I have a very dear, new Friend who has been patient, kind and loving in the last few months in a way I never knew existed nor dared imagine. Many of you know that although not "happy" to be divorced, I am happier having faced the reality that my marriage had become an unfixable mess. My kids know that I am happier. Get this - they are beginning to hold that against me, and Ex is playing it up. "poor dad" if I hear that one more time, I will do something dangerous... And I want to shout from the rooftops, "HE MADE THIS CHOICE!!! I AM NOT THE BAD GUY HERE!!" But of course, I cannot. I will not use my kids, and I will not fill their heads with bad stuff about their dad. But I cannot sit idly by and take more punishment nor continue to "live the lie." I lived that way for so long. And I have put me aside for too many years. I will not sacrifice another 2 or 3 or 5 years. An obvious solution is family counseling, but Ex put the kibosh on that immediately, and Kids will not go.
Anyway, after another bout of my own pity party last night, to which Friend was again invited, Friend sent me the following words of wisdom. I hope, if Friend reads this He is okay with the post. I didn't ask permission, and I removed personal comments interwoven. Friend has no idea he is so gifted in the way he sees things calmly, despite me telling him so.
"Herein lies the challenge; to stay centered in the thought of the highest level of love and peace that we can manage and to view each experience from that perspective. Then to create action from that perspective that will use the energy from within to maintain that balance....
All experiences are lessons that teach us how to improve our relationship with God within us. That's it, period. And as that relationship improves then the experiences on the outer are more manageable because we can stay centered more easily....every day, or minute we make a choice of how we see and act in the world ...... They [the kids] are wonderful and have fun because they choose to do so. Dad right now has chosen to feel sad and maybe that is OK for a while. . ... Inspire them to see that they choose every day how they will live and so does every one else on the planet. "
Can I have this tatooed on me so that I can keep it with me? OK maybe just a piece of paper in my pocket is a better idea...
3 comments:
wow. "Friend" sounds like Mr. Zen.
it's good to have someone with this kind of perspective in your life. it's so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day BS and forget about what really matters to us as humans. Love.
:)
To be honest, I do kind of feel bad for your X. NOT because you're not with him anymore -- heaven knows, I think that's about the best thing ever. But because from everything I've heard about him, he honestly prefers to be miserable; to play the victim; to hide in churches. What a sad and exhausting way to go through life.
I'm so glad you realize that you can no longer be responsible for his emotional state. I'm sure that, in time, the kids will see it, too.
Yeah, that might be a rather wordy tattoo...You could condense it to "Stay Centered." Or the piece of paper thing would be good.
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