Thanks to the well wishers and positive peeps out there who give me more credit than I deserve. The whole "not passing the bar" thing has nothing to do with my intelligence or lack thereof - I know I can pass a bar (unless it's having a GREAT happy hour), but I also know you really have to study. A Lot. I met lots of practicing attorneys who were there taking it the second time because, surprise surprise, they didn't have time to study the first time.
But I asked you all "why didn't I study when I had the chance?" And kudos to Suzy who hit it spot on: I simply wasn't ready.
And I think this all has to do with The Big Move, which in many ways resembles The Big Divorce. For many years I knew I wanted to be Divorced from Ex, but the actual doing part was so hard. There were kids to consider, and stuff, and moving, and splitting up, and telling people, and being an outcast and admitting certain failures, and hiring a lawyer, and filing court papers. Etc etc etc. But finally, after many years I got up the courage, set the wheels in motion, and pulled the plug.
And Now? It feels great and I know it was the right thing to do.
Looking back on the Florida Bar experience this week, I realize that just going and taking the test, even without studying, was the right thing to do. It helped me focus, made the decision more real. And now I know that I do want to pass this - I do want to make plans to move. I might not move this year or next, but I want to position myself so that when the time is right - when the job is right and it feels right with the kids - then I will be in a position to Go.
As my sister told me, "How do you eat that elephant? One bite at a time...."