There are times, like now, when I stand in my backyard, running the dogs, looking up to Ex's window where his light is on, and think, "Why aren't we sitting on the couch in the lovely family room that he rebuilt in front of our awesome home theater enjoying a movie together, sipping some wine, sharing some laughs while the kids are at Ian's watching a movie?"
And I can't help but think, "What a waste."
And I think about NieNie and her lovely family and how she doted on the kids and truly loved her husband and now, well, they're in intensive care fighting for their lives, which, even if they survived, their lives will never, ever ever be remotely the same. And I have to wonder, "Why Them? Why not me? They got it right. We screwed it up. So why didn't they get to love each other as they were happily ever after forever and ever??"
And there's a small, tiny, miniscule part of me that wants to pick up the phone or walk on over there and say, "Hey can we talk about this? Really?"
And then reality strikes. And I remember why He lives there, and I live here. And I know that this is right for us. And I leave the laundry and the kitchen dishes and the piles of leaves that have blown in the back door from Hanna, and I go blog to remind myself that This Too Shall Pass.