Friday, May 29, 2009

When Warts are Life Threatening Emergencies

If you are a 16 YO girl with a wart on your knee and are leaving for Spain for 5 weeks to hang with other teens, a wart is indeed a matter of life and death. This particular wart could ruin your entire future as you know it.

If you are a pediatrician, a wart on the knee could be approached with any number of treatments, all of which will eventually possibly remove the wart.

If you are a 16 YO girl who spent every other week in a dermatologist for 4 months trying to get the warts burned off your feet, only to have them grow back exponentially increased with a vengence, you do NOT want your knee wart burned off. You want it cut off. TODAY.

If you are a dematologist, you do not have any appointments for the next 374 days for a simple thing like a wart on a knee. Call back next year. thank you.

If you are a Mom with a precious Daughter who needs a Wart removed TODAY, you will find a way....

enter cell phones and bull sh**. Picture this:

Mother and Daughter, cell phones in hand, list of dermatologists recommended by Pediatrician in Hand, standing in Pediatrician hallway, dialing frantically for someone with an opening so that the Pediatrician can write the referral.
DAUGHTER: What do I say?
MOM: First, you tell them you're calling from the Pediatrician's office with a referral and do they take XYZ insurance. If YES, then you say you have a young woman with a history of wart issues, with a wart on the knee that is causing pain when walking. Said girl is leaving the country for the summer and needs it removed before leaving........
DAUGHTER: I'm only going to spain for 5 weeks.
MOM: No you are going "for the summer." How do you define summer after all?

DAUGHTER: It doesn't hurt when I walk.
MOM: YES IT DOES. Now call. And be convincing.

After 10 calls I opt for an appointment in 3 days where I have to pay out of pocket. What price harmony and pleasure for my daughter?
After 12 calls Daughter gets a positive hit In-Network for 5 days out. Book that, make note to cancel if get something else first.
After 15 calls Mom gets a direct hit In-Network for next day! High Fives all around.

Next day, Mother/Daughter team heads to Dermatologist.
Dermatologist is already aiming his Freezer Concoction when we stop him short. I try to explain, Daughter says, "Let me take this one mom." She explains her Wart History. She appeals to his Father-of-teenager-understanding. She looks him in the eye and says, "JUST CUT IT OFF."
Dr. looks at Mom with eyebrows raised.
Mom says, "She's the boss. Oh and she's the toughest kid you'll ever know."

Dr. does as asked. 3/4 of the way through, as Daughter has flinched not a millimeter, Dr. looks at mom and says, "Oh by the way, you weren't kidding. She's one tough cookie."

And before it was done? She insisted on looking, despite his warnings to the contrary.

The knee is blissfully wart free. And Scar free much to the amazement of the Dr. who was skeptical about cutting it off her knee.

And Daughter? Is even more psyched for her trip to Spain. As if that were even possible.


Kalynne Pudner said...

Nice job! And thanks for the lesson on dealing with the specialist establishment! And to your daughter, buen viaje!

ModernMom said...

YOU are an amazing Mommy! It's hard enough to be a girl...who needs to worry about warts, now she can just dream about her trip! Yeah you!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I'm thinking like mother like daughter.

JO said...

I am wondering how your daughter, and my son manage to BOTH have a wart on their knee?? Seriously? (Oh, and you are a way better mommy - I haven't made an appt yet to get it out!!)

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Props to mom and daughter.

3 Peas in a Pod said...

And you wonder if you're a good mom? Really? You soooooo are!!! She'll never forget that you did that for her.

Much love from NJ,