Monday, August 30, 2010

The Secret Men Keep

I've mentioned this once before, but Men are keeping a big secret from us. And I'm hear to blow their cover.

For years I stayed in the house, vacuuming, dusting, cleaning bathrooms, while Ex handled the "outside work," under the guise of "you stay inside where it's cool while I slave outside in the heat." Now I admit, I have a great vacuum, and love it almost as much as Suzy loves hers. (OK I can't find the hilarious post about her new vacuum - you'll just have to read all her funny stuff and find it!)

But nothing, oh no nothing, that I have for inside cleaning compares to the Power Tools Men Have.

They claim this is Work?? Are you kidding me? Saturday I bought myself a chain saw and tackled the tree that had fallen in my backyard weeks ago. Son was supposed to clean it up before he left, but didn't have time. So I researched, asked advice, bought the tools and cut the sucker down myself. It was so empowering! So awesome! FUN. Take that Power Tool and whack through a giant tree trunk like it's PAPER. Powerful. And no I didn't cut any of my own body parts off. Didn't even come close. (Not like when Ex was trying to cut down a tree, fell off the ladder with Chain Saw Running, fell 20 feet onto a split rail fence, which he split in 2 with his own girth, and then refused to go to the hospital.....)

Then there's the lawn. Fire up my new Toro Lawnmower - the one I bought myself to replace the pain in the a$$ mower Ex left me that you need to mix oil and gas. 2 cycle blah blah engine blah mix stuff blah. Nope my Toro you just dump in the gas and GO. Self propelled. Mulching (bagging is so passe). Do you have any idea how many calories you burn when you push mow 1/2 acre?? 374 calories an hour!! Calories burned vacuuming for an hour? 208. bah. Plus you get to be OUTSIDE in the SUN soaking up Vitamin D!

And my personal favorite - the Leaf Blower. Strap that sucker on to your back, fire it up, and blow the hell out of leaves, sticks, grass clippings. And voila! A clean back patio. Clean driveway. So much more satisfying than dusting where you have to pick up every knickknack and then vacuum afterwards.

Yes Ladies, don't be fooled by your Man. Tell him HE can do the housework. Grab those power tools and start having FUN!


Busy Bee Suz said...

You are so funny!!!!
I also prefer yard work, much more fun...and oh the love of power tools. *sigh*
You can really get out some pent up regression with a chainsaw can't you? I have not tried this, but you make it sound liberating!

TAG said...

Get you some chainsaw chaps if you are going to do much of that work. (Not to mention a hard hat with eye protections screen and ear flaps.)

I have more than one set of pants with a battle scar from a chainsaw. I also have one uncle (a medical doctor) who ended up putting 5 stitches into his own thigh after a minor disagreement with his chainsaw.

He got the chainsaw chaps from us for Christmas later that year.


Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I once ripped out our back yard while my husband was out of the country--and it was empowering, you're right.

Gigi said...

When I'm in the midst of a project I have no problem grabbing hubby's power tools. It makes him nervous - but I don't have time to wait for him to do it for me - I want it done NOW. Have you used a belt sander yet? Ahh, talk about satisfying, much more so than dusting.

ChiTown Girl said...

You go, Girl!!! More POWER to ya! ;-)

dkuroiwa said...

i just flashed on tim allen in his shop, making those 'hoohoohoohmmmm' noises and i'm chuckling over here!!!
have fun!!
"i have a chainsaw and i know how to use it"
you need a bumpter sticker!!!

Natonne Elaine said...

I thought I was doing all the heavy lifting with my Neuton mower (battery powered, Baby & quiet as a mouse) because my lawn is on a slope (talk about workout). But chain saw & leaf blower. More power to you!

Paranoid said...

My favorite summer job from when I was a kid was working doing maintenance for my school system. It was meant to be a perk for the football team, but a teacher encouraged me to apply (yay feminism!). You think pushing a lawn mower is fun? Try riding one of those enormous commercial jobbies. AND getting paid for it! That was a great summer.

Of course, now that I'm old, I melt if the temperature is over 80 degrees. Mowing the lawn lost its charm for me about 5 months after we acquired our first lawn in 2000. I did it grudgingly for another few years, but quit completely when we moved to the steamy south, where it hits 85 degrees and 80% humidity before 9 am from May-September.