Thursday, September 18, 2008

Ass Update: The Ass and My Ass

So it's thursday and I missed the Wednesday Ass Update: so sue me. I think I know a good lawyer....

As for my Ass, well It's growing nicely, thank-you-very-much. Let's see, since last Wednesday's ass update.... a weekend at a spectacular little chalet in Flordia - the Chalet Suzanne - Captain's friend's birthday party. Wine, Veuve Clicquot champagne, awesome bbq, 2 pieces of birthday cake, all you can eat breakfast, 'nough said. And then Tuesday, September 16th? Let's see...breakfast in bed by Daughter, Lunch with BossMan, Dinner with children at Outback (and they let me have first dibs on the cheesefries), cake at home after dinner...must be MY BIRTHDAY. Yep. Thank you Mr. Scale for those added 3 pounds.

And then there's the ASS who lives next door. Ready for this one? Ok aside from the fact that he has taken to running back into the house when he sees me coming outside with the dogs, we had this on Wednesday:

It's my week for the kids. And it's Awards Ceremony Week when the school devotes a night to honoring the kids for last year's performance. And induct the newbies in National Honor Society. (Yes I am P-R-O-U-D so sue me. See above). But with Cross country and PSAT class and soccer, and school being 30 minutes away in non-rush hour...well...we were late to the ceremony. Really late. I came rushing in to the gym, where 600 parents sat cramming the seats and 300 students were lined up outside waiting to do their processional in. I scanned the crowd 1) looking for ex so as not to sit by him, no dice; 2) looking for friends - oops I hear the band, find a seat mom and SIT DOWN. So I spy a seat over on the second section. I crawl over a few people to the middle and plunk down. And then I hear it. A large siiiigggh. Wait. I recognize that sigh - no not the teenagers, they are in line. So I turn my head slightly around and who is sitting right behind me??? Yep. Ex. So now I am giggling. B/c I truly did not see him. And I know he thinks I did and sat in front of him on purpose. Trust me, I never get this lucky.

So we sit through the ceremony ignoring each other. And file out ignoring each other. But I find the kids first and ask if they've seen dad. And direct them to say Hi to Dad. And smile at him but he ignores me. And I take the kids to ColdStone for some ice cream before we hit home.

And that's my Ass update...

Tomorrow I hit the Courthouse to file my "answer" to the divorce papers. I finished them finally today. Took 20 minutes. I just couldn't face it. So I cried my way to school to get the kids. No, I don't miss him. It just wasn't supposed to work out this way. And yeah, it would be nice if he could be friends. I mean, c'mon, we were married 20 years. OH and his parents sent me a card and a very generous birthday check. And once again his sister gets the award for the funniest birthday card ever (my brother a close second...). So there is only one explanation for him: ASS....

13 comments:

Suz said...

wow. I am going to formally comment on this tomorrow when I am in a better frame of mind. But would you PLEASE update your blogroll with my new blog. I feel like a step child.
take care....tty soon friend.

so NOT cool said...

Oh, I forgot all about the Ass Update this week. I'm not taking part, but I like to go around and look at everyone else. Not their bums. Just their progress, you know. :)

I found you blog just clicking around and thought I'd say 'hi'.

Katy said...

Well if his sister sent the funniest card ever and his parents sent a card and a CHECK (rock on!) then that makes him a Mutant Ass who has mutated from his regular, nice, appreciative family.

Call him MA for short. That won't piss him off or anything....

ChiTown Girl said...

I love reading your posts about the ex. We should compare notes one day about our asses. I mean exes!! Same difference, right? I'm right there with ya, Sista. I don't cry because I want mine back, I cry because this is not how it was supposed to be. This was not the plan I had. Ahhh...more on that another day when I don't need to hit the sack :(

ChiTown Girl said...

Oh, happy birthday, by the way!!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I wonder if he considered how you could carry out such a nefarious plot in a crowd of 600?

Happy Birthday and Congrats on the brilliant offspring.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Yours posts about the ass always ring so familiar! Happy Birthday!

Rabidparadise said...

Like I said in my last comment, rocks. I'm sure they're the answer. And, it's definitely an invitation with him living right next door & all. Keep up the good work, maybe you should write a book. Just change his name so he can't take royalty's. ;-)
P.S. Happy Birthday

Suz said...

Happy belated Bday.
I have always wanted to visit the Chalet Suzanne. And swim in Lake Suzy. :)
We drive past this place a few times a year and I get so excited to see something with my name on it. Pitiful I know. But that is me. That sounds like a good weekend and a nice birthday…you have good kids.
Yes, EX is a total ASS. What is his deal? I wonder if he is SO hurt and embarrassed that the marriage did not work out that he chooses to just ignore you. He needs some therapy. You are obviously the mature one in the relationship, you are obviously trying to make “nice”……
Maybe that is what makes him so angry/depressed/scarred? The fact that you seem to be able to live with out him. Just a few of my thoughts.

hulagirlatheart said...

Happy Belated Birthday! Congratulations on your kids' success!! And congratulations on being mature and not telling your ex to kiss your ass in front of 600people.

dkuroiwa said...

Happy Birthday! (sorry, I came to the party late...traffic, you know!). It sounds like you had a good one...and that's the way it should be, dammit!
Good for you for taking the "high road" and not stooping to his level of behavior...giggling quietly to yourself is sometimes more refreshing. He will get his..and if you're lucky, you'll be there to watch...and take pictures and laugh and post about it later!!
And obviously...if you get money and cards from his family, they know what's going on!!!
You are just too cool for words...keep strong!!
and eat more cake...but standing up, leaning over the sink...less calories that way!!! :-D

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Happy Birthday.

Catchy title there my dear. Well done.

Am I doing okay? said...

Congratulations on moving forward. And for parenting such amazing kids. Found you through Mrs. G.