Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Just When You Thought He Couldn't Make Me Mad Anymore....

I think it's been a while since I actually posted about the Ex.  Pretty much I just think it's funny that he lives next door and tries to ignore me.  I can be hard to ignore.  Especially when I don't want to be ignored.

But the latest one really got me.

I am moving.  Or trying to move.  House cleaned up, For Sale sign out front.  C'mon offer!!!

Part of the moving process is ditching a lot of stuff I don't want any more.

Now, you might find this a little weird, but our divorce agreement gives each other the "right of first refusal" on personal property.  So about a month ago, I called Ex and said, "Pursuant to our divorce agreement, I am calling you to give notice that I am selling the house and selling certain furniture.  If you want anything, please come over and review it."  (yes I did say pursuant.  no I didn't.  Yes I did.  really.  OK I'm a lawyer.  I like the word Pursuant).

He was quick to hop on what he thought was the "free stuff" bus.

I won't bore you with the truly boring blow-by-blow walk-through of the house where he showed up with a tape measure, pen and pencil, but suffice it to say he wanted anything he thought he could get his hands on.

I decided to "give" him the pool table, because we bought that for the kids.  ("give" because he has to pay to move it).  I decided to give him all the unwanted lawn tools in the shed - old tractor, trailer, etc - because originally the agreement said he got outside stuff and I got inside stuff, but we each left each other a few things.  (I had to take back some of the things he tried to remove that weren't part of the items marked "giving away" - seriously dude you have a compressor built in to your house with a pump and long hose that runs to your garage - why do you want my little portable compressed air holder that retails for $10 and is a total *&^%bitch to fill at the gas station where I pay 75 cents for 2 minutes?)

But when it came to the bedroom furniture - solid cherry and solid mahogany, quality stuff - I drew the line.  I gave him a price (about 1/4 of retail). 

He waited a few weeks, then drafted this "woe is me" email about how it "just isn't right" that he should have to pay me for something he already bought.  Then he went on to imply that anything I sell on ebay or wherever, he should get 1/2 the proceeds.

Why yes my head did spin around and I did spit fire.

Then I drafted a response email.

I took out all the (good) snarky stuff.  And left just the facts:

1) For our property agreement, Ex, Mr. Anal, drafted a thorough spreadsheet of EVERY item in the house and gave EVERY item a value - most of them "full value" not depreciated;
2) Ex did item #1 above because I was getting most of the items in the house and he needed to "up" my side of the spreadsheet;
3) Even at inflated values for personal property, Ex's 1/2 of the pot was $160,000 more than mine (he took his 401K, I took the house, basically, was how it went down);
4) At the mediation, the lawyer asked ME, not HIM if I was ok with the "uneven" distribution of assets;
5) I have never complained about the "uneven" distribution of assets - I viewed it as "equitable" because I didn't have to move and there is a value in that;
6) When we signed the agreement, I "purchased" his 1/2 of all the personal property and "sold" him my 1/2 of the 401K.

I refrained from telling him he could have the bedroom furniture if I could have a distribution from his 401K.
I refrained from telling him that he could pay to me the value HE put on the spreadsheet if he didn't like my "Craigs' List" prices which were thousands lower.
I removed the part about one of us not whining or complaining and the other one needing to get over his fine self.

He hasn't spoken to me since.  (OK I know he doesn't speak to me anyway.  But he has been even more silent.  What you can't get "more silent"?  Yeah, you can.  Trust me).

Anyway, my point is, 4 years have passed and I have moved on with my life - now quite literally - and I foolishly thought that I had heard the last of, "Gee the property settlement wasn't fair and now you have to give me more stuff."

I refrained from saying, "I know the property settlement wasn't fair - can I please have $160,000??!!!"


Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

I don't like to use potty mouth in comments. (I prefer it in real life.) But this warrants it if nothing else has before or ever does again:

WHAT A DICK! Seriously.

Also? What is an air compressor? Why do you have one? Why does one own a built-in one? These are the questions rolling around in my mind.

Back to the dick. As you know, you did the correct thing by offering him a chance to obtain the personal property at a reasonable cost pursuant to the agreement. You offered. He did not accept. Offer. No acceptance. Matter closed.

How sad is it for him that he has to try to pick your bones this way? I will feel some compassion for him. Meanwhile, you go right on not speaking to him. It is a good time for his antics to be N/A to your life.


JO said...

I am still chuckling "He was quick to hop on the Free Stuff Bus". Giggle Giggle.

Gigi said...

That? That is utter bs on his part.

ChiTown Girl said...

Ummm....what the actual fuck is wrong with that man?!

You are a good woman. I wouldn't have even asked him if he wanted anything, and I certainly wouldn't have GIVEN him anything!!! Oy!

Busy Bee Suz said...

He is a miserable sap.
I still can't believe you were married to him for so long...were you sedated??? :)
Gosh...won't you be happy when you are further away? I am so glad you are finally making this move, your life will be improved.

Sandra said...

I relate to this on all levels! I'm 10 years post divorce and just the other day, my ex reminded me that he had to declare bankruptcy because of the debt he had to take. It's like he forgets that I took the other half of the debt. Dumbass. Sorry, had to get the dumbass in there. I swear if I lived next to my ex, I would not have moved on. I would still be trying to think of ways to piss him off. You are a good and forgiving woman.