Tuesday, March 31, 2009

HEY KEN IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU

Why do you come here every day?

It's not about you. Maybe once it was. For a long time in my life it was. All About You. What you thought. What you wanted. What you needed. The Rules you Made. The ways I failed you.

But Now? It's not about YOU. You wanted your freedom 12 years ago. Yet I stuck by you for 11 more. You never loved me. You asked me to get out of your life and leave you alone. Not contact your family. Not step in your yard. Not write to you. Or Call you. Or be socially pleasant to you.

And so I did. But still you hate me. Still you do stupid and obnoxious things to me that hurt and confuse your children. Yeah Your Children, but no you don't hurt me. Because me? "can't touch this." Remember what we used to say long ago? "If you didn't care it wouldn't upset you so much." And I have found you don't upset me any more. Make me laugh at your silly, ridiculous ways? Yeah. Wonder about your hypocrisy? Yeah. But that's about it.

So if you are so hell-bent on removing me from your life, why do you visit my blog every day?

It's not about you. And I have nothing for you here. Go get your own life. I have gone and gotten mine. And? It's pretty damned good.

32 comments:

ModernMom said...

Whew! That ought to straighten him out. Keep bloggin for YOU!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I hope it works.

Katy said...

Well said!

OMFG, my word verification word is PRICK! I shit you not! I do believe that is a sign from God, what do you think?

Lana said...

Hmmm. I wonder if he'll keep reading?

My word verification is "draphos". Can't figure how to work that into a sentence, so we'll just leave it as that I suppose. No fun!

Allmycke said...

You propped him up for 20 years - now he's sort of rudderless because it's hard work to take charge of your own life. Insert some violins here...
My word verfication is "tomutsa" - sounds slightly Italian, yes?

Kalynne Pudner said...

Mine is "uncher." I think it means "regret" in some Eastern European dialect. Whatcha think, Kenny Boy?

Persnickety Ticker said...

You.Go.Girl!

Put the F*tard in his place.

Don't you hate it when clingy little bits of lent that just hang on and on and serve no purpose but to annoy you and make you wish you had THE BIGGEST, STICKIEST LENT ROLLER EVER TO CRUSH HIM AND REMOVE HIM?

What? Only me?

OK.

(nice job on the place putting tho. proud.)

Busy Bee Suz said...

Apparently *someone* has no life and is trying to follow YOURS!!!

SO sad really.

hulagirlatheart said...

Way to keep your perspective. This kind of thing can hurt you only if you let it.

Philly said...

You tell him !!

#1

ChiTown Girl said...

Are you freakin' serious?!!? Get a life, Assbag!

How did you find out that the assbag was reading this? I'm just curious because I wonder if the ex reads mine. Stud Muffin does sometimes, and I'm wondering if he shared it with his father.... Way to go, by the way, on PUBLICLY calling him out on this! Way to go, Girlfriend!!

Carol P. said...

You're giving him more energy than you want to, I think. He's just one more reader, and you're not polling the rest of us on why we read your blog.

Treat him like any other lurker: Wish him nothing but the best in the same way that you generally hope that the people in the traffic around you make it to their destinations without harm. Even the ones who just cut you off... And continue about your livelihood. The rest is between him and his conscience.

"He works his work, I mine."

Carol P. said...

ChiTownGirl, Sitemeter, feedjit, google analytics, and others can give you free and paid statistics gathering on your blog in different formats. It doesn't identify individual users, but it does identify IP addresses which can be mapped (via arin.net if needed) to particular places. Depending on the circumstances, it can be very obvious who's reading which a blog.

Even so, anything said on the internet in a public place is open for anyone to read. Many "private" places are really public space AFA the internet is concerned, so be prepared to stand by (or even eat) your words on occasion....

The Girl Next Door said...

You know, Carol P, I had those same thoughts except for one big difference: his total hypocrisy. He's all "leave me alone" and "we no longer share anything in our lives" and then he's all "stalker." if he were even the least bit hospitable or - gasp - friendly? I would never call him out. Kind of like if any person in my life gave me the complete and total brush off in front of all my family and friends and then stalked my blog. I'd call him/her out.

And yes I know this is a public place. Again, anyone can visit. But be a hypocrite and I'll call you on it.

And now, I'm done. If he stays lurking, that's his choice and won't affect (effect? my worst grammar issue) my future posts.

Laura - Are We Nearly There Yet Mummy? said...

Only just found your blog ... what a post!

3 Peas in a Pod said...

WOW, really???? How did you find that one out? Yick. Again, poor you.

Much love from NJ,
Sue
xoxo

Carol P. said...

Yah, well, I can certainly say that there are plenty of things that I'm not living up to my words/beliefs on. In some, I'm sure I'm a total hypocrite (objectively), but I'll argue otherwise (a familial trait I'm sure you recognize). A foolish consistency is a hobgoblin of little minds, "Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes," and all that.

I agree, it's not particularly becoming. But I don't think calling him out will be the thing that makes him stop. When he experiences enough growth, he'll let go.

Meanwhile, he's not being actively destructive, which means that all you can control is your attitude. If it were his sister or his aunt, would you still be squicked? If he kept a blog would you read it to see whether he told interesting stories about his (your) kids?

Hang in there and keep living your life joyfully and purposefully and gracefully, no matter who reads your blog or for what motivation. That's why I read here, to be amazed that I'm actually related to someone who can cope so well under challenging circumstances.

(Apparently I'm in a poetry-quoting mood: First Tennyson, mow Milton, Whitman. Serves to indicate the commonality of human experience, which is where I try to ground myself. Also a distraction from sprints and scrums and architecture and sizing meetings....

My own sainted and awesome dad always says that "there are no new jokes, just new audiences." Nothing new under the sun and all that. I figure that while the specific combination of thoughts and experiences make me unique, there ain't nuttin' (apart from a few s/w inventions) that I'm experiencing that someone else hasn't experienced and survived to talk about (or not survived, but those are different blogs...).

And if they survived it, then I can too, reminded that we're all human, each and every one of us doin' the best we know how in the circumstances we're blessed with, all looking to learn how to cope more gracefully with those circumstances, and all learning how to place our lives in meaningful context. YLMV (your life may vary), but we're all in it together and with you.

Cue Dan Fogelberg "Seek inspiration in daily affairs" and R&H, "You'll never walk alone")


Back to the ol' architecture document and project sizing spreadsheet...

zelzee said...

He's an ass.

Trust me.......
Been there
Done that
Got the T-shirt
AND
a mug!

San Diego Momma said...

Good for you.

That was a powerful post...now I hope he listens.

JO said...

You go GND! That's my girl!

And for the Ken-Doll....Bitter, Party of one - your table is ready. Sit down, relax a moment, review the menu - but remember that that you can't order the tastiest dish. You had your chance and you blew it - the Dish has moved on to bigger, better, and more importantly MORE HEALTHY pastures. STBY Bitter, STBY.

WOOT WOOT WOOT GIRL! WOOT WOOT WOOT!

DF said...

Obviously you have many supporters that want to hear about how your life is progressing post marriage. They support you in all that you do to make your world a better place. Count me as one of the supporters.

However, one lurker hides in the shadows, sneaking around just to see if you are saying any juicy secrets about them. But as you said, it is not about them, it is your blog about your life post ex.

phd in yogurtry said...

Is it safe to say the degree of obsessive focus on your life is equal to the lack of fulfillment in his own?

just jamie said...

Holy crap. I think I love you.

Jason, as himself said...

Wow. I'm sorry.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Dude,

You got the power.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

What I mean is that by letting go of the outcome like you just did, you have the power.

Wow.

You.

Wow.

dkuroiwa said...

Dear Ken,
What. are. you. doing? Get a life. The one you keep visiting and dancing around, you gave up. It moved on. WooWoo...that train left a long time ago...and there you are, at the station wondering WTF happened. Life happened, baby. Get used to it.
Signed..
Someone who doesn't really care about you, but who is terribly fond of the woman you are harrassing.

Damama T said...

You tell him! Isn't it an odd circumstance of the human condition that even though we profess unceasing loathing for something we still harbor a morbid curiosity about it's current status? LOL! Hang in there. Eventually he'll grow up and move on. Or not! LOL! ;o)

Anonymous said...

I can feel his seething. Freedom is so delicious, especially when you've been locked away. You're an inspiration.

Robin

Feisty Irish Wench said...

Just one word

VESTIGIAL

It's what I have dubbed my brother's wife on paper. ::bites keys to avoid peppermint ones later::

word verf: blical... what a blical you've gotten yourself into now isn't it?

DysFUNctional Mom said...

WOOOHOOO!! I so know this feeling except it's the ex's psycho WIFE reading my blog obsessively. So I LOVE this post!!

Pamela Kramer said...

LOL - Seriously? He reads your blog? What's up with that? Maybe he's reading about Mr. Captain? lol