I had this great Idea last Wednesday - be the nice mom and pick kids up after their first exam and bring them home so that they'd have a 2 hour jump on Thursday's exams (rather than wait for a ride from friends after all exams are over) then go to work and stay at work until 8 pm, thereby putting in a full day, just later. Gave me a chance to run (yes exercise!) in the a.m. and hang out with dogs.
Picked up kids, Dropped kids at home, ran in to grab some stuff, about to leave when the cry goes out, "STINKY BUTT GOT INTO CHOCOLATE!!!!" Oh no. Chocolate kills dogs. that is not a myth. It shuts down their kidneys, affects their heart, damages the pancreas.
Quick, grab the hydrogen peroxide, call the vet to find out how much for a 9 pound dog, shove it down her throat and wait for her to vomit. (heh Suburban Correspondent, I'm honing in on your Vomit Territory!). 20 minutes pass. No vomit. Call vet. Redo peroxide. Wait. No vomit. Duh. Put Stinky Butt in car where she is guaranteed to vomit in 30 seconds. And she does. Bucketfulls of chocolate. Whew. Disaster averted.
But wait. There's more. Because that bag of chocolate that Stinky Butt was caught in? Yeah, it was 3/4 empty. And I will recall, while at work later (oh losing 2 hours to the Vomit Adventure), that it was a full, unopened bag of fondue chocolate. So someone else was there first. Quick call to home.
ME: Hey Kids, I think one of the other Dogs ate some Chocolate, too.
Daughter: No duh Mom, Queen Bee has been barfing all afternoon. Buckets of Chocolate.
Me: (thinking) how the hell did they eat so much chocolate in the 5 minutes we were home?! [they are not allowed to roam house when we aren't home, so it had to occur in that 5 minute span]
Return home from work 10 pm to a distressed Queen Bee. She's not doing well. I let her in my bed, thinking we are going to lose this dog tonight. We didn't get the chocolate out of her fast enough - she started vomiting about 4-6 hours after ingestion, meaning she was processing it. Ut oh. I snuggle with her and listen to her insides rumble, knowing more is coming out.
Sure enough around 1 a.m. I awaken to the sound of Dog Heaves, but I'm a minute too late. Thank goodness she is trained to heave in the bathroom. [no I'm not kidding, but she missed the toilet. She will throw up in the toilet if so guided...] But at least she didn't waste the Wall-to-wall rug with yet another gallon of chocolate vomit.
Next day I take kids to school, go by the office, call the Vet who says, "You need to get her in here NOW for bloodwork and IVs - we might be able to save her." Huh? Really? So I fly home to find a perfectly content Queen Bee showing no signs of distress. Double Huh? I take her in anyway, vet is astonished with her health - stomach fine, heart fine, kidneys fine. Takes blood anyway. Blood work comes back "thick" and a slight pancreas problem, but it will cure itself over time after a weekend of just rice. Vet's only explanation, "Well she's a Lab." Can You Say Marley?
I have stopped crying, I haven't stopped Thanking God (we had a lot of long chats Wednesday night!) and I have Banished Chocolate from my house. Forever. Thank goodness the Firm keeps it in the conference room candy dishes....