HEY KEN IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU

Why do you come here every day?

It's not about you. Maybe once it was. For a long time in my life it was. All About You. What you thought. What you wanted. What you needed. The Rules you Made. The ways I failed you.

But Now? It's not about YOU. You wanted your freedom 12 years ago. Yet I stuck by you for 11 more. You never loved me. You asked me to get out of your life and leave you alone. Not contact your family. Not step in your yard. Not write to you. Or Call you. Or be socially pleasant to you.

And so I did. But still you hate me. Still you do stupid and obnoxious things to me that hurt and confuse your children. Yeah Your Children, but no you don't hurt me. Because me? "can't touch this." Remember what we used to say long ago? "If you didn't care it wouldn't upset you so much." And I have found you don't upset me any more. Make me laugh at your silly, ridiculous ways? Yeah. Wonder about your hypocrisy? Yeah. But that's about it.

So if you are so hell-bent on removing me from your life, why do you visit my blog every day?

It's not about you. And I have nothing for you here. Go get your own life. I have gone and gotten mine. And? It's pretty damned good.

I Missed It! And About a Boy and stuff

Mileposts I have missed:

My 200th Blog Post! Here I was just blah blah blahing about nothing. And there it went. This is my 202nd post. In less than a year. I apparently have a lot to say about nothing.

And tonight? While driving around with Son - who has gotten to the point where letting me drive is ok - we had a Chat about The Future and College and Majors and stuff. Son and I don't always connect. He is much like his Father, which isn't all bad mind you. And unfortunately, when they were little for too many years we did "divide and conquer" so I spent a lot of time with Daughter and Son went with Ex. I realized almost too late what was happening and tried to change things. Then the Big D and well I got lots of time with Son.

Anyway I digress.

Son and I had some deep chats and when we were all done I asked, "So was that helpful at all??" And he thought for a moment and said, "Yeah. Yeah it really was." Music to my ears. He really is an amazing Boy.

Why oh why oh why do all 3 dogs insist on sitting in my office, 2 chomping on bones and making quite a racket when they are not my dogs? Only Queen Bee is mine. And she's quietly sitting and contemplating her navel. Such a good girl. DumbRunawayDog (DRD) is visiting again while Ex is away. She's actually gotten loads better but for the need to chomp bones constantly. And Stinky? Insists on chomping either on a bone or on DRD. Or both.

one last bit of things that make no sense and ramblings. I got my prize in the mail from Mama Milton - my Book! Woot! I had forgotten I won it. I love Blogging.

And speaking of loving blogging, I am going to San Diego and going to meet my Bitches! that deserves a Month of Posts! wooooot!

The Blessing in the Thorn

Sometimes we find people who remind us just how lucky - and weak - we are. And remind us that we can choose to be strong. If you do not know Misty at A Road Less Traveled, well you should. She will inspire you. Unless you are a plastic mannequin. But even then? Ever seen the Movie Mannequin?

Ah, I digress.

See Misty is facing some amazing challenges in her life. Yet she finds in each one a blessing. Strength. A gift from God. I have learned these lessons from which she draws her strength. I have studied them in various churches. I like to think I have Faith. That God and Jesus have a purpose in my life.

And yet last tonight? I threw a temper tantrum at my son for some silly stuff, all because I had a rough day/night at work and am totally stressed and seriously burned out.

When I should be thanking the Lord I have so much work. I have more billable hours than I can handle. Which in this economy means I have a job. Means my kids can go to their fabulous private school where they are thriving. Means they will go to college. Means we can afford luxuries like trips and cars. Means I don't have to wonder how I will afford bread and milk and medicine when they are sick. Means I can afford the time and money to give back to those who don't have a darned thing.

So Misty? Thanks. A Lot.

And God Bless You. And little Isaac.

Getting The Call

Client Development: the necessary evil of the Lawyer who wants to eat.

For now, I'm an "associate." Like the baby cavegirl, I eat what the BossMan kills. I don't have to eat yet what I kill myself. But sometime in the near future I will be expected to Eat What I Kill. It seems like an easy thing to do, but it's actually quite hard. Sometimes client relationships can take years to develop.

Unless your law school roommate is the General Counsel of Giant Company. But my law school roommate is my Ex, so yeah, not so much.

But I go to a number of tradeshows and meet and greet and press flesh and kiss babies (ok maybe not babies) and sell my firm's abilities.

And yesterday? A person I met about a year ago, who hired me for a small matter last summer, called me and said, "Girl Next Door, I need you. Here's the deal...here's the letters...here's where I want my business to go. And you're the one to do it."

Awesome.

Nevermind that I'm already on 4 hot cases and going to trial in a few weeks. MY client called ME for HELP.

Awesome.

Getting the Call never felt so good....

Text of the Month

From Son: "we destroyed. dominated. conquered and sold the natives as sex slaves."

why? because THEY SWEPT THE DISNEY COMPETITION! oh yes they did - won first place in every category in which they competed and the "best soloist" awards ALL went to kids from their groups!

So I texted him to congratulate him (Daughter had been texting me madly to tell me about the wins. Girls are communicators, yes they are!), and his response was the lovely text above.

I laughed out loud.

And am keeping it forever.

The Scene of the Crime

The other day I came home and found this on the floor:And turning around, I saw "Crime Scene Tape" showing this:

Remember the story about Dogs and Chocolate and escapees from cages? Yes Queen Bee is a regular Houdini. Ever since the day she let Stinky out of her cage, opened the pantry and the door from the family room to the rest of the house, she and Stinky have been caged together in the basement. But the other day, I had just Queen bee and figured, "Ah let the old dog be out. I'll just put some heavy kitchen chairs in front of the pantry and family room doors and she'll be fine."

See that chair up there in the photo above? There were 2 - TWO - of them in front of the doors. it's not like she's in a tiny room. She has this entire leather sectional sofa to herself... (no she's not allowed on it but the dog hair I find every day tells me she gets up there anyway. She's 10 so I've stopped harrassing her about it)
Apparently, this sectional sofa and view out the slider to the backyard were not enough to entertain Queen Bee for the day. Soooo she moved the chairs, opened the pantry, ate 3 boxes of cake mix (thank goodness Daughter gave up chocolate so the mixes were vanilla) ate a tub of vanilla frosting, then opened the door to the rest of the house and ran around.

And the crime scene tape? Courtesy of Son who wanted me to know exactly where the messes were that Queen Bee made....before he cleaned them up for me. He's a good boy.

Yeah, we are Queen Bee's staff. Except forever more, she will be caged when we leave....

10 Minute Trainer, Day 1

It arrived today - my much awaited 10 minute trainer. I got home EARLY from work to take the kids back to school (huh?) so they could catch the Band Bus to Disney for their musical competition.

Neither kid was ready to go nor - gasp - wanted to talk to me. I had 10 minutes. or more. so what the hay? Let's pop in a DVD and work out. How hard could it be?

After 2 minutes I could not raise my arms. Who stole the muscles where my triceps used to be and left me with spineless sponge cake?

After 10 minutes my entire body was throbbing, legs barely holding me up.

what's 10 more minutes?

So I chose to add "lower body workout." How hard could it be?

HA my quads burned up at minute 3 and are smoldering in a pile on the floor somewhere.

My blubbery pile of abs revolted and reminded me that I ate a not-so-healthy pile of tomato soup for lunch (add 20 croutons and 6 pounds of cheese and well, healthy tomato soup? not so healthy....)

Breathing? Is that optional?

Yeah, I think this 10 minute trainer thing has possibilities.

Do YOU have 10 minutes?~!

Oh No I sound like an Infomercial...

And That's When I Knew "He Gets Me"

Having one of the many chats a day with the Captain. And he's telling me about one of his Friends, a woman who was once married. It didn't work out and she's lamenting her current state - not sure about dating, not sure about love, not sure about relationships.



And so he tells me, like he's talking to her, how they start talking about long distance relationships. He explains how ours works. And why it works. Yeah it's tough sometimes, but then again, it has its benefits. He's got his job and his responsibilities, his kids, and I have my job, my kids, my responsibilities. We can live our own lives, we share with each other in bits and pieces throughout the day, and when our schedules align we share time together. Yeah sometimes it would be nice to be in the same zip code to grab dinner or a movie or a walk in the park. But the relationship goes so much deeper than convenience or a body/placeholder for social events. She just couldn't grasp it. So he said, "What do you want - to be in a relationship or do you want to be married? Because we tried that. It didn't work. We don't want to try that again. This works. We don't question it."


He just sort of blurted that whole last thing out. I laughed. And said, "Yeah I get that."



I have tried to explain this concept to So. Many. People. So Many People "ASSUME" we must get married, or live together, or move or something. But Us? We are happy with the way things are. Today. Tomorrow. And hopefully the day after that.

This is why what we have Works. He gets it. We get it. We can't seem to explain it to anyone else - to friends, to family, to coworkers. I can't even articulate it here. But maybe I don't have to. Because? He gets me.

Ain't Life Grand?!

Awww thanks Margo over at Life In the Short Lane for This Grand Award! And thanks for reminding me that Life Is Grand: full of Grand Blessings in the grand scheme of things. And here are my Five Things about Life that are Grand Right Now:



1. This is Son at the Grand - thought it was fitting to show this photo - and fitting this week to be grateful for his grand performances. He and Daughter are off to Disney with the Band, the Jazz band and the Choral Group to compete. He'll be accompanying the Choral Group during their competition. She's playing the flute in the Band. I'm very proud!


2. Job Job Job. Life is Grand when you are not only employed but you are also doing what you love. I do love my job. OH not every minute every day, but overall? It's a great place to earn a living and maybe help people once in a while, too. And yes I am so thankful to be so blessed.


3. Unexpected surprises from friends: Yesterday when I got to my desk, there was a cute heart-shaped pillow leaning up against my pink keyboard. It said, " coffee, chocolate, men. Somethings are just better RICH" My co-worker saw it and thought of me. We had a good giggle today then I hung it on my wall.


4. Finding Courage: Lately the Ex and I have been battling through email. Truthfully it's a bunch of stupid stuff, but he has a way of belittling me with his words and donning his annoying, superiority complex. Until I asked the Captain one night, "WHY does he annoy me so badly?" And the Captain quietly answered, "Because you let him." So here's to not letting him annoy me or make me feel negative about anything and feeling grand about who I am, or who I am becoming, without worry about what was.


5. Blogosphere Friends. It's truly grand to have this world of friends, supporters, entertainers, huggers, believers. People ask me, "Why do you blog?" Sometimes, just because I know you'll leave a comment and give me a little boost.


My Grand Friends? I'm not sure of the Rules, but here are some Grand Frequent Commenters:
Cheri at Blog This Mom - I enjoy her comments here and on other blogs. She's amazingly witty.


ChiTown Girl with her awesome Son who shaved his head for Kids with Cancer.


Suz at Busy Bee who is always there for me, making me laugh, rubbing in her spectacular Florida weather...


Bumpkin on a Swing what's not to love about hanging out on a swing in the lovely, warm, southern weather?!

And all you frequent commenters - thank you and please play along!

Go Forth And Be Grand!

And then It Hit Me

Driving through the city on my way home from work the other day after 6pm. And I realized it wasn't dark out yet.

And then I saw a tiny cherry blossom tree in the median and realized it was PINK with blossoms.

As I pulled into my neighborhood I realized the forsythia is in full Yellow Bloom. And my bulbs around my lamp post? Showing purple crocuses.

And it Hit Me. SPRING CAN'T BE FAR AWAY! Praise God.
And then a snowflake hit my windshield. I wish I made that part up. Really I do. But I didn't.

Random Bits of Life

• How desperate are you to Blog? Try putting your laptop on your lap. Then put a 10 pound jack russell across your lap and your arms, just your fingers reaching out to the keyboard. And put an 80 pound lab to your left, resting her head on the side of the keyboard and snoring. Now type and surf.

• Helllllooooooo didn't I say that? Leaving the house yesterday morning:

ME: Son do you have all your rugby gear for your game tonight? [b/c I am not going to your game I'm letting you take the car [egad] while I drive your sister and her friend to shop and to practice and to shop and to dinner....so I am not available]
SON: Yes
ME: Do you have under armor?
Son (rolling eyes) YES
ME:Do you have shorts and socks and everything
SON: YES ALREADY
.....
text this afternoon...
SON: So mom if and when you come to my game can you pls bring underarmor its cold
ME: whaaaaaat you said you had it ...
SON: well I have short sleeves but it's cold 2nite...

ME: [grumble grumble insert wild mommy unpublishable texting here]
.... few minutes later...
SON: oh and pls bring socks I can't find mine
ME: WTF I thought you "packed everything.?!"
SON: Yeah I owe you big mommy. I love you
ME: sighhhhhhhI'll be right there...and you owe me a foot rub...

___________________________

• And in case you're wondering no Daughter doesn't listen either

ME: [before school on a day she's taking a field trip and needs to contact me later to pick her up someplace] do you have your phone?
Daughter YES
ME: and all your school stuff? metro card? money?
Daughter: YES YES AND YES SHEESSH LEAVE ME ALONE>
ME: as Daughter opens front door.... DO YOU HAVE YOUR PHONE?
Daughter YEEEEEESSSS
....
me, 2 minutes later as I walk through foyer on my way upstairs...and see Daughter's phone on the floor where she left it...
sigh
the phone now? Mine. She can have it back next week. So Friends? STOP TEXTING HER.

And then I clicked Yes but I knew Better...

I work in the infomercial industry - you know, 1-800-buy-my-stuff. Yes they need lots of lawyers. It's not the only kind of industry I do, but I know enough to know better than to buy that stuff. The marketers make a TON of money. Some of it works. Most of it doesn't.

Then I was home on the couch with my laptop and spoiled dogs, nursing my pussy-eyed, sinus-infected, sickly teenage son, surfing the infomercials looking for one in a current lawsuit. And I came upon the 10 minute trainer. 10 minutes a day and lose a jean size in 10 days. I scanned the fine print (I know all the rules on testimonials). I ignored the "upsells." I surfed the web for additional promo coupons or discount sites. I watched the darn thing - watched the producer who makes these infomercials all the time supposedly get sucked in to this one and try it. And of course now he has awesome abs.

The premise makes sense - stacking your workout to work multiple parts of the body at the same time.

I surfed the web and read comment boards. Dang. It seems to work. People admitted in order to lose weight and have the results on TV you have to do more than 10 minutes - for advanced results they recommend doing 3 of the 10 minute workouts a day. And duh you need to eat less. A lot less. But you can lose inches without starving yourself.

And you know what? I can find 10 minutes 2 or 3 times a day.

Something has to change. Because nothing fits. Nothing. My eating habits are horrid. My jeans do not fit. My fat jeans don't fit. My fatter, sweatpants, please-don't-let-anyone-see-me-in-these sweatpants don't fit. I don't dare wear any of my suits without Spanx.

Summer is coming. Fast. Soccer season is coming. Fast. And I can't get motivated. I've never had so much trouble!

So Tony? You and your 10 minute Trainer better get here in 5 days as promised. Because I am in need of a trainer and you are as close as I'm going to get.

Maybe in memory of the great A** Project that obviously got derailed, I will keep a counter on my blog when I start, take some stats, and see if this thing works. After all, it does have a 30 day moneyback guarantee!!

Where Did I Put That Darned First Amendment?

So I'm talking to Dad yesterday on the phone and he tells me the craziest story - one I wouldn't believe if it were a movie as too crazy - about these two Congressmen in Connecticut - Lawlor and McDonald - who have proposed Bill 1098 to regulate the Catholic Church. Dad's 78, not really that old, but well, I was beginning to think maybe his age was catching up with him.

The State Regulating the Church? Isn't there a 200 year old Constitution and some pesky amendments out there somewhere that don't allow this?

Then he delivers the punch line as only my phunny dad can: he sent an email to the aforementioned representatives. He suggested they obtain a copy of the Constitution of the US and the amendments, paying particular attention to the first one. Then he said if they didn't understand what they were reading, it should be easy enough to find someone to help them interpret it. He pretty much got it the first time around, back in his high school civics class.

So Dad's mind and wit? Still Sharp as a tack after all these years.

Some Days you're the Windshield Some Days You're the Bug

Yeah it's been one of those days:

• layoffs at the firm even though they said there wouldn't be any (and thankful I'm still employed);

• fighting in emails with an Ex who is so self-absorbed, maniacal, egotistical and manipulative you wonder how the hell you lived with him for 20 years and are so so so so glad you don't live with that anymore;

• scrambling to prepare for a hearing only to come home to a child with an eye so full of pus you know that you are NOT getting on a plane tomorrow, you are taking him to the Dr and thankful you have a big Firm full of lawyers and one has graciously volunteered to get up to speed fast and handle the hearing for you and cannot believe Ex told the child, "Just drive yourself to the Dr tomorrow." which technically the Boy could but with 1 eye swollen shut? Um, no...did I mention Ex is self-absorbed?

• drafting discovery responses at midnight with a silly puppy on your lap who insists she must sleep on your lap and not the nice comfy couch and you give in because, well, she's the baby and you spoil her;

• calling the Captain at 1 a.m. to listen to him and his brothers sailing up the Florida coast from Miami to Ft. Lauderdale on a gorgeous, near full-moon night and wishing you could be on that boat instead of on the couch with 2 snoring dogs, your laptop and a pussy-eyed** child...

• thankful that all things considered you're still the windshield and there really are just minor nuisances in your life, no major traumas. There's a new country song called "Sounds like Life to me." by Darryl Worley and the chorus goes like this:

Sounds like life to me,

it ain't no fantasy

It just a common case of everyday reality

Man, I know its tough but you gotta suck it up

To hear you talk you're caught up in some tragedy

It sounds like life to me

Do you hear that? It's me. Sucking it up.

Photo courtesy of Google Images...

**edited to clarify his eyes are full of pus! LOL thanks commenters. See what happens when you blog in the middle of the night?!

Myra, San Diego Momma and My Dad

Some time ago I won a fabulous prize on San Diego Momma, which was free business cards or other cards, specially designed for me by Myra at Moon and Back Studios. Myra has a beautiful, sleek, fresh design on her website and I love her cards, but I was trying to find just the right thing to do with this great gift. My firm provides business cards, and I am terrible at snail mail. I collect correspondence cards and never use them.

Then I started thinking about things - my Dad was retiring and he has always been a big Business Card kind of guy. He brags that they are the original blackberry - a pack of cigarettes in his shirt pocket with a business card tucked in with notes on the back and wham, his blackberry for the day: notes on who he has to call, appointments, important info. All in one handy dandy card. How would he survive as a retired man with no Business Cards?

So I emailed Myra, gave her some vague ideas of my dad (and pretty much no artistic guidance seeing as how I can't even draw stick people) and she created THIS:

You may have read that my Dad is big into Model Railroading. So I thought this was Perfect. And so did he!! Even this proof does not do it justice. It really was awesome. Thank you San Diego Momma for the great gift. Thank you Myra for being such an awesome artist and feeling person.

And Dad? Yeah, thanks for being you!

The Miami Thing

Every once in a while, I mention moving to Florida - or to Miami - as if it's a Sure Done Deal.

I wish.

Truth be told, moving south is my dream. But I am not sure when it will become a reality. Note I did not say IF. It's a matter of when.

First, the kids have to graduate high school. So I know I won't move til they go to college (fall of 2010).

Then I have to pass the Florida Bar. Actually, I am in the process of signing up to take that this summer and will hopefully pass it.

Then I have to convince my firm to move me to Florida and open an office down there. Here's where it gets tough. The economy is in the toilet (I'm sure no one has noticed but I said it anyway). Opening a new office when law firms are laying off about 1400 people/week? Yeah not the hottest idea on management's list of things To Do.

Actually our firm has a lot of clients in Florida, southern florida in particular. I've had a few cases down here myself. So I think I have a good argument lined up for them opening an office down here. Rumor has it the firm might actually be open to the idea.

Why not just jump ship and go with another firm you ask? Well, I could probably do that. But you know what? I love my firm. Yeah it's "biglaw" which can be a tough place to work. But I think you all know how much I love BossMan. And I truly like a lot of the people I work with. They are ethical. Moral. Decent. Funny. Jokesters. Caring. I know I could do a lot worse. Perhaps I could do better. Perhaps, but I'm not willing to risk that right now. If the right opportunity came along, sure I'd listen. But I'm not actively looking.

So although I will continue to talk about When I Move To Florida, in reality, I don't know when that will be.

oh and the kids? Daughter thinks it's the greatest idea EVER. She hates hates hates the cold. In fact, she's looking exclusively at Southern colleges, a few of which are in Florida. And Son? Although he wants to go north snowboarding to college, he loves the warmth and thinks coming home for winter break in Florida would be awesome!

I've Become a Lazy-Assed Follower

My mom always knew Ex and I wouldn't work out: we were both leaders. Headstrong, opinionated Leaders. She and my MIL both fretted about the union. And probably both were shocked we lasted as long as we did.

And now that I'm single? Hells bells have you seen my profile page? I've become the queen of frickin' followers. It all started innocently enough - went to someone's page and saw this new blogger gadget "follow me." So I started selectively following the blogs I really did want to read every day. And I made snide remarks in my head when I would come to someone else's profile and see them following 367 other blogs. "As if" I'd tell myself. "Get a life."

I had added a bunch of people to my "google reader" but quickly forgot how that worked. I'm pretty sure there are over 1 million articles to be read in my Google reader. if I could remember how to access it. So that was a bust.

well then life got in my way and blogging got harder. I wasn't reading as much as I wanted to. And then sometimes in the middle of the night I'd start clicking on commenters and finding cool blogs and then couldn't remember how to find my way back. I tried adding "favorites" but I have so many damned "favorite" websites it takes 3 years to get to the bottom of the list.

So harmlessly enough I started adding myself, little by little, as a follower. One here. One there. And I am in follower hell. Now I want to follow everyone I read, b/c I can click on my dashboard and click click click my way to the newest bloggy articles by all my favorites. Too many favorites. And now that's I've written this I'm going to feel guilty if you're reading this and I'm not following YOU. Not only have I become the follower my mother never thought I could be, I'm also guilt plagued (been practicing that my whole catholic life, though).

So I'm sorry if I'm not following you...yet. Trust me, I will be soon!

I'm not Dead I'm just in Miami and Surrounding areas

It's the annual conference pilgrimmage to Miami, which works for me as a bonus trip to see the Captain. And while I'm here well I just think I'll stay a while. Yes the conference is over. And me and my Lenten Promise almost survived... Now I'm working in the back yard on the computer while the sun works on my tan. It's a tough life but someone has to do it.

My Lenten promise? I gave up alcohol for Lent. Just seemed like the right thing to do. I wasn't sure how my conference buddies would react - I tend to be the life of the party after midnight when I put the lawyer suit away and bring out the fun girl clothes. But they were all very supportive - thought I was nutz, but supportive.

Saturday we went out on a booze cruise/fishing trip. No temptation at all. I drank diet coke and caught a pretty pink and blue fish that matched my outfit. They were so impressed that 1) I caught a fish and 2) it matched my outfit that they changed the "ugliest fish" prize into "prettiest fish" prize and gave it to me. $50 thank you very much. And the biggest fish prize? Went to BossMan who caught - no I'm not making this up - A SHARK. Yes a shark catches a shark. And of course we had to let it go as professional courtesy but first we took photos. About 4 feet long - dogfish shark. No I don't have the photos yet of my pretty fish. Conference goers have promised to send me photos.

Sunday was the "white party" on a yacht. Freezing cold that night. Again No temptation. Drank diet coke. Went to bed early. Woke up and ran 4 miles. great day.

Monday night our firm held a cocktail party, then I was going to dinner with a large group (some of them very persuasive partiers) then off to a late night party. So I looked out off the Wagon and jumped so far off, I couldn't see the wagon tracks. I at least waited until the tail end of our company party after reeling in 4 new clients. ;-) But yeah it was hall-of-fame Mary Lou night (she's my alter ego). Cotton candy on my head like marie antoinette. (yes there is an awesome restaurant where they serve giant cotton candy for dessert. awesome). I found a cow in my purse the next morning - an adorable mini gravy boat like a cow. Hmmmm. Had something to do with dinner. Danced like a fool with my buddies until after 2 a.m. Guess who did NOT go running Tuesday morning? But guess who DID make her 9am meeting?!

Yep I'm back on the wagon. pretty easy actually. I have been running more, exercising, going to bed at decent hours. But not blogging and not posting. Too much else going on. Like hanging out in the Captain's back yard and working (really) then making healthy dinners together and watching movies like Madagascar. Really (he's joined me on the wagon.)

I so do not want to return to the land of ice and snow on Sunday. Even if it is going to be 75 there Sunday. It's 75 here every day. Every. Stinkin. Day. 18 months and counting and I will be living here. I cannot wait.