WAIT A FRICKIN' MINUTE wasn't that yesterday?

On my blog sidebar, do you see a photo of Son and Daughter together - first day of college?

Monday I am bringing Daughter home.  She is a sophomore now.

How the hell did that happen?

Where did the year go?

I'm just hoping it hurts a little bit less when they leave me again in the fall.

Because last fall?  Sucked.

I still miss them every single day.  I still can't get used to the quiet in the house at night.  I still walk by their rooms and wish they were in them, even if they were fighting.

I might even miss the dirty dishes in the sink.  Wait.  Nope.

1 week and all will be right with the world.  For a little while.

Where Personalities Clash

I have teenagers - twins in college - and therefore it should come as no surprise there is a communication gap.

My difficulty lies in the fact that because I do NOT have a communication gap with Daughter, I feel slighted by Son. Instead of looking at the glass 1/2 full, I seem to be feeling the glass is 1/2 empty.

My head tells me my relationship with my Son is probably the "normal" one, and my relationship with my Daughter is just a crazy gift.

I suppose if I were still married that would be easier to swallow. Instead, I wonder. Does Son talk to Dad? Would he rather be with Dad than me? Does he complain to Dad about me the way Daughter complains to me about Dad? The secret stalker in me is dying to know.

OK the answer is obvious probably. I do try to keep communication open with the Son. I text him, call him, email him (not obsessively but enough once or twice a week to let him know I'm alive. And if he calls, no matter what time, I ALWAYS take the call, even if it means hanging up on a client). He is coming home tonight from college for Thanksgiving break. Es is picking him up this time (I picked him up from fall break). Part of me is sad about that - Ex arranged a ride through someone he knows at work. Ex has lots of connections to Son because it's Ex's alma mater. I can't help but feeling that Ex is smuggly content in his "leg up" on me. He refuses to communicate with me about anything. He has made lots of trips down to see Son this fall and I think he must have connections that get him hotel rooms in a town where you have to book at LEAST a year in advance on football weekends. He has lots of ticket connections, too, I think. I know he makes nasty references about me when I am not around. And so, I let the stress of a relationship with my Son - a normal stress for any parent of any college teen - be compounded by the interference (perceived or actual, who knows?) of the Ex.

I made some definite plans with Son to do things on Sunday. I let him know that he is free to bounce between houses but that I need to know if he's planning on being here because I care that he is safe. I let him know that he's spending Thanksgiving with Dad and that Mom would like to spend time with him, too. Not all his time - he wants to see friends and do stuff. But Mom wants to Do Stuff, too. Ya know?

My head gets it. The Heart is the one that needs some convincing.

Edited to add: Thanks to all for the comments and to Mom for calling me up personally. You are all right (well except for that last "Anonymous" one who is too chicken to give a name and too shallow to know what this blog is about.) I think most of this was angst over my current personal situation with the Captain and some things I have come to realize, along with the incredible and overwhelming love I have for the kids and the desire to be what they need me to be that is best for them. As it turns out, Son and I had an AWESOME weekend, a great day Sunday, and he has been in and out a lot thus far over break. He went with me Tuesday to pick up Daughter. He is an amazing child. I know he does love me. I underestimated him, too, about Thanksgiving. He said to me the other night, "I want to spend some time here because I'll be with Dad on Thanksgiving." My Dear, Sweet Boy. Amazing.

Today They Are Adults

Sigh today I am officially the parent of adults. But they will always be my babies.....

Happy Birthday to the Best Kids in the Universe! Love, Mom

Memories Amid the Rubble

Two Mismatched Earrings in the Bathroom.

Wet Towels on the Bed.

One Piece of Pumpkin bread and 1/2 a serving of Chicken Marsala.

The oily plate with crumbs from Tortilla Espanola.

Shoes in the Kitchen.

flip flops everywhere.

The playing cards out on the counter.

Trundle Bed pulled out.

Wires where the XBOX was.

Dirty Clothes you don't need before Thanksgiving.

Ooops what's that - a cell phone?

Going from room to room, picking up the pieces the two of you left behind. If I listen I can almost hear the ruckus of you and your friends, singing, dancing, teasing, telling jokes, playing games, making me laugh. This looks nothing like it did Thursday night before your arrival when freshly baked favorites awaited your arrival, everything vacuumed, cleaned and polished. (And yes, you noticed!!) Now it's Tuesday and you've both left - one in a car, one on a plane. I know you'll be back in 5 weeks, but the silence? It's deafening....

Preparing for LiftOff

For the past two years my blogging has helped me to look at life, to vent, to examine, to get feedback, to achieve vindication. When I started blogging, my divorce was raw, fresh, and constantly on my mind. I blogged to give family and friends a break from the constant complaining and sent my venting on the world, where bloggers could read or skip.

Right now, though, something else is all consuming and constantly on my mind, but I cannot face it and so I have not blogged.

I can't think about it without crying (like I am doing right now).

My head tells me it's a good thing. My heart however breaks.

Millions of parents go through it every year. It's a part of life.

It still breaks my heart.

Yes we are preparing to send the Twins to college. Two different colleges, one 250 miles away, one 550 miles away, both starting within a day of each other (at least the two schools are both south of home and therefore only 380 miles apart). There are medical forms, physicals, meal plan choices, cell phone upgrades, dorm room outfitting, budget talks, financial aid decisions, laptops, books, classes, schedules, transportation, hotels...the list seems endless. Multiply times two, add a divided household where Ex still refuses to talk, communicates when it suits him, emails but doesn't answer emails, and generally is an annoying jerk, and yeah, it's not really fun.

Add to that the kids are trying to get in their "last visits." Daughter will be gone for 2 weeks - one trip with high school friends, one trip with childhood friends. So this is my last week with her. I can't deny them their friends. But I want to say, "BUT THAT'S MY WEEK AND YOU CAN'T GO." Of course I won't say that.

And so I have nightmares of dropping them off and being alone.

I sit in my car and cry because I don't want them to see the tears.

Yes I am happy for them. Yes I am thrilled they are doing so well. Yes in a most twisted way I want them to go away to school, meet new people, travel new places.

I can't even type more at the moment....

Let me just say, I'M JUST GOING TO MISS THEM SO DARN MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Tears They are a Flowin'

It all started just a few short years ago, or so it seems. Although perhaps their 4th year of life seemed like an eternity. But alas what started in 1995 when they were three years old in Spain....their First First Day of School.....has now progressed.

Those wild twins (ok one was wild and the other just had wild hair) have turned into THESE - and here is their Last "Last Day of School" photo. I cried that morning. I cried when I took the photos. I cried when they left. I cried when I uploaded them. And now. yep. sobbing like a baby.

I had better bring a truckload of tissues to graduation.

Yes, I'm proud of them and happy they are going on to do great things. But Damned I'm going to miss them.

And This Is Why Sleep Is Optional

Yes it's Senior Time at the House Next Door and we've been busy. Prom was last Friday. Dinner for 17 turned into dinner for 17 and a party for the parents when the dinner got delayed because kids were late and the hairdresser was slow. OH well, it was fun!

That's Daughter on the right in the top photo, in the blue.

Yep three tables (and if you counted ok there were only 16 or something because one date went to the wrong house? " I dunno" as the kids say)

Here's my baby Girl with her Prom Date who used to be her boyfriend but now they're friends (yes that's OK by me AND her!)

Son made a quick appearance with his date so that I could take a photo then it was off to his place of dinner (that was a potluck so I made a tortilla espanola for him, too). No I didn't think to take a photo of Son and Daughter together. Things were a little hectic....

They posed as I took 99 photos. Yes. 99.

Then the limo bus "Chariots for Hire" showed up with the REST of the group.


Someone said there were 26 in all. I didn't have time to count.....

Now I'm uploading photos from the last 17 years onto my NEW laptop. The one Son cannot get within 10 feet of or he will be shot on sight. And when the photos are uploaded, I will work on graduation gifts. (What did Son do you ask? Click HERE)

What's that you say, Graduation is Friday? Yeah that's why I'm up at 2:30 am.

Sleep? Is overrated.

And then he RAN OVER my laptop so there will be no more photos...

Just when you think things can get no more hectic and that teens can be no more shockingly negligent - WHAM - they run you over. Or they run over your laptop.

It started with a lovely dinner - just me and the Captain, a bottle of wine, some awesome fillets cooked on the grill on Saturday night.

Over comes Son from Next Door, takes away our empty plates and our steak knives and says, "I need to talk to you."

He sits down far away - purposefully.

"Thursday was a really bad day mom. Really Bad." Ut oh. I was away Thursday. In San Diego on a conference. Far Far Away.

"You see, it all started with the Scholar's Project. I put my musical composition on your laptop and had to take it to school. But the Powerpoint locked me out and I couldn't use it anyway so I had to do my Scholar's project on a white board and wing it [Wait - your big project that is a whole year's grade? Are you going to graduate? Wait you skipped on by - this is apparently not the bad part?]

"So after school I was hanging out with some friends and I had the laptop in my book bag and we decided to skateboard and then I went home. Without the book bag. Ihaveneverdonethatinmylife. So I zipped back to school and broke in and got caught by the janitor. " [wait are you suspended are you going to graduate oh this is not the bad part?] "The janitor helped me look, but we couldn't find it."

"So I'm thinking I'm screwed and then a friend shows up Friday with my bookbag - and the laptop and the wallet and everything. Oh except someone ran over the bookbag - because I had put it down in the parking lot while we were skateboarding -and now it's in pieces....."

So this is the bad part - my laptop, with all my photos on it - prom, first and last days of school, Spain trip, Jamaica trip, Christmas - all gone?? And you took it to school without permission and simply forgot the screaming fits I had when I found it precariously perched in various parts of the house over the last few months because of how important it is to me and how if you're going to borrow it you have to ASK (even in the house) and must guard it with your life??!! YOU FORGOT ALL THIS?

Yep, that's the bad part.

The Good part? I didn't yell. I took deep breaths. I cried. I talked about lessons and learning that something may be material but may have priceless value attached to it that cannot be bought again. That he's going off to school where it might be a girl that he must treasure, or a friend, or a life.

Took the laptop to my genius neighbor who says hard drive is bent - needs a forensic specialist. For 3 million 48 thousand dollars.

Good news? My backup hard drive is only....16 months out of date, so any photos before January 2009 aren't on there.

Oh but there's more good news - my Norton online backup is there and only ran out of room that I failed to upgrade in ... June 2009. And first day of school and Spain? I uploaded them onto Picasa. And Easter 2010 and Jamaica? Some are on Facebook, some are still on the camera!

So waiting to spend the 3 million on the forensic. Going to go back to neighbor to have him build me a computer.

And? I have a slave for the summer - Son is now an indentured servant. Forever.

And then my head exploded (as a favorite blogger of mine often says....)

When it's so good you cry

I'm a crier. I cry when things are good. I cry when things are not good. I cry when things are sappy and sentimental. So naturally I cry when my kids' band plays so well .... well, it makes me cry!

Last week I chaperoned their "Performing Arts" trip to Toronto Canada. What would posses me to get on a bus with 90 High school kids, 6 teachers (4 of whom have no kids of their own, 2 of whom are too young and inexperienced to really understand high school kids), and 4 parents and drive 14 hours each way? Because my kids asked me to.

We stopped at Niagara Falls on the way up - cold in April, let me tell you. But truly spectacular.


Then we drove "80 minutes" to Toronto. Unless it's rush hour. Then it's 2 1/2 hours. With Hungry Teenagers. Bad combination.

Toronto was beautiful, although we didn't see much of it except outside the bus windows.

Friday we went to Toronto University for the competition. First our acapella group took the stage - they were amazing. My twins aren't in that - just my "other" kids. I was so proud!! Then the Wind Ensemble took the stage. After the first song I let out a "Holy Crap!" And Brother Mark was sitting in front of me....oops sorry Brother Mark. (Yes they go to a private, Catholic school). But seriously? They were that good. Then the second song Blew. Me. Away. Including Daughter's solo that she failed to mention. And so? I cried. They were that good. And I was that proud. And this is their last trip. And they're graduating in 36 days.

So yes, I cried. And my Daugther mocked me. Go ahead. Some day you will see when you have a Daughter of your own.....

excuse me, I need to go find a tissue.

Secret Momentary Delights

Some random happenings lately that have made me smile.

1. Talking to opposing counsel in Court, apologizing for my coughing, feverish sickness transmitted by kids. She says, "OH I bet you're in those daycare years, huh?" And I say, "No they are twin 17 YO's." And her look of shock.

2. Sitting in the car in the parking lot awaiting the start of Son's Rugby game b/c it's freaking freezing outside so we're waiting til the last possible second, "talking" with the Captain, and Ex walks up to the Car, right as I'm kissing the Captain.... (I didn't promise not to be a little snarky)

3. Standing in front of the Court seemingly between a rock and a hard place, when suddenly "the Spin" hits you and you're on solid footing again.

4. Your teenagers "demanding" that you go to your Parents' house for Easter - a 6 hour drive - because they miss them.

5. Your 17 YO senior announcing she has Straight A's - despite the fact that she has already been accepted to all colleges, has received a scholarship and by all rights should have a major case of senior-itis by now but that hasn't yet dawned on her.

6. Your 17 YO Daughter and Son letting down all reservations and teaching the Captain to play Kaluki (Jamaican cards) on a Friday night, complete with insults, giggles, and down right mean card playing, showing his acceptance. Finally. (Two-fer - your teenagers playing cards with you on Friday night!)

7. Your Daughter admitting she isn't very good at breaking up with her boyfriend - and you laugh together because apparently - with the Captain here for the weekend - you have the same "problem."

8. Putting the top down on the convertible in early March.

9. Sticking to your LOSE IT "iTouch" apps diet for a whole week and actually losing weight.

10. Realizing you are within 4 weeks of your Jamaican Vacation.

11. Finally finally finally teaching Stinky Butt to roll over!!!

More Surprising than Love from My Credit Cards...

Everyone knows Teenagers can be Tough. They can be self-centered. They can be ego-centric. They can be combative.

But sometimes, they can just knock your sox all to hell and back.

Last night (and the night before) were AWESOME Teenage nights.

I started working full-time on January 1. Full time as an attorney means 2200 hours a year. You do the math....

So making dinner, grocery shopping, homework, schlepping, those all take the place of sleep.

Unless you have teenagers like mine.

This year they drop me off at the metro on their way to school and pick me up whenever I call them to get me in the evenings. So far so good. Saves me about $150 a month in parking alone - net - as in $240 to park - $90 average for metro a month.

Tuesday night I got home around 6:45 - kids were starving. I threw together some quesadillas and daughter asked if I wanted to watch a movie. HA! Movie? I have to grocery shop! and Clean! And I have a 9:45 pm championship soccer game!

She said, "Watch the movie - then I'll go grocery shopping." So I did. Then, not only did they both go to the grocery store, but they came to my game and cheered us on . No we didn't win but we sure had fun! And Daughter drove me home, which is always nice.

Last night I again got home around 7pm, and again they were starving. As I walked in the house, I thought I had the wrong house. Actually, it started when I got into the car - which was totally vacuumed and cleaned out. The house? Spotless - kitchen scrubbed, drawers cleaned out, trash out, fireplace cleaned out and firebox freshly stacked with new wood; then we put away all the Christmas boxes and Daughter vacuumed upstairs without being asked. I tell you, it was the most relaxing, rewarding, amazing thing. Ever.

I think they are coming to understand that I work full time because two college bills will be starting in the fall and my career needs a little boost to pay for that. They know I try to give them what they need and more when I think it's good. Like Jamaica. They are great to help when asked - but to do all this without being asked? Simply amazing.

And that is way better than personal thank yous from my credit card company. Every time.

Ridiculously Happy

It started as an idea two years ago as Daughter, Son and I spent spring break skiing in Vermont. Daughter said, "Whose Idea Was it to go SKIING for SPRING BREAK??!! BRRRRRR What were we THINKING?!"

And I said, "OK Senior Year I have you again for Spring Break. We'll go to the Caribbean."

It was a nice dream.

Then finances and college bills and the market crashed.

And layoffs at work, and salary cuts, and no raises.

But then, the tide started to turn back a little. I bumped myself to Full Time, the firm said some of us "might" get a raise, and quite frankly, I just said, "What's a little more money. They're leaving me in September!"

And so, WE ARE GOING TO JAMAICA! I am so ridiculously happy and excited. The kids helped me surf the web and look at dozens of resorts in many different countries. The trick? Finding a room for 5.

5?

Yeah, Me, the kids, and two of their friends. Because that would be more fun than just us.

And they each found a friend who could afford to come (they have to pay for their own ticket, although I'll pick up stuff in Jamaica).

Saturday night, we narrowed it down to the Right Place. Sunday I made the call.

We're locked and loaded. Praying for good health and good weather.

So ridiculously excited.

Oh and no, mom's not bringing a Friend. At least, that's not the current plan. Daughter did ask if the Captain was coming- she invited him along. That's another shocking post for another day. We're floating the idea, but both of us (the Captain and me) think that maybe it would be better to be just me and the kids. We're exploring the option and the kids' true feelings on that. Truthfully, it would be nice to have a guy along to keep tabs on the boys. The Captain is much savvier than I when it comes to certain things. But it might add a twinge of awkwardness. oh well, we'll sort that out another day.

Jamaica here we come.

First step - DIET!!!!

Woot!

My Life Would Suck Without You

There's a cute song by Kelly Clarkson called "My Life Would Suck without You." The kids and I love it for many reasons. It's about a twisted relationship but in the end the girl realizes they belong together. The Chorus is just funny.

I think this will take you to the video if you want to get a feel for it:

Kelly Clarkson You Tube

So this morning Daughter is driving me to the metro to drop me off for work - yes tables are turned and they chauffer me around! - anyway, she giggles and says, "I bought this on iTunes last night." and plays the song.

So as I get out of the car in the middle of the street, she smiles at me and mouths "My Life Would Suck Without You."

back at you baby.

"Corazon, Mi Corazon!" Coming From the Next Room

I'm working from home today, kids are home on a senior day off while the other underclassmen take PSAT's. Daughter is supposed to be writing her college application "personal statement" essay that is due TOMORROW. (Yes a bit early I know)

I'm listening to her sing and dance around her room. When suddenly it dawns on me - SHE'S SINGING IN SPANISH. Now this shouldn't surprise me. She's going to major in Spanish.

But as I sit here and listen to her singing - rapidly - in Spanish with a gorgeous spanish accent, it dawns on me deep down - my child is Fluent in Spanish. And this thrills me.

I have always wanted to be fluent in Spanish or any foreign language. We lived in Spain for 2 years and although I can "Communicate" I would not call me fluent. I don't really think in Spanish.

But my Daughter? Clearly does. She was amazing when we went so Spain this summer. But somehow the singing (effortlessly) and dancing around her room, trying to get in the right frame of mind to convince her dream school that she is worthy (and YES she is worthy! Just ask her Mom!), well, it seems like a lifetime of hoping and planning and disciplining and learning and playing and growing and experiencing - they are truly all coming together. And that makes everything so right, so worth all the effort, the pain, the struggles.

Everything.

Heard Around the House

ME: [in my bedroom Screaming] Sh*! Damn and hell that HURT!!!!

SON: MOM ARE YOU OK???

ME: Yes Damn and Shi# and Frick OUCH OUCH OUCH

[exit Stinky Butt scurrying under the bed to escape the screaming Grammy]

SON: [yelling through my bedroom door] What did you DO?

ME: Smacked my foot into the doorway and twisted my knee - MY HURT KNEE frick frick frick!!

SON: Whaaat? How did you do that?

ME: I WALK INTO THINGS - WHERE DO YOU THINK DAUGHTER GETS IT FROM?!

SON: Oh, yeah. Right.

------- ----------------------------------------------------

[SCENE: morning before school starts - Daughter having been ready 20 minutes as usual, waiting for Son to show up from Next Door to leave for school in my car]

DAUGHTER: Grrrr we are so late YOU are Driving - I am NOT getting the speeding ticket

SON: [dragging feet and generally going as hit snail pace] NO I don't want to drive I'm tired. Plus you weren't really ready, mom just handed you a check for tonight's flute lesson. So I was ready first.

DAUGHTER: NO we were killing time waiting for you - YOU ARE DRIVING.

SON: Oh I forgot a jacket...[snail snail snail up the stairs]

DAUGHTER: [in the driver's seat fuming after backing the car out of garage to attempt to hurry him up]

SON: What are you doing? I'm driving!

DAUGHTER: NO you are late, I'm driving get in.

MOM: [WT*?] Buh-bye kiddies - always nice to see you [waving as they back out of the driveway]
-----------------------------------------------------

MOM: Have you studied for the SAT test yet? {you know the one you asked to retake b/c you didn't study the first time and you know you could do a lot better and really want to go to Dartmouth?!}

SON: I have off school two days next week - I'll study then.

MOM: Those days off are AFTER the test - your test is this Saturday.

SON: Oh yeah right. No I guess not....

Define Valium: Mother of Teenage Boy

Lately there have been lots of struggles around here - aside from the usual work, anger, exhaustion, jealousy that come from being a single parent living next door to your ex.



Lately, the Son has developed ATTITUDE and a sense of injustice.



First, for new or lost readers, know that overall, I have amazing kids. My nearly 17 YO twins are near perfect. They have very good grades, are college bound, help out in Sunday School, play sports, play musical instruments, love their grandparents. And Talk to their mother.



BUT yeah the big BUTT as teenagers are wont to do, they think they know better than I do about what is Fair and Just for them.



So Son calls Friday night to inform me he's hanging with Best Friend (fine) going downtown (fine) and coming back home at 2am (NOT FINE NOT NOT NOT NOT ). When I freak out about His assumption that he gets to go into the city until 2am, he hits me with"But I'm a good kid. I don't do bad things. Let me stay."

I hit him back with "I know you're a good kid and one of the reasons you're a good kid is b/c we try to minimize situations where you could make poor choices." And he laughs out loud. Ok I know there are many times he could make poor choices every day and he chooses not to do so. But this? Pushing the envelope.

DC until 2 a.m. with college kids? at 16? NO NO NO NO NO.

He knows I am downtown with his Sister at the Army Running expo. He knows I'm not in a position to yank his butt home. But he underestimates my ability to lay down the law by phone. [He and Friend learned that putting the best friend on the phone to advocate will not stop the steady stream of butt-chewing spewing forth from my mouth.] He underestimates the passion of my convictions (Really Son, Really? After all these years?). So .... I.....

yes I did...

I called the Ex to get his opinion. Because I thought nothing would break through the "injustice of it all" barrier for Son like a united front from warring Parents-who-are-exes.

How did I know Ex would agree with me? I wasn't certain but I was pretty sure. Despite the Divorce, I actually know Ex and his position on many things pretty well. Sure enough, Ex said, "No way no way no way. Get his butt home NOW."

I called Son back and gave him the whole united front attack. Apparently I underestimated my Son's determination.

Ultimately, I had to play the "I'm the parent and I said so" card. I hate playing that card. Although I realized - and told Son - "the reason I have to play this card is because I am the parent and you don't always know what's good for you. That's why I'm here and I'm in charge - to help you make the good decisions. If I didn't need to play this card we wouldn't even be having this argument because you would have made the right choice for yourself [being home at a reasonable hour] before ever calling me."

Ouch.

We all had to get up at 630 a.m to go to daughter's soccer game. Well, Son didn't HAVE to go but he wanted to go. (watch a bunch of attractive, smart 16-17 YO girls run around in shorts? Hells Yeah). Much to my amazement, Son continued to explain why he should have been allowed to go last night. Including the fact that although he would have had access to a 21 YO wrist band and all-you-can-drink bar drinks for $5, he would not have taken advantage of this. In his twisted mind, this makes it ok for him to go.

And that? Is why I need Valium. And why my doctor wouldn't dream of giving me even 1 tiny pill....

Excuse me, but I Have 21 more Days coming to me and I want them Dammit!

I know I know, we're greedy in June. June hits and I say, "Summer is here!" Even though officially I'm supposed to wait until June 22. (or something like that). Of course it helps the my kids are done with school at the end of May. So maybe I encroach on summer a bit in June. But seriously, it's only September 1st people and I have 21 more days of summer. So why did I wake up this morning to cold?? Summer means warm and warm is NOT 70's. Oh no. Warm is 80's - just feeling good around 85 and 90 is even better. So who flipped the darned switch 21 days early? Hmmmmmmmmm?

It's bad enough I had to go grocery shopping last night and actually plan and think about what we would eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I love summer - summer with teenagers means calling them sometime after 9am to wake them up. Reminding them to eat something healthy (reminding them to just eat? oh that, they remember). Seeing if you can get a chore or two out of them. And dinner? Well, if they're home then we grill something out or grab some of this and some of that whenever we feel like it. No homework - at least not every night - and they're old enough to figure out those summer project due-dates. And then, if they're home, watching a movie or playing a game. [Why Yes, my teenagers do still play with me! When they're not mocking me....]

Yesterday's grocery trip was all "Breakfast: fruit, bacon[first day of school treat only], pancakes; Lunch: cheese, meat, bread, fruits, drinks, after school snack-on-the-go before cross country and healthy dinner" Takes all the fun out of grocery shopping when you have to be all organized and planning-like.

Tonight will be all "do you have your uniforms, and school supplies, and set your alarms and pack your cross country bags and go to bed early." Or maybe just maybe we'll go see that Summer movie we've been talking about and haven't yet seen, just one more night....

But the thermostat? It had better be back at 85, at least until after Labor Day! Please?!

And They are Off

A certain Daughter was ready to go more than a week ahead of time. Here's the list she made and checked off. She is so organized! Now Son? He was still deciding what to wear as we were getting in the car for the airport.... (well not really but almost)

I have not seen two teenagers so excited in a very long time. Even the airport in Madrid required us to stop, enjoy the scenery and take some photos. I will say that the Madrid airport has changed a LOT in 12 years. The architecture is pretty awesome. So Son started his Picasso thing and started with photos of the airport...The beams change color as you go down the airport. It was very cool. And the ceiling has a unique wave to it.

We took a cab to our hotel, then I took the metro back to the airport to get a bag we forgot (ok maybe somebody packed too much stuff), and then finally? We went sight seeing. Everywhere we went the kids were so excited. Every experience was/is so new! While I went back to the airport, they walked over to the Retiro Park alone. They immediately encountered other Spanish students who wanted to talk to them in English. Then some Asian folks came up and said, "Hi How are you" in very heavily accented English. The kids thought it was funny that people could pick them out as Americans. Um DUH You have blonde hair, blue eyes and flip flops. It's a Dead Give Away....

The Plaza Mayor in Madrid - I took this same photo of the kids' Grandparents about 13 years ago. A strange De Ja Vu moment....

Plaza Mayor is filled with Disney Characters who make balloons and want your money. Or want your Daughter. Everywhere we went, men and boys made eyes at Daughter. Hell one just went up to her and told her she was the love of his life. Imagine his surprise when I came up behind him and said (in Spanish) "I am the MOTHER...." So when Pooh started making eyes at Daughter, Son decided to attack back with a big Hug. It was hilarious.


We also took a tour the the Royal Palace in Madrid. The tour is about an hour shorter than 12 years ago - now you only get to see the main floor, not the bedrooms and the crypt. But still? It was amazing. The best part? The kids enjoying every minute. When I thought about this trip all year, before I ever knew if I could pull it off, I thought about what the kids would enjoy. I really wasn't sure - I figured they'd love the food and some of the sights and definitely going to see old friends. But beyond that? I wasn't sure. But my kids have amazed me. They oohed and awed at every little thing. They totally absorbed every thing the tour guide said in the palace. We spent a lot of time looking at every jar in the pharmacy, every sword in the armory. They keep saying, "This is so awesome!"

And as I was walking down the street emailing their Dad to let him know we were ok, I almost emailed him, "Wish you were here." Because in truth? I had hoped that we would be friends by now. I thought about how much he would enjoy watching his kids rediscover Spain. And I am sorry for him and for them that I am the only one who gets to experience this with them. But that? Is not my fault.

Seniors? really? Or "And Then I Cried All The Way To Work"

When the Kids were a tiny baby, I used to put on Aladdin's "A whole new world" and dance around the house with them. Two Tiny New babies and a whole world of possibilities. Even then I would tear up, knowing that they would grow so fast. But the possiblities? So Endless.

As they grew, I tried to enjoy every moment. Honestly I never wished for them to go back and be small again. As they outgrew baby toys, bath seats, potty chairs, training wheels, bed rails, I chucked it all as fast as I could. I did save 1 crib for that "someday grandchild." But otherwise? Most of it is all gone, on to another family who hopefully used what we no longer needed.

And as they grew, I started taking photos - the First and Last day of school photos. A Must. even when they were 3 in Spain, we took photos. When they were small it was exciting for them. the Middle school years were tough ones - grimacing, grumbling awkward kids, Son trying hard to be taller than Daughter, who had him by 3 inches. How embarassing.

And Every Year? On the First and Last Day of School? I cried. I am excited for them, happy they are growing and learning. Blessed to have wonderful, healthy, outgoing, dynamic kids. But still? I cry.

So Friday after I took their photos and waved them good-bye as they drove themselves to school, I put on Disney's Aladdin soundtrack, sang, "I can show you the world, take you wonder by wonder, over sideways and under on a magic carpet ride. " And? Yep. Cried. Like a baby.

And I hope for them they have seen some of the wonders of the world. Have I given them glimpses of a Magic Carpet Ride? Have I been a good mom? At least sometimes? And I think of the times I yelled at them, or spanked them, or denied them something that really wouldn't have made a difference, or a game I missed, or a concert. Have I been the Mom I thought I could be back in the days of dancing on the lake to Aladdin?

And then I remember the things we've learned, taught, experienced together. The laughter, the joys, the sharing, and I know I've been a pretty good mom. And they are learning and growing and turning into wonderful adults. Not perfect, no none of us are perfect. And how boring would that be anyway?

But my babies can't possibly be Seniors In High School. Or Can they? See for yourself....

The Morning Drive

A glimpse into my morning. Why? Because it makes me laugh.

Daughter driving. Me riding shotgun putting on makeup. "V" (also 16) playing dj with her IPOD. We started with the theme to Pokemon. No I am not making this up. Pokemon.

Then a song from Twilight written by paramour. Next the doobie brothers "listen to the music." All on one ipod. All chosen by one child. Meanwhile Son quizzes V with her SAT words - one I had to admit I had never heard "oevre" couldn't even pronounce it. Meaning? "complete works of an artist." OK I have learned something new today.

And the grand finale? "Crazy" by Brittany Spears plays loudly with Son doing a dance in the back seat. Oh wait, time for one more. "Africa. "

No I am not making this up. I can't imagine crazier stuff than real life.

Welcome to my morning. I will miss this next year when they drive alone....