Thursday, August 28, 2008

I Should Have Known...

There were sooooo many signs early on that my relationship with Ex was not quite right.


Like our first Valentine's day. He lived 300 miles away. I was in college. He had graduated. He would come up to see me every few weekends. In between we wrote letters Snail mail kinds.

And we talked on the phone when we could afford it. He was 5 years older and had a job.


So Valentine's was coming and he was coming up for a school dance. I was so excited. I spent weeks shopping for him. I was a pretty poor college student - I had to come up with my own spending money, which meant long summers and winter breaks working and saving and no spring break trips and waiting impatiently for that tax check to tide me over til summer again....


And I came up with a "theme" present - a present for every part of the day to remind him of me throughout the day. A coffee mug with "I love you" hearts on it - a big mug - for breakfast. A "good" pen (Cross pen - quite the extravagance in those days) for him to take to work, a Fairfield Key chain engraved with his initials for starting the car or locking/unlocking the house. A Fairfield sweatshirt to keep him warm as he did outside chores. And a personalized pillow case I found at a kiosk in the mall (I am so un-crafty and so un-artsy it is sad) painted with a sail boat (his favorite) and a scripted note on it "Sweet Dreams Ken, Love ME" I thought it was kind of a clever idea and was excited to give it to him.


He was totally non-plussed. To put it mildly.


He already had a pen. Why would he wear a Fairfield sweatshirt when he went to Va Tech? The keychain was too big and hit his knee when he drove. The pillow case was scratchy. He missed the entire theme.


I should have known - right then and there - that we would never really "get" each other......
Instead, I felt stupid and insignificant for thinking that such a dumb idea would appeal to a smart, talented, businessman. Sigh.

8 comments:

Suzanne said...

Well you my dear are not stupid or insignificant...that was a very clever idea. (I may use it myself)
What a jerk he is. And yes, you should have seen it, but like they say: Love is blind.
And the best thing to come out of your not seeing he was a jerk is, your beautiful kids. You got the goods and you moved on.
He has lost out on a great gift...the gift of love.

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

you live and you learn!

great story. asshole ex. ;)

Jennifer said...

Love is blind. I too learned that. Ugh. Live and learn.

Thanks for sharing your piece of the world. I'd like to present you with an award. Please stop by my blog to collect the image to post onto your wonderful blog.

DF said...

What you do not see is that men and women communicate on different levels. He never put the whole theme together, and even though you may have explained the theme to him, he still never got it. It did not meet his thinking patterns.

Early in our romance, I did not understand many of the things K did, because I look at them as a guy looks at things. Symbolism, I turn a blind eye because I did not get it. I still do not understand them all, but I am getting better because I try. The difference here is, you gotta wanna. Ex did not wanna.

DYSFUNCTIONAL MOM said...

Why is it we ignore the signs? Live and learn.......

Persnickety Ticker said...

I think it was a great idea. Shame how some of the best ideas are wasted on clueless assholes.

Been there, done that.

On a weird personal note, I had a dream about you and your ex last night...and I haven't even ever met either one of you.

Oh and I thought he was an ass in my dream, too.

dkuroiwa said...

Hind sight will kick your ass almost every time, won't it?!?!
It's amazing how some people just don't get the symbolism of presents...it's NOT the present exactly, it's the thought that comes with it!!
Persaonlly...I think all that was really nice...and like Suzanne, I may be using that...someday...maybe...

Oh...and please....PLEASE....give my best to Jimmy!! I am so incredibly jealous I can hardly stand it!!!! :-D

myra said...

I can only imagine your disappointment at his reaction. At that age, I probably would have reacted the same. When I was in college, I cared more about pleasing others than myself. But these are all life experiences that prepare us for what's coming next. Good, good things for you. I just know it.