Many conflicting thoughts this weekend and as the new week begins.
This year, the kids spend Spring Break with the Ex. Nevermind that he kind of forgot to tell me that "Spring Break" to him means two weeks (my week included) as well as a few days off from school. that fight is there and gone.
As the kids packed to leave, excited at their prospect of a week with cousins, traveling south to visit colleges with dad along for the ride, I had such conflicting thoughts.
1) Glad they are spending time with cousins. They don't get that enough;
2) glad they are getting the "college tour" thing started;
3) devastated that I am not there with them.
Nevermind that I have been at work for 14 hours already today and am posting before going home. nevermind that I have a trial in 3 weeks and DO NOT HAVE TIME for college visits. Nevermind that 1/2 the colleges on the list my Daughter has no interest in and ALL of the college are of Zero interest to Son.
It doesn't matter. These are my babies. And I should be visiting colleges with them.
As the Captain Held me Sunday as I sobbed all of the above to him, he said, "Be thankful you feel this way about your children. Rejoice that you love them so much that you want to be with them. And embrace it. Then let it go and go do your job. Your children still love you."
Daughter called me this afternoon after the first visit - sadly I couldn't take the call as I was with clients in our meeting. But I called her back, chatted with the Cousins, and we're going to try again later.
Sometimes the Captain? yeah I think he might be God's personal messenger....