So here I am.
But First, I wanted to say what a difference a Day Makes. Last night on my way home, equally ridiculously late, Kenny Rogers came on the radio, "Through the Years." And stupid me, I didn't turn it off. Nope. I let it play. And of course cried like a stupid girl b/c that's how it was supposed to be but that's not how it is.
This morning dawned brightly and clearly. I put on my Big Girl Suit for a Big Girl Meeting with a certain Important Regulatory Body of the US Government. Feeling like a Big Girl Lawyer, particularly after Tuesday's Big Girl Argument in Federal District Court in which I pretty much beat up on the other side and had fun doing so, I was ready to rock. Anyway, on the drive in I put my iPod on shuffle, after loading up songs last night from old old CDs I finally loaded into my library. And what comes on? Gene Kelly and Singin' In the Rain. One of my alltime Favorite movies. And as I drive through the streets of DC I can see him splashing and dancing and enjoying life. And I thank God that I have a job I Love. I have a family that is awesome. I have a Special BF who gets me even though I don't know why he gets me. And Life Is Good.
And then a really old, well not really old, but old Christian Song comes on from my days of leading the children's choir when I listened to Christian CDs all the time (and liked myself a lot more in some ways): Phillips Craig and Dean "Blessing in the Thorn"
I read about a man of God
Who gloried in his weakness
And I wish that I could be
More like Him and less like me
Am I to blame for what I'm not
Or is pain the way God teaches me to grow
I need to know
When does the thorn become a blessing
When does the pain become a friend
When does the weakness make me stronger
When does my faith make me whole again
I want to feel His arms around me
In the middle of my raging storm
So that I can see the blessing in the thorn
I've heard it said the strength of Christ
Is perfect in my weakness
And the more that I go through
The more I prove the promise true
His love will go to any length
And reaches even now to where I am
But tell me once again
Lord, I have to ask You
On the cross You suffered through
Was there a time You ever doubted
What You already knew.
And I am reminded that the pain I feel - the pain of last night, the pain of some things I face daily, they are all a blessing. They are all what I need to be experiencing right now in order to Grow. And that I need to remember to turn to God in these times and He will help me through. It has been a long time since that turning to Him has been second nature. And I miss that in my life. And today, I feel very blessed indeed.