Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Poochy Parka Parade

Baby it's coooold outside. Too cold for one spoiled, adorable yet bratty little Stinky Butt.

What to do about that?
"Hellllllooooo have you checked this out? Am I adorable or what?"

" You Lookin at ME?!"

"Excuse me, are you just going to stand there and take photos or can I actually go OUTSIDE now?!"
Yes, I have sunk to the level of buying clothes for my Granddog.....I can only imagine what I will do for the [hopefully] eventual - as in the vast vast future - grandchildren....

Friday, December 26, 2008

The day after the day after christmas

Ok so technically today is the day after Christmas, but the kids and I decided Christmas Eve would be christmas#1 b/c they hate getting up early christmas, rushing through presents then rushing over to dad's then rushing over to Aunt's (ok so rushing over to Aunt's to be with favorite cousins is their favorite part. I admit).

So after much gnashing of teeth we agreed to have Santa come at 2pm christmas eve. Much fun was had by all and when I'm back home I might post photos but right now I'm in the backyard in Ft lauderdale "working" (i was reviewing transcripts and exhibits up til 20 minutes ago and getting ready for trial, I love wireless access and laptops....) and it's 80 degrees and sunny. but I digress....

Daughter totally loved loved loved her new camera. She didn't ask for anything, "That way I won't be disappointed if I just like whatever you get me." But when she opened it, she said, "YOU WERE LISTENING!" Yeah I'm perceptive like that. And it's blue. I didn't tell her the Captain did all the research and helped me pick it out b/c she prefers to pretend the Captain doesn't exist. Maybe some day we'll tell her. Until then she is a very happy girl.

4 days before Christmas I was told that the Guitar Hero IV world rock band gift that Son wanted wanted wanted and I bought after thanksgiving? yeah he changed his mind. Too Bad. So I engineered a scavenger hunt and we (daughter and I) made him search all over the house/garage looking for clues which led to clues which led to the big ass box. At least we had fun giving him the present he may or may not want. He's famous for this tactic so I was not phased by this. Daughter and I had a blast rocking out to the game. turns out I missed my calling as Drummer and Daughter, well, singing shouldn't be in her career choices...

Kids came through with excellent and funny presents for me. We enjoyed Church together, delivered our "christmas eve" boxes from the church to people who had to work christmas eve and said, "Thanks for working tonight we are thinking of you" (a church tradition) then we had a lobster dinner, went over to friends' house to cheer him up for breaking his leg in 2 places and getting a titanium rod put in 2 weeks before christmas. Fun fun fun. Christmas morning santa brought stockings and we had a hugomungous breakfast. The kids left, I cried, I paid some bills, sent some emails for work, then rallied, got on a plane, celebrated christmas #2 with the Captain and his boys, had a great dinner with turkey and everything! Boys who can cook!! and now well, I'm getting ready for trial in the sun.

Life is very good!

No I didn't send christmas cards to anyone. Not even my parents - I found their card on my desk yesterday. Duh. I'm thinking of sending Valentines' cards instead. Life should be slowing down right about then.....

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


Sometimes hitting your teenagers over the head is an effective method of communication. Not literally hitting them over the head.....although perhaps that would work, too. But my Christmas Wish? Yeah, it worked....

I managed to return from Chicago early, in time to take Daughter to her flute lesson and see....cleanliness. Order. Caring. Wow. Oh and smell the Burnt attempt at Chex party mix...heh-heh.

Daughter seems to have heard the message loudly and clearly. Both her comforters were washed and clean. The basement vacuumed...including the couch. no junk downstairs. Neatness. Orderliness. Wow. Apparently Son didn't get much in on the act. I'm still waiting for a miracle in his room. But there IS a WRAPPED present for ME from HIM under the tree. That is a first. So yeah, wow. (Do I have to bring up the whole Mother's Day thing again?!)

Apparently the Twins ALSO decided to take it upon themselves to use the ingredients I had gathered for the Family Chex Party Mix and tried to make it themselves and try to help me with one of the few surviving family traditions. They did well until it came to the whole "temperature" thing. Then there was a miscommunication and 250 degrees for 1 hour became 375 degrees for 1 hour. The house still smells like burnt Chex Mix 2 days later. Hey, they tried. AND they cleaned up ALL the mess.

Daughter offered to take the dough that I managed to throw together over the weekend and get started on Grandma Faison's cutout cookies. Those cookies are an absolute MUST in my family or Christmas officially has not arrived. I am convinced there is NO christmas without them. So come hell or high water or trial or NO sleep, they will get made. Every Year. It's at least a 3 day project: 1 day for the dough (it has to sit); one day to roll out a couple hundred honey/sugar cookies, one day to decorate. Whereas I am out of time to remake the dough, does it surprise anyone that I declined her offer to bake the cookies until I am able to be home and surpervise? Think Chex Mix people. Yeah, I didn't think so.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Freezing my Butt off and not finding Christmas here either...

Back in Chicago for a hearing. It's MINUS 29 DEGREES PEOPLE. MINUS. Even PLUS 29 degrees is cold. I have my hotel room up to 74 but the cold air is drafting in by the window and I'm still cold. I am wearing tights and socks and two shirts and a sweater. *** And I am still cold. How do people actually LIVE here? The blessing: we were not delayed in the flight and landed with only mild skidding across the runway sideways as the 40 MPH gusts blew that airplane around like a candy wrapper in a hurricane.

Tomorrow I get to wake up and walk a couple blocks to the courthouse - it's supposed to be a balmy 11 degrees. I think I'll wear shorts.

Meanwhile back at Casa de Next Door, I left the kids a note. Little Stinky had some surgery to remove the girly parts, so I knew Daughter and Son would be back and forth for pills and treats and such. Plus they just run back and forth all the time. Leaving the doors unlocked and the lights on and the place a mess. And they wonder how I know they've been there?

The kids have been asking me what I want for Christmas. I am a believer in presents for Christmas. They don't have to be expensive. In fact, I prefer them not to be. But they should be personal and thoughtful. I am so easy. I love smelly bath gels and funky artsy earrings. I love warm, fuzzy socks. All simple things to get mom. But they keep asking. And Son probably won't manage to put something under the tree again this year anyway. Which is another annoying story, but I digress. SO I left them a note that went something like this:

"What I Want for Christmas, by Mom"

What I want for Christmas is Help and Respect.
I have invested in expensive furniture and pretty/handsome bedding and decorator pillows for your rooms. You have asked for and helped me decorate your rooms. But the comforters are on the floor, the furniture is never dusted, the rooms are a disaster. I would like you to CLEAN your rooms and respect the time and energy that went into decorating them. Dust your furniture. Make your beds. Keep the junk off the floors. Respect the time and energy that we put into making your room a nice place to be.
We have created what could be a really cool teen hangout in the basement. But there is GARBAGE on the new TV cabinet, garbage under the couches, junk all over the floors. There is no respect for the home theater or the pool table or the new furniture. Clean up the basement. Vacuum the rug and the furniture. Respect the hard earned money I invested in the basement so that you could have a nice place to bring your friends.
You are 16 years old. I am a single, working mother. When you make yourselves a sandwich or cook something, clean it up. Throw away the wrappers, wipe up the crumbs, put away the food. Don't leave it out for me to come home after a long day and clean up your messes.
I would like to know that you respect our HOME and you respect the amount of time and energy it takes to make this HOUSE into a HOME. I need your help kids. And I need your respect. That's what I want for Christmas.

Yeah, with Ex moving away, things are going to need to change. So I thought I'd give this a shot. Before the split, they were required to do a lot more chores than they do now. Ex finds it simpler and more efficient to do things himself (he is Felix of the Odd Couple-Mr. NeatNick) and does not require the kids to do simple things like make their lunches. I think kids need chores and responsibility. Which is hard to enforce every other week. The good news - while my parents were here "babysitting" mom said the kids were very proactive at cooking, cleaning, doing trash collection and pitching in. Whew. At least they remember how. Now if they can just do it for MOM!

So yeah between work and kids and The News of the Move, I am having trouble finding Christmas. I am reading lovely posts over at BlogthisMom and the Hulagirl that are helping move me in the right direction....4 days left to find it.

*** edited to add: ha ha I just went back and read this. I'm wearing pants, too, people. Just in case anyone caught this...

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Things you never really thought would happen but hoped they would

Tonight was Daughter's county concert. The orchestra we drive across county every wednesday for rehearsals. The one she's usually late to b/c we can't get there at that hour of the rush hour. I was blessed to meet the director and the president/organizer, both lovely women who devote so much to these young musicians. I guess good things happen when you volunteer - you get back stage! And I only had to volunteer until all the musicians were unpacked and ready to rehearse - then I got to go find a seat. Everyone's happy.

So I go upstairs to get my allotted ticket - knowing that Ex would show up eventually for the other. As luck would have it we showed up at the table simultaneously and avoided confusion for the poor ticket-passer-outer. And then it happened. We stood together and had a pleasant conversation. He made jokes. We shared things about the kids. We figured out schedules. He said he's moving to Florida.

Yes, I know we went through this once before. And he said he wasn't. But the economy and all. He's moving to Florida. As soon as January. Right after my trial.

And then it was time to find a seat. And I said, "Do you want to sit together or would you prefer not to?" And he said, "Oh we can sit together."

For people who are new, this is no small event. This is the man who runs inside the house if I come outside with the dogs. This is the man who won't come outside if I am already outside. This is the man who pretends I do not exist. Having a conversation with me. Sitting next to me at Daughter's concert. Inviting me out to dinner with him and Daughter after the show.


I think it has a lot to do with his decision to move to Florida. There will be many changes. Changes in custody, changes financially. Changes in everysinglething.

Oh and the title of the post? No I didn't hope he'd move to Florida. But yes, I did hope that someday we'd have a pleasant conversation and be able to attend events together in peace. I told him tonight I think it was good for Daughter to see us sitting together.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Thoughts that will send me straight to Hell and other random musings

Tonight, sitting in my kids' high school band concert, watching the female conductor from behind, I started giggling. And knew I was going to hell. Straight for it. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

The kids' bands are pretty talented and I love concert night. The less experienced bands play short pieces that are entertaining and educational. And the conductor? She jiggles. There is no other way to describe it. She always wears black polyester pants that leave little to the imagination. I know exactly what her underwear looks like. And how big her thighs are. And she's really not that big. It's just she has apparently never heard of Spanks. And yes I'll take that ticket to hell right now.

Apparently my travel Karma has expired. Perhaps it was paying it forward for the bad thoughts I would have about the band instructor. But I lost my bags on the way to Oklahoma (or, Delta decided that 1.5 hours pre-flight was just enough time to get them on the wrong plane) and went to Wal-mart at midnight in an ice storm so that I could buy dress pants to meet the client. I never ever travel in jeans. Something possessed me to Sunday. Never again.

Then our star witness, the one I went to Oklahoma to meet, couldn't meet me b/c he was in the hospital - since Friday. No one thought to alert the lawyers. So I waited til he came in Wednesday. Turns out he's fine. Just didn't want to see the lawyers I guess.

Oh and our other witness? Major surgery. Unavailable until well after trial. Still figuring that one out.

There are other details of my trip to Oklahoma that are not ready for publication but that made my trip difficult. Oh but if you ever go to Tulsa? Stay at the Ambassador hotel - the city's best kept secret. Totally wonderful. Fabulous restaurant. My room was a suite. Lovely people. The housekeeper called me when she found my checkbook. I loved it. Then I tried to leave Oklahoma. HA. Delta, the wonderful airline that couldn't put my bag ON the right plane, couldn't get us out of Tulsa. So they put us on American. To Dallas. Because yeah, Dallas is on the way home from Oklahoma to DC. And then we sat in Dallas for an extra 30 minutes added on to our 2.5 hour layover. I was supposed to be home by 9pm. I finally found my bed at 1:30 a.m. Karma. For giggling about the jiggling. See you in Hell.

Friday, December 12, 2008

We wanna Wii to weeee weee weee all the way home...

Over at Magpie Musings she's giving away a Wii Fit. The challenge? write a story of why you deserve the Wii Fit. Here Wii gooooo.....

Wii here in Casa de Next Door endeavor to be athletes. At 8 I was the first girl on the little league boys' baseball team - "farm league." And when they needed a sub in the "minors" one age up? I volunteered. As wii crossed the field to the game, the coach asked me, "What's your name son?"
I calmly answered, "Mary Ellen."
[ Pause....wait for it.... ]
Coach: "MARY ELLEN?! You never said you were a girl!"
ME: "You never asked."
I played the greatest game of my life, batted 1000, stole 3 bases. My mother made me quit little league the next year. "Those boys throw that ball too hard." I discovered soccer...

In high school I played field hockey [no high school soccer team for girls], basketball, ran indoor and outdoor track, joined the indoor weight club (all 105 pounds of me). When I got shin splints and couldn't run, I joined the Hogs and threw the shot put (all 105 pounds of me). Wii had a blast.

In college I joined the first ever Womens' Soccer team at my University. Wii crushed teams with our indurance - Wii had no skills b/c wii had no field on which to practice. Wii ranked below the high school prep boys in field priority. So Wii ran for 2 hours every day waiting for a field to open up. In the off season Wii practiced with the coaches' old chums from high school on indoor gym floors - the coaches were Boys who checked us into the bleachers and took no mercy. All 105 pounds of us. Wii had fun.

Throughout the last 20 years I've endeavored to remain somewhat "fit." My family carries diabetes genes (we own that gene pool), heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol. It's all about fitness to win this fight. I managed to marry into an equally awful cesspool of genes, so my kids are pretty much doomed, and their father has no fitness sense and does not follow my guidelines for the kids. When they are in his house, they have different rules. But here in Casa de NextDoor, Wii have tried to train them from a young age to eat heart healthy. Wii used to run and play soccer and jump on a trampoline. Wii used to snowboard and water ski. Wii tried to stay fit. Together.

Until mamma collided with a goalie in her adult league game and wiped out her knee in June. I can't run far before it aches. I have seen a doctor and tried PT. I have given up my 10 mile competitions. Wii think mama and her joints are getting old. Mama has packed on 15 pounds and gone up a dress size. Son has tried to get Mama back out onto the road running and doesn't understand why some bodies get to a certain age and don't bounce back. Daughter wants to know why Mama can't play soccer with her any more, why Mama can't share her clothes anymore, and why mama is having trouble fitting into her dress for the big Christmas Ball. Mama is wondering if this is the beginning of the end of fitness and a healthy lifestyle. Mama never had willpower. I've never met a bag of chips I didn't like. I enjoy a big, fat juicy steak; cheese fries used to be my friend. I have combatted weight with exercise. (My kids eat way healthier than I!) But now that I can't exercise, I am struggling to redefine myself. And I am losing.

Oh and gyms and clubs and stuff? I'm a single mom working a full time job. There's this one thing called TIME and this other thing called MONEY.

Enter Wii Fit. A new idea at getting fit. In the privacy of my own home. On my time. Late at night, early in the morning, in between depositions and documents and flute lessons and driving lessons. AND a way wii can play together and encourage each other to get fit and stay fit. A way to reconnect with my teenagers who will be leaving me all too soon for college. A way to reunite with clothes I have shoved to the back of the closet. A way to stem the tide of the cesspool I call Genes.

Wii hope to see a Wii here, reaaaaally soon...

Thursday, December 11, 2008

HR the ultimate authority on my medical prescriptions

Apparently those folks in HR went to medical school and know exactly which prescriptions are best for me. I kid you not. That's pretty much what my insurance company told me. And if I want my prescription covered by some silly ol' insurance policy then I have to go to HR and ask them to please put it on the list. And if they feel like it, they can. Really. I'm not making this up.

Yesterday I finally had the long-awaited medical follow-up wherein I learned that I don't have cancer but I do have some pesky but common female-getting-older issues. TMI for my male friends so I'll stop there. Suffice it to say my Doctor prescribed some pills. Brand name. She warned me there is a Generic equivalent but that it wasn't the same and was missing, for my issues, a key ingredient, and thus she wanted me on the brand name.

Red flag - red flag - red flag - "Danger Will Robinson." Prescribe a brand name and try to get insurance to pay? Ha ha ha. So I called my insurance company to check before I did anything stupid like listen to my doctor and fill the prescription.

Turns out for a mere $45 copay for the "third tier drug" (aka "unfavored" b/c it's a brand with a generic equivalent) plus the difference between the generic and the brand = a mere $120 a month for my new drug.

But wait, can't the doctor write an exception notice or something to the insurance company and explain why the generic equivalent is a mere equivalent and not going to work for me? nooooooo.

If I want the brand name drug, I need to take myself down to HR, locate the person responsible for choosing our plan, and share with her/him the intimate details of my medical health and history and why I need this particular pill and why he/she should add it to "the list."

Does my medical company understand the difference between a generic equivalent and a generic equal? Apparently they don't care. There is no mechanism to override the approved drugs on HR's list choosen by those HR folks with an apparent medical degree.** My doctor does not know what's best for me medically. According to Insurance Company, only HR does.

So my response to the insurance company? "I don't think I'll fill this prescription. Instead, I'll go to the doctor Every Single Month, pay my co-pay of $25 and let you pick up the other $175+ while the doctor monitors my ailments and explains why the drug she prescribed would make me feel better and see you next month (and give me a free sample)." Somehow I think paying for my silly drug would be cheaper for them. And my snarky comment might've put me in the red on "kindness" points....

**This is not a diss on HR people. I understand that they have a job and guidelines and are likely quite knowledgeable about the statistics and choose drugs based on the good of the people in the company as a whole as balanced against costs. and the fact that my insurance company does not have an override mechanism is not my HR's fault. But the result from my silly insurance company's policy is that my HR person's choices trump my Doctor's recommendations. and THAT is the target of this rant. Believe me I love my HR people.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The Armrest Struggle and Other Flying Etiquette

Normally when traveling I manage to snag a window seat on planes (my preference) and if some unlucky late arriver has to sit in the middle, I give them space. Meaning I relinquish the armrest. I think it's the consolation prize for getting stuck in the middle. Besides, I have one over by the wall. So the one in the middle between us? I won't even arm-wrestle you for it. I concede.

But my foot space? That's my space folks. You really need to keep your feet in front of you. Not all over by my bags so that after takeoff I can't get to my little briefcase.

And my space begins where the armrest ends. Can you please keep your coat and your arms and your shoulders in your space? (Which I've already said includes the armrest). And no dozing on my shoulder. Nosirreee.

Just a little flying etiquette from the person over here trying to be kind...

And Chitown? I didn't mean to diss Chicago - I love chicago, but not when it's 7 degrees and snowing and we have to wait for the snow to clear for the plane to land that we were supposed to take home 2 hours ago...and then we have to sit on the runway in line for the de-icing trucks. Nosiree not likin' that weather. Give me chicago in the spring or summer or even fall. But not now....

Monday, December 8, 2008

How my bloggy friends are having crazy experiences while my kids try to kill me...

Sometimes when I think my life is a little crazy, I read my bloggy friends and realize my life is totally lame. Over in Japan Debbie is planning a kickass party. Out west katydidnot is having the usual fricks and clandestined trips to the doctor with unsuspecting kids and Suzy is putting up her tree and telling us stories. Just for starters.

Meanwhile at Casa de Next Door? I am knee deep getting ready for trial, traveling every other day (Ft lauderdale, yeah. Chicago. Ugh. Oklahoma - not sure how I feel about that one yet). wondering when if ever I am going to Christmas shop (apparently Black Friday was the one and only opportunity...who knew. OH wait the internet! Right!) and trying oh so trying to maintain my "Random Acts of Kindness" balance.

And how's that going?

Well, the kids decided, without knowing about my new resolve, to put me in the hole by 2,698 points when they got into a "tussle" [Son's word] and Daughter put her fist through the back window. By the Grace of God no one was hurt, not even the 3 puppies (why yes I did have DRD again last week - she's actually growing on me) when Daughter claimed to have vacuumed up the shattered glass but when I came home an hour later it was still scattered all along the baseboards and large chunks were found out in the hall. By the Grace of God I did not lose it.

Amazingly, my determination at Kindness prevented me from ripping off their heads and spitting down their necks. Yes, in a past life I just might have done that. But Valium Mom listened patiently first to Son and then to Daughter (individually while the other was banished from room) and passed no judgment. AND, I didn't yell or cuss or otherwise lose patience when I came home and crunched glass and called for Daughter to get her butt downstairs and finish cleaning up and she got all pissy and somehow that was MY FAULT. And then Valium mom made a nice dinner of ham and sweet potatoes and salad and said, "Let's sit down and discuss this and determine what the consequences of this should be." I started the meal as we often do - with a prayer. This one was about giving us patience and love and helping us to appreciate God's gifts to us. And then, it happened. They started laughing while I was praying. And my resolve to be all Random Acts Kindness??? Buh-Bye. Having arrived at well beyond ripping off heads at that point, I got up, put my dinner on the counter -um well I might have thrown it on the counter - and left. I went upstairs and started packing. And resolved never to speak to the urchins again.

And what was the tussle all about? who was going to finish bringing the recycle bin up from the curb. It went a little deeper into "he tries to run her life" and "she does things on her own schedule." But really folks. The RECYCLE BIN? Our driveway is 2 carlengths. Maybe.

And then I left them.

OK so it was a preplanned weekend and Ex had the kids. But still it was so satisfactory to pretend I was packing and leaving them all spontaneous-like and letting someone else deal with their teenage moments. Can someone out there give me a "BadMom"? Yeah, thanks.

Despite the Urchins' best efforts to sabotage my Random Kindness, I think I'm pretty much in the black. I gave up my seat on my flight back last night and let everyone else go in front of me and waited 40 mintues for them to rebook me b/c the poor lady behind the ticketcounter was going nuts while everyone shouted "Me first me first." And I smiled as the girl at the parking lot overcharged me the wrong amount and had me get out of the car in the freezing rain and go inside to the office to fix it. True I was coming off 3 days sailing in the Miami-Keys area, so I was feeling mighty relaxed and happy. But the old me would've been much more impatient. Inside I was still a little impatient. But I'm beginning to like this new, less-impatient me. OH I still yelled at my boss today when he wasn't understanding that my plane was leaving and no I couldn't get on a conference call and do just one more thing for him. And I sniped off my assistant's head when, despite her clearly knowing that I was racing the clock and asked her to do 2 very specific tasks, one of which included not giving me back the edits I just handed her handed me back the edits I just gave her. Hmmm. She's too darned fast and I should've been grateful, not pissy. I apologized.

So How are your Random Acts working out?!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

December is random Acts Month

Tis the Season, falalalala and all that as Lucy says in Peanuts.

Driving around yesterday finishing up some shopping for our Angel Tree project I alternated between feeling happy about the unknown child who would hopefully have a brighter Christmas day because of our company's project and being annoyed with rude people who cut you off in traffic and cut in front of you in line. The former good feelings belong in December. The latter bad feelings do not. So what to do about it?

I have declared December my personal "random acts of kindness" month. Along the lines of those of you who did the daily blog posting in November, I vow to practice daily random-ish acts of kindness. They can be biggish like sponsoring a child for Christmas or volunteering for social goodness, or they can be smallish like extending extra patience and kindness to the insurance company on the phone when you are the fourth person I've spoken to and you insist you are still not the right person and pass me off yet again. AND if I lose my cool, get annoyed with other drivers or shoppers or co-workers [do I have to include my kids? Yeah I probably do], well, that cancels out the kindness. The goal: each day to tip the scales in favor of kindness.

Yes I know I know, we should do this every day of our lives. But I don't. For those of you who know me personally, you know I move at "240," I have a short temper, and I have no patience.

So I am taking advantage of my general glee and feelings of good cheer that surface this time of year. I love Christmas. I love the good cheer, the abundant ways there are to help other people, the joy on other people's faces when you do something for them. I love the happy music, the fond memories, the joy of knowing I am blessed with an awesome family and fabulous friends. I am thankful for my faith that gives reason for the season beyond rank commercialism. I love the parties with friends and family and the opportunity to visit with people and say, "Hey I'm thinking of you, and I think you're special."

And maybe, just maybe, if I can allow each day's goodness to outweigh each day's badness, then perhaps after 31 days, this practice will become a "habit" that will continue in 2009 and beyond.

For some of you, this personal challenge would be no challenge at all. But for me, this is a Very. Big. Challenge. A challenge, however, more worthwhile than anything I've tackled in a long time.

Care to join me? Leave a comment, post this button on your site, link back. (I don't know how to do all the fancy stuff with buttons and links. I created this "button" on powerpoint and then grouped it into a photo. that's as high tech as I get people.) And let the Joy Begin.

Monday, December 1, 2008

I thought Lawyers didn't knit....

Once upon a time, I wrote why Lawyers Don't Knit. Or why they shouldn't. Or why this lawyer shouldn't knit. After a few "fun fur" scarves and a lot of anxiety, I gave it up. I also gave up commuting on the metro, which was my prime knitting time.

So how is it I find myself in the front seat of the car every morning working on this:

Except mine is about 1/2 that long, all purple and um, not quite so perfect (I'm too lazy to take my own photos, upload them, and paste them in. Hello anyone listening out there who wants to get me a new, simple digital camera for Christmas? Anyone? Anyone at all?? Sigh, I'll buy one myself.....)

Yep she's at it again. Daughter had the bright idea to make scarves for her friends for Christmas. Oh but Daughter doesn't really knit. Daughter dragged me, kicking and screaming to knitting circle at church We took knitting up together at church but she never really practiced. And I learned to knit, much to my shock and amazement (remember Michael's is my personal, living hell people). Soooo, we went off to Michael's this weekend - where they sell this

which is the only sane reason I can find for going.... and we bought Daughter yarn in various colors for scarves for her friends. Lots of different colors. Lots of friends. Then my mouth overtook my sanity and I said, "Would you like me to help you?" Remember this is my fickle "love-you-now-hate-you-in-5-minutes" teenage Daughter. So the chance to play the hero? Yep, I took it. And she is soooo happy that I am willing to help her. Even if she is an unusually harsh critic and examines my every want it perfect or you want it done? You can't have both this time baby. I'm a Lawyer who shouldn't knit....

Edited to add: the kids are driving while I am knitting - believe me, i can't knit and drive. ....and I messed up so badly I had to take it in to work to my LAA [legal administrative assistant] who not only is the best assistant in the world, she is also a champion knitter. Somehow she managed to save about 1/2 my work - yep it was that bad....sigh