you do silly things!

Awwwww that's better....


And the King? Yeah he was a HUGE hit just as I knew he would be. There's Son enjoying having a little brother, if only for a night.

The three teens, just months apart, enjoyed the night, even though they hadn't seen each other in....10 years? I think the Cadet (middle) was enjoying thinking he was the tallest... (and yes those are the "twins" at 1 YO in the background. I still adore those photos even if they embarrass the hell out of my kids!)

While the Big Kids went on the trampoline, the King sat totally absorbed in Halo or whatever the Big Kids left on XBox360....the scary part was the King knew exactly how to play it.

And with a HO HO HO and a Tra la la, it was time to go...It was waaaaay too short of a visit. Come back soon My Merry People of Oz!

So What My Mom Reads My Blog

Blogging can be liberating, fun, mental exercise, a way to keep up with family, a way to hide out from family, a way to procrastinate drafting that settlement agreement (not that I'd know anything about that...)

Some people feel liberated because their family doesn't know about their blog and they've done all they can to keep it anonymous.

Me, the first person I told that I started a blog? Before I ever dropped a comment or figured out how to get my url "out there"? It was My Mom.

Some folks avoid posting certain topics or comments because their family reads the blog. Me, I am inspired to tell it like it is because, well, my Mom reads my blog!

She's not a commenter. She's a Class A Lurker. In fact, she recently admitted to me that she is lurking on some of your blogs, too. She's a Hip Gram: has an iTouch, contemplated a Facebook, IM'd before I knew what that was, knows how to text message. But she is a cautiously Hip Gram - she doesn't have a Facebook b/c she didn't want to share some of the info they asked for. (I told her she could make stuff up but she thought that might be like lying. Because yeah, nobody lies on the Internet ) And she doesn't comment because she thinks maybe sometimes her comments are better kept to herself.

She's that kind of totally awesome Mom. She is, without a doubt, my Best Friend and has been since I was in school. Yep, even in those awkward "hate you parents" years I totally Loved My Mom (I think she'd agree...) But sometimes? I wish she would just drop the ol' bomb on my blog. Because she is witty and well-spoken and a great writer. And I know she has some choice words for some of the situations I've posted about. [and she didn't even give me too much grief over the whole 25 year old secret in the Boy Who Haunts Me and my confession of staying over his house that night...] But I also respect that she doesn't want to comment. Besides, it just gives her a chance to tell me personally...

So yeah, my Mom reads my blog and I'm damned proud she does!

What do you get when you combine a phunny Dad with model trains?

Recently, my Dad celebrated his retirement and all the kids, most of the grandkids, and many friends gathered to celebrate. The Captain and I thought it would be a nice time for him to meet the family....momentary insanity on our parts? Perhaps.

Anyway, the Captain is also 1 of 5 kids in a French-Canadian/Irish Catholic family. That means lots of people and kids and names to remember. Over the last few months he's come to know my family through my stories. And he's come to appreciate their "personalities" through my stories and, now, through his own experiences.

Obviously, I told him a lot about my Dad prior to the party. My dad is the best Dad in the universe. This I know, so don't even try to tell me how great your dad is. (OK OK you can try, but well....) My dad is NOT perfect. Oh no. He'll drive you absolutely crazy. But his heart is always in the right place, so you love him no matter how loudly you have to shout because he's turned his hearing aids off, or how many road signs he reads out loud when you're driving down the street, or how many times he tells you the same story b/c he has so many kids he can't remember who he told what, or how many times he checks his voicemail despite the fact that no one ever leaves him messages (maybe we should just so he can listen?!).

One of my favorite things about my Dad is his very phunny sense of humor. He is king of puns. Combine this with his avid model railroading, and, well, you get this:


Yeah, that's a portion of his layout. The backdrop is the most amazing painting - done on 6 (? I forget how many) LARGE canvases. Oil on canvas. In the basement for a backdrop. Painted by his dear, ridiculously talented friend Colonel Hayes. Yes, this is the kind of love my parents inspire.



That's Dad ever the teacher, pointing things out to the Captain (next to Dad) and to my Bro

Let the Puns Begin...


In front of the graveyard, the gravediggers truck sports the company name... "Dowe Digem and How!"

Do you see the deer that the car ran over? Yep the tow truck had to come and pull it off. (Do you have any idea how small HO scale is? My father is nuts.....)

That's the Whitewater Brewing company owned by William J. Clinton...

And the delivery trucks? "We Deliver when WE feel like it, Inc."

Yes, you read right, "Estee Loggers"

And he has a whole section of mining, called, naturally, "Boggle, the Mine"

Here's a small Heinz factor, where they only make 28 1/2 varieties because "We're a SMALL plant"

This is my personal favorite: "Burrr Ice Co."

Another shot of his amazing layout. He has graffiti on his train bridge. And IRS building that catches fire and burns. Kids tipping over an outhouse, lights shot out of the billboard next to Farmer Brown's farm b/c it was keeping the cows awake, and oh so many more.

It's a joy to go down there with Dad and see all the funny stuff. And he's hip, too. Has some kind of system that runs each train individually so that they make noise and puff smoke and when they go into the tunnel it gets quieter. He's rolling with the times people. And he will make you laugh....

Turning Pages

This weekend my 78 year old Father will Officially Retire. He started life as a "paid killer." i.e. the Army. He loves telling people that.



8 years and 3 kids later, he and my mom moved to CT where my brother and I joined the family (I believe the teasing goes "He was a mistake and I was an accident...") and where I was raised. 21 years, 1 house for me. In my lifetime, Dad sold real estate. He and mom had a real estate/insurance business most of my growing up years. About 10 years ago (?), mom retired, and Dad closed his office to go work "part time" with someone else.



Finally we have been able to convince the man of Boundless Energy that perhaps he should get off the schedule and live life with mom. Enjoy their Maine house. Visit grandkids. Go on trips. Hang Up The Phone! And finally, he will.

My mom and dad busted their butts raising 5 kids through all kinds of "economies." I remember when the prime rate hit 18+ % and NO ONE was buying or selling houses. Yet my parents never let me feel insecure or worried. Frugal? Yes. But somehow they always provided. (By working their butts off, this I now know but couldn't appreciate when I was 10 or 12).



Dad's job allowed him the freedom to participate in my life - for example, to take me to the hospital when a field hockey stick rearranged my nose during the last 20 seconds of my game sophmore year. He was always on the sidelines, cheering me on. Always there with a car ride or the gas card or a trip to McDonald's or the keys to his office to "make copies."



I vaguely recall conversations between Mom and Dad about franchising or "moving up" or "expanding." In the end, Dad kept his name on the door - eventually adding Mom's and the "insurance" part. (actually they dropped his first name and just used their last name). But dad's name has always been well known around town and around the state as The Guy in Real Estate. He was honest to a fault, never compromised his ethics or his clients or his profession, no matter what the "opportunity" or how difficult the times. This was one thing mom was sure to point out to us kids as we were growing up. We never questioned Dad or his ethics or his business practices. We knew if Dad said it or did it, it was honest and by the book. Lesser men may have made more money, but no one slept as well at night as My Dad or could look his kids in the eyes any straighter.



When I think of Dad and his Career, somehow I think of my high school and college years most, days when he would pop in, whether at home after school (kept me and the boyfriend honest....) or at college to take me to lunch now and then, despite his hard work, he was always "there." Looking back I see the gift that truly was. And I am proud of the man he is and always has been.

So this weekend all 5 of his kids and their Significant Others (yep insert Captain here ____) will be on hand to congratulate Dad for a life of excellence and a Job Well Done.


Enjoy your retirement Dad - you've eaaarned it.

Milestones Memories and Miracles

Another Holiday. The passing of time. Holidays gone by merging wildly into one another. Thanksgiving of my youth: the year I decreed that if the girls made dinner and cooked all day, the boys should NOT get to sit around and watch football while we cleaned up, and the family agreed.... a holiday tradition is borne. The Holidays of my teenage years, centered around the oldest running high school girls' flag football game on Wednesday and the high school boys' football game on Thursday morning: dad running the lines, brother as drum major, me in the band or on the field playing ball, depends on the year... all good times. The holidays of college, coming back to Homecoming and meeting up with friends, comparing notes, puffing out chests, embellishing college tales, eyeing each other with a dash of angst, a smidgen of longing, a dollop of heartache. The holidays of my early marriage, me anxious to get in the car and zoom up the highway to football and food and family, him dragging and complaining that I packed too much. Again. The holidays of my children, Thanksgivings in Spain or South Carolina or Maryland, with his family or no family, but always blessed with good food and good friends; Last Year my first Holiday Alone as the kids stayed with Dad and I trekked north once again to my family, reunited with friends and parties and games and good times while adjusting to the New Life. And this year. Yet another rebirth. Another anxious and excited time. Cajoling the children to hurry pack pack pack. We're going HOME. Realizing I forgot to have the oil changed and hoping the truck will be fine til we get there. Packing sweaters. Packing for dogs. Packing for cold. Making lists of food to buy for pies when we get there because I forgot to shop. What have I been doing this week anyway??? calls with the nieces and nephews and plans to go out, to play, to game, to enjoy each other's company. To be HOME in my parents' house, again blessed to be surrounded by family, friends, dogs, memories. Giving thanks for the many blessings. Giving thanks for new memories...