There are times, like now, when I stand in my backyard, running the dogs, looking up to Ex's window where his light is on, and think, "Why aren't we sitting on the couch in the lovely family room that he rebuilt in front of our awesome home theater enjoying a movie together, sipping some wine, sharing some laughs while the kids are at Ian's watching a movie?"
And I can't help but think, "What a waste."
And I think about NieNie and her lovely family and how she doted on the kids and truly loved her husband and now, well, they're in intensive care fighting for their lives, which, even if they survived, their lives will never, ever ever be remotely the same. And I have to wonder, "Why Them? Why not me? They got it right. We screwed it up. So why didn't they get to love each other as they were happily ever after forever and ever??"
And there's a small, tiny, miniscule part of me that wants to pick up the phone or walk on over there and say, "Hey can we talk about this? Really?"
And then reality strikes. And I remember why He lives there, and I live here. And I know that this is right for us. And I leave the laundry and the kitchen dishes and the piles of leaves that have blown in the back door from Hanna, and I go blog to remind myself that This Too Shall Pass.
9 comments:
While I miss the squishy goodness of the happy times from my past relationships, it only takes a moment to look at physical scars from one ex to remind me of the emotional scars from others. When that makes me want to go raid my liquor cabinet to drown my memories(and remind myself of yet another failed relationship with an alcoholic), I pass by my sleeping daughter looking so angelic on the couch and remember that which did kill me, although the death thing didn't stick, has made me stronger.
There's always tomorrow...
Smile. Not much to say other than I luv ya. Just a smile.
there is no answer to why them? or why me? or why him? it just is. and this too shall pass.
I feel for you. As trite as it sounds, time really does help.
I can't imagine how you feel. Really. I hope you can somehow get past it....and feel better about the situation.
May I suggest a margarita and a toast to your new possibilities? The door is open my dear. Step on through it and see what's on the other side. It could be that One Particular Harbor.
Yes, yes it will. I don't think I could stand to live next door. I don't have your strength. You'll get through this and things may never be 'perfect', life will once again be sweet or sweeter.
I thought I was the only one who had those delusional thoughts, so thanks for making me feel a little more "normal." That is, unless we're BOTH really screwed up! ;-) Whatever!!
Your blog caught my attention, based on its name.
My ex and I are good friends (but we're both remarried) and even spent last Thanksgiving together as families. And had family portraits taken together. (We share a son.)
My sister lived next door to her ex for years, but again, they had both remarried. I can't imagine doing it being single! That's GOT to be hard. I'm pretty sure, if I hadn't met my current husband and my ex hadn't met his wife, we might've ended up back together. And possibly unhappy again.
I feel for you, but think it's great you're doing it this way (I assume) for the children. That's so admirable.
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