Sunday, October 5, 2008

A few Days of Bliss and an A-Ha moment...

As you know from the Dumb Runaway Dog story, below, Ex was out of town for a few days this week. Why does that matter? hmmm. Yes, why exactly does that matter?

Because while he was gone, there was peace and tranquility in my life.

Ok not really, but I did have a sense of peace that is not there on a daily basis when he is there.

Why you ask? Therein lies the $64,000 question: WHY DOES THAT MATTER?

And the fact that I do feel differently when he's home than when he's not suddenly hits me and I begin to see why so many people think it's just a little odd that we live next door to each other.

Somehow, when he's not there, he's not there. It's easier to forget. And maybe I'm still wallowing through the "forgetting" stage, because the remembering hurts too much. Or pisses me off too much, depending on what I'm remembering.

And maybe the feelings I have of pissiness and ugliness towards him explain why he experiences the same when he sees me. Maybe it explains why he was not at all grateful for me taking care of his dog. Maybe it explains why he runs back in the house if he starts to go out back with his Dumb Runaway Dog and sees me out back with my dogs. Maybe it explains why when I walked over to deliver the medical records from the emergency room vet clinic, he snatched them out of my hand without saying a word to me. Not even thanks. Maybe it explains why when I send him emails about the kids, he answers with as few words as humanly possible.

It shouldn't matter if we live next door or in the next block or the next town or the next state. It shouldn't but it does.

And I'm going to admit it: I hate living next door to him. Not that he does anything nefarious. I just don't like the vibe....

11 comments:

Persnickety Ticker said...

I feel your pain in the respect that I still live in the same house with mine. Thankfully the house is large enough for us to mostly avoid each other but not big enough for me to be completely comfortable. I feel happier when he goes to work or is gone from the house.

Unfortunately he is going to start working from home in a few weeks.

He weighs too much for me to be able to effectively hide the body...

ChiTown Girl said...

Oh, Girlfriend...I am sooo there with you!! You no doubt read a couple of my rants about my ex, so you know I understand. I really don't know how you do it. I'd be throwing a molotov cocktail over the fence every freakin' day!!

I wish I knew why we gave a crap still. It's a mystery to me, as well. I wish there was a switch I could flip that would just turn it all off, but no such luck. I think one of the problems is that we brought children into the world with these men, so we're bound to them for life. It would be a lot easier if they could just fall off the face of the Earth, wouldn't it? Out of sight, out of mind.

Thanks for the sweet word you left on my blog, by the way. I'm with you - we need to find the secret and make a bizillion!

Rabidparadise said...

I agree with chitown girl...if they could just fall off the face of the Earth. Going through A-Ha moments here too. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier to stay...Thank God for A-Ha moments! XO

Mrs. G. said...

Yeah, sometimes it's not good to be that close, to look at each that much. I understand the strange vibe-I wouldn't feel as free in my own yard. Hang in there.

Suz said...

Is it a possibility to move a bit further away? The kids will be driving more soon....
It may give you the peace that you are looking for. Just a thought.

TinkerDoodle said...

How can someone not even give a thanks when you've taken care of there dog and nursed it back to health...I think it's a great thing that you took care of HIS animal!

Brock said...

How much would a fence cost?

hulagirlatheart said...

I don't think I could do it, but then, I live next door to my in-laws, so maybe I'm stronger than I think.

I hope this gets easier for you...soon.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Vibes are palpable indeed.

You get a gold medal in my book.

dkuroiwa said...

I don't have an ex...and no plans to, if all works according to plan..but, I do have a couple step-fathers and step-mothers and still find it so hard to believe that 1)you're living next door and there hasn't been any bloodshed and 2)he acts the way he does! Seriously...act like a spoiled kid much, does he?!
So....good question from brock...how much WOULD a really nice privacy fence cost? When the kids graduate in a few years, will this situation stay the same? You have withstood waaaaaay more than I ever could have. I'm bowing down in your direction!!
Hang in there....and check into getting that fence!!

America said...

My ex and I lived 50 ft from each other for 4 years so I know how you feel. I didn't want to go outside when he was around and I found it impinging on my happiness. And it also allowed him to take advantage of me schedule wise. So I finally evicted him. And I feel sooooo much better. I wish I had done it years ago!