It's been 2 years since he moved out.
It's been 13 years since he said, "I don't love you. I don't think I ever did."
It's been 23 years since it hasn't been about Him.
And now, finally, it's going to be about Me. At least, that's what one of the leaders told me.
I have decided to join a group at church called "Rebuilding." It's about getting over the divorce and rebuilding my life.
Some of you may find this strange - after all, I have a lovely life, great kids, supportive family, and a fabulous boyfriend.
What you don't know is that I am the Great Pretender. Truly. And all is not well in Casa de Next Door. In fact, some days all is down-right not-right.
And I've decided that these feelings are silly - the feelings of failure, of anger, of sadness, of a lost life. My family tells me so. My friends tell me so. My bloggy friends often tell me so.
So now I will take a journey for me - to explore my feelings, to explore the past, to refocus my goals and to let go of the Ex. [Hmmm I sense a New Blog Title...] Let go of past dreams. Let go of anger. So much anger. Lots of anger. Just let it go. And rebuild Me.
I'm nervous - I like pretending that it's all ok. I like floating along one day after the other seeming to have direction. I like my witty, sarcastic self. I'm a bit afraid to dig deep into this Divorced Girl-Next-Door because, well, I'm thinking it's pretty shallow in here. And I have some filling in to do.
I'm thankful for the Group, for the friends I've already made in just 2 weeks. I'm thankful for the support of the Group and the Family. I'm thankful for the Captain who is not afraid of what I might find on the other side of Rebuilding.
And his lack of fear? Makes me more fearful. Of course that doesn't make sense. Unless you're me.