Saturday, October 23, 2010

Making Yourself Cry

Do you ever do really stupid things that you know are going to make you cry, but you do them anyway?

It's no secret (I hope) that I love my kids. I'm caught in this weird place where I am so happy for them that they are off at college, learning, experiencing things, loving life, but yet I miss them every single day so much it hurts. Of course I can't tell them that - when they call or text or Facebook chat or skype (I know, really, how can I miss them with all that going on?!) - I pretend all is just great with the world.

And then I hang up the phone, and do something stupid like pull out their scrapbook, or stalk their high school photos on Facebook, or listen to This Song. And I sit and cry.

I don't know why I do this to myself. I know I'm going to cry. My face is going to get blotchy. My nose will run. My eyes get red and puffy.

And yet? I can't stop myself.

Sometimes I think if I just cry and get it over with, then I'll get over it and feel better. But it never works. I just miss them more and now look as gross as I feel.

Am I a dork or what?!

That was a rhetorical question Big Bro' and needn't answer out loud.


Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I think having twins go to college is very, very hard. It's everything at once--I have 4 chances to do it and you have 1. My friend, who had twins, had a really hard time. Plus, the 3 of you are close.

I would definitely give yourself some time--sometimes you need the tears. And maybe a couple of Girls' Night Out with friends.

DF said...

Not a dork, a mom that loves her kids.

ChiTown Girl said...

DEFINITELY not a dork!!! I have no idea how I would handle it if Stud goes away to college. Right now, we're leaning toward starting out at the community college, since he's not entirely sure what he wants to do. I'M the dork, cuz I'm not really pushing him to figure it out, since I like the idea of him staying home a little longer. :(

Gigi said...

No, not a dork at all. I can see myself doing the same when Man-Child ventures off.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I am crying FOR you.
That song will do it every time...I think you should ban it from your ears forever. And mine too.

You are a great Mom who loves her kids dearly. Normal for you to be sad at times...not a dork. :)

Thanksgiving break will be a joyous occasion.

ModernMom said...

If you are a dork then so am I. Sometimes I can feel it coming and instead of changing my train of thought I encourage the damn tears. Maybe we all just need a good cry now and again?

Hula Girl at Heart said...

No, come on over to my house and we'll watch Steel Magnolias and Hallmark commercials together.