Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Fatal Flaw - being a Melter

Imagine this


Yep that's pretty much it.

I have a fatal flaw (just one you ask? Oh I'm sure there are more)

My most annoying (personally i.e. to me) fatal flaw: I'm a melter.

Now you might think I'm a strong girl. I live alone. I have 2 fab 16 YO twins, I am climbing the partner ladder in a big firm, I teach Sunday School and volunteer in the kids' school, I do pro bono legal work. Yep, all around strong chick.


And then today happens.

The medical appointment I've waited 4 weeks for and called about every week to see if there's a cancellation so that I can slide in earlier? CANCELED

And when rescheduling I find out that the test I am so eagerly awaiting? Well that will happen on the SECOND appointment, not the first. Yep a follow-up.

My insurance is changing with the life change and I have no idea of any of this medical stuff is covered b/c I can't understand our benefits write up. (and I'm supposed to be a lawyer).

A GIANT zit is growing on my chin. Wait not giant. GINORMOUS. Did I mention I'm (maybe)seeing BF this weekend?

The trip to see BF in Fla? BF is now on call and I might have to cover SOCCER.

SIS inLaw calls in for backups over the weekend. When I don't have the kids. Either I get a driver for Daughter to soccer tournament or cancel trip to take her myself so that Sis In Law can have a weekend off (a much deserved weekend)

Female parts go haywire - (any more is TMI trust me)

Brief that should be filed by noon is still being played with by partners at 6pm....

FIL calls for ride to get car and you can't say no b/c he always helps you out.

Pretty much all of the above hit within 15 minutes today.

And what did I do? Attack with a plan? NO

focus and organize the things I can change? NO

Sit at my desk and melt? YES PICK ME PICK ME

I totally folded. It's like life is hanging on by a thread. And when any one of the pieces doesn't fall into place, the whole damned thing comes crashing down. I closed my door and cried. I mentally broke up with BF. I canceled all trips for the next 40 years of my life. I mentally quit my job and then remembered the mortgage payments.

Time lapsed 30 seconds.

Text BF and plead emotional breakdown. And admit my silly meltdown and he just said he understood. Sigh.

Apologize to secretary for biting her head off.

Give up on partner filing brief and leave office to help Dad with car.

Call Dr.s and figure out where to go from here, minimizing more waiting time.

But on ride home remember that my first reaction? TOTAL MELTDOWN.

And I am ashamed. And I wonder, do other people react like this? Or am I just a


San Diego Momma said...

Um. What you just described is like a normal reaction for me, so sorry, no help there.

(Hope things get better)


ChiTown Girl said...

Oh, honey! That sounds like normal to me!!

Katy said...

I totally do the same thing. If I try to avoid the meltdown, the universe punishes me severely. So now I just let the occasional meltdown come, go with it, and then move on - think of it as cheap therapy!

Hope all resolves well for you!

ps. my word verification is exess - how perfect!

DF said...

1) it sounds like it was a good thing that my business trip to your area was cancelled, because you could not have handled another thing. I would have been there tonight.

2) Each of us have differing thresholds of tolerance when things go haywire. Once the melting point is reached, the rational mental faculties shut down. The amazing thing is that after about 30 seconds of self inflicted pity party, we pick ourselves up and get on about doing what needs to be done.

Occasionally, help is required, other instances require only ourselves. The past 18 or so months have been a bit more than whelming. You are strong.

Interesting quote: "Is it progress if a cannibal uses knife and fork?" — Stanislaw Lec

Also, my word verification is caterpe- southern for: you better let her out or the caterpe (cat er pee)

Carol P. said...

Hang in there, and try not to be so hard on yourself!

It's OK if your first reaction is meltdown. Or practicing your expansive, non-kid-friendly vocabulary (wait! your kids are old enough that it might not even surprise them that you know certain choice words), at least in your head. Or that you purse your lips and make gorilla sounds and hop around your office to blow off steam (door closed, of course; there's a professional image to uphold). Or bang out the most depressing Beethoven Sonata 2nd movements that you can come up with (Op. 10 No 3 is particularly long, tedious, and funereal, I'm just sayin'.).

It's what you do after that, that's what matters. And there, my dear, you done good. Each of us does the best we can with the circumstances we're blessed with. And sometimes the best we can is barely treading water.

Hang in there, tomorrow's a new day.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

It doesn't count as a total meltdown if you pick yourself back up and get on with things. You're still amazing. Good luck.

Persnickety Ticker said...

Sounds like you had a full on encounter with Murphy's Law today.

Now I suggest you grab good ole Murph by the juevos and make him buy you a round of drinks.

It'll get better. (I say this even though I have no way of knowing if it actually will, it is just the right thing for a friend to say in this situation. I'm all polite like that. Um...yeah.)

Word Vert? bearsht. Not even kidding there. Which could mean bears are hot and therefore also melt or it could mean bearshit which is actually better than bullshit. Or so I have heard.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I melted just yesterday. It was a big one, too. Sometimes, I just can't hold it together any more and it all comes out!
And um, Florida? Are you stopping to visit ME?? :o)

Nancy said...

Awwwe, don't be so hard on yourself ... reaction sounds normal to me.

Here's a scriptto fill:

Take 2 martini's and call in the morning =)

Paranoid said...

Melting is helpful. It helps you deal with all that's coming at you (and it sounds like you have a TON on your plate), so you can do just what you did -- pick up, move on and get things done.

Hang in there. You're doing an amazing job.

Sabrina said...

I think (hope) that it's normal to melt when things completely overwhelm. That's how I gather the strength to pick up and go forward. :-)

DF said...

See how big and diverse your support group is!

joe said...

The initials DQ now take on a whole new meeting. It was good for "Dairy Queen" visitis, a friend's "Dumb Quotient", and even being "Dis-Qualified". However, I will forever now affectionately call you DQ for your own unique way.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Ah. I'm sorry you had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. They happen. {{{HUG}}}

Feisty Irish Wench said...

You're not a drama queen. Drama Queens seek the drama. You try to avoid it but it runs all over and rides up your backside like a cheap pair of pantyhose

word verf: phouta - it just screams of being an arabic expletive

dkuroiwa said...

Drama Queen? nah...that's the kind of woman who lives that all the time...thank God most of us only experience that sometimes....and's done...and we can get on with what is important.
I look upon things like that happenind as one big 'bitch slap' from the universe that says, "hey...slow down...take a breather."...some slaps just hurt worse!!
Hang in there, sister...and yeah..{{hugs}} from me too!!