Tonight, sitting in my kids' high school band concert, watching the female conductor from behind, I started giggling. And knew I was going to hell. Straight for it. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
The kids' bands are pretty talented and I love concert night. The less experienced bands play short pieces that are entertaining and educational. And the conductor? She jiggles. There is no other way to describe it. She always wears black polyester pants that leave little to the imagination. I know exactly what her underwear looks like. And how big her thighs are. And she's really not that big. It's just she has apparently never heard of Spanks. And yes I'll take that ticket to hell right now.
Apparently my travel Karma has expired. Perhaps it was paying it forward for the bad thoughts I would have about the band instructor. But I lost my bags on the way to Oklahoma (or, Delta decided that 1.5 hours pre-flight was just enough time to get them on the wrong plane) and went to Wal-mart at midnight in an ice storm so that I could buy dress pants to meet the client. I never ever travel in jeans. Something possessed me to Sunday. Never again.
Then our star witness, the one I went to Oklahoma to meet, couldn't meet me b/c he was in the hospital - since Friday. No one thought to alert the lawyers. So I waited til he came in Wednesday. Turns out he's fine. Just didn't want to see the lawyers I guess.
Oh and our other witness? Major surgery. Unavailable until well after trial. Still figuring that one out.
There are other details of my trip to Oklahoma that are not ready for publication but that made my trip difficult. Oh but if you ever go to Tulsa? Stay at the Ambassador hotel - the city's best kept secret. Totally wonderful. Fabulous restaurant. My room was a suite. Lovely people. The housekeeper called me when she found my checkbook. I loved it. Then I tried to leave Oklahoma. HA. Delta, the wonderful airline that couldn't put my bag ON the right plane, couldn't get us out of Tulsa. So they put us on American. To Dallas. Because yeah, Dallas is on the way home from Oklahoma to DC. And then we sat in Dallas for an extra 30 minutes added on to our 2.5 hour layover. I was supposed to be home by 9pm. I finally found my bed at 1:30 a.m. Karma. For giggling about the jiggling. See you in Hell.
7 comments:
A teacher gave me an invaluable piece of advice--only erase the board up and down--never, ever side-to-side. Why? Jiggling.
Hi! I am one of your "blog stalkers." I really love reading your posts! Feel free to check mine out anytime!
Just wanted to add that if you are going to hell for noticing the jiggling, then all the rest of us are too!
Spandex should only come in size small or medium, but then people that should be in larger sizes would cram themselves into a small anyway.
"I think it has something to do with the way I fill out my skin-tight blue jeans. OHHH Lord it is hard to be humble...."
I will be in hell with you for all my bad thoughts. Thoughts only though...we don't say mean things out loud!!
Did you ever get your luggage?
So, um...it's going to be really bad for me then.
my word verf? screutri
(at the Pearly Gates)"Oh her? yeah, she's in the screutri line for screwing with people on the road when they annoyed her."
It's not so wrong to notice jiggling you know. I call it "people watching." The world needs more Spanx. I'm convinced.
I think there is a really bad country song about being stuck in Tulsa...and someone once told me that "to get to hell, you have to go through Dallas...and hell is probably nicer"!!!
My mom was just telling me about some girl playing basketball that "had to be wearing a thong 'cause her ass was all over the place". There must be some bad "jiggle" action going on all over the place.
Here's to some better karma for you, luv!!
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