Monday, October 4, 2010

Balancing Act

The kids are in college - they are adults and yet, they are my babies.

Still trying to find that middle ground where it all balances out. I am working on it, yet I can't seem to find it. Have you found it?

For example, I went to see Daughter at school for Parents' Weekend. We had so much fun. It was great to see her in her environment - walking down the street calling out to pals, shopping and finding things for her, talking about her dorm, boys, food, parties. Parties. Listening as she shared with me in honesty what she was doing on the weekends. Trying hard to find the Balance - not condoning but not condemning. So hard to find that middle ground.

Then meeting the Boyfriend. He is sweet. He is well mannered. He is spiritual and thoughtful. He has a few (physical) characteristics I find unusual, but my Daughter accepts him. So I keep my mouth shut and find the Balance.

Son finally calls me -it has been over a week. I know something is up, but he hasn't told me. Finally he tells me - he dropped a class. A required class. I pause and swallow my instant response, "WHAT THE F* R U THINKING?" And chill out to the point where I can ask him, "Did you consult your advisors? Did you evaluate what this means for next semester? Do you have a plan to attack this subject differently next time?" Turns out he didn't ask me OR Dad before dropping - he just dropped. And he hasn't told Dad yet. Striking the balance - I am paying the bills, he must do the work. Wondering if he thinks I am condoning this? Or does he get it that this is so not cool?

Striking the balance. Letting go while still holding on.

And I still miss them so much, every day, I would give anything to have that Do Over.


ChiTown Girl said...

yeah, the whole dropping the class thing wouldn't sit well with me, either. Congrats on being able to hold your tongue and your temper. I know for a fact I wouldn't have been able to do it.

Busy Bee Suz said...

YOU are doing a great job here...but, is your tongue bleeding from all the biting of it?

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

Call me. XO

Gigi said...

I don't know that I could have held my tongue....maybe I need to start practicing now?

Paranoid said...

I think I need to print out this post (and the do-over one) and paste them somewhere prominent. That way, when I'm half asleep because the toddler was up all night or crazed because the preschooler is asking TOO. MANY. QUESTIONS!!, maybe I can chill out and remind myself to embrace this time before it's gone.

DF said...

K and I too struggle with this. Our A is so focus and anal that our trouble is letting her know that she cannot manage our lives.
We get a call from A every day at least once, often more.

OTOH, our C is soooo different that she does not keep us informed as to what is happening. She is self sufficient, but needs pushed to get things done in time. When we do push, she gets mad at us.

Hula Girl at Heart said...

Hmm. I have no words of wisdom. I probably would have foolishly lost my temper over the class dropping thing. Kudos for being calm.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I'm cool with hanging back on the social stuff--but the academic stuff? If you're on my dime it's not just your decision.

Good call on the boyfriend thing :)

TAG said...

Where your daughter attends certainly has a reputation as a place where parties are not hard too find.

Best you can do is remind her why she is there. Having some fun along the way is important. But letting the fun interfere with the main purpose is foolish. From what you've posted about her in the past, she doesn't seem like the foolish type.

As for the son, I wish I had some words of wisdom there. Sadly, I have none. This might well mean an extra year in college. On the other hand, a dropped class may beat a failing grade had the class not been dropped. I think I would be checking to see if he needs extra help before retaking the class. Sorry, but that's the best I have for now.