CLARIFICATION ABOUT ABS AND ASSES

QUICK POST FRIDAY

Based on my previous post, some of you are under the mistaken belief that I have abs. I used to have abs. As shortly as 1 year ago. Then I stopped doing my 400 cruches a day and got lazy and now I have flabby abs. To Go with my Flabby Butt. And my flabby thighs.

Things are getting pretty flabby around here. Thus my desire - my need - to join Mrs. G's Ass Project.

I will rediscover the Abs....

Enjoy your weekend folks. Mine started early with the Captain. And we're having a great time! BUFFET TOMORROW! YIPPEEE.....

I Should Have Known...

There were sooooo many signs early on that my relationship with Ex was not quite right.

Like our first Valentine's day. He lived 300 miles away. I was in college. He had graduated. He would come up to see me every few weekends. In between we wrote letters Snail mail kinds.

And we talked on the phone when we could afford it. He was 5 years older and had a job.

So Valentine's was coming and he was coming up for a school dance. I was so excited. I spent weeks shopping for him. I was a pretty poor college student - I had to come up with my own spending money, which meant long summers and winter breaks working and saving and no spring break trips and waiting impatiently for that tax check to tide me over til summer again....

And I came up with a "theme" present - a present for every part of the day to remind him of me throughout the day. A coffee mug with "I love you" hearts on it - a big mug - for breakfast. A "good" pen (Cross pen - quite the extravagance in those days) for him to take to work, a Fairfield Key chain engraved with his initials for starting the car or locking/unlocking the house. A Fairfield sweatshirt to keep him warm as he did outside chores. And a personalized pillow case I found at a kiosk in the mall (I am so un-crafty and so un-artsy it is sad) painted with a sail boat (his favorite) and a scripted note on it "Sweet Dreams Ken, Love ME" I thought it was kind of a clever idea and was excited to give it to him.

He was totally non-plussed. To put it mildly.

He already had a pen. Why would he wear a Fairfield sweatshirt when he went to Va Tech? The keychain was too big and hit his knee when he drove. The pillow case was scratchy. He missed the entire theme.

I should have known - right then and there - that we would never really "get" each other......
Instead, I felt stupid and insignificant for thinking that such a dumb idea would appeal to a smart, talented, businessman. Sigh.

Ass Project Failure - or at least very false start...

1 week has passed since I VOWED to become a better participant in the ASS PROJECT. But I am still eating too much. I did cut down the drinking significantly (please ignore that wine glass on my left). I didn't do situps every day. I didn't even exercise every day.

Mid week (weeks starting on Wednesday means Saturday is midweek) I got inspired by Son. He's joined cross country. Which is perplexing b/c he HATES to run. Something about staying in shape for Rugby. I think it's peer pressure. Love it. Anyway, we went up to CT to see my family, and he wanted to "do a 5 mile circuit."

Whoa boy. I haven't run in 8 weeks since I wiped out my knee playing soccer. OK OK the Dr said I should be good to go by now. But let me put aside my hot fudge sundae, and I'll strap on those sneakers....

I woke up early Saturday morning and thought he would forget. But he was at my side by 930 a.m. (crack-o-dawn in teenagerland) bugging me to run. OK OK I strapped on the sneakers and prepared to run.

But wait. What's this? Son says we can't just run, we have to stretch first! Along comes Daughter, who shouts, "I declare myself Ruler of Stretching Exercises! I am Captain of the Soccer team after all!" So she makes us warm up properly.

So I get ready to run - but WAIT. What's THIS? Something about pushups and crunches and "PLANKS"

Son says before we run we have to do the exercise circuit - pushups and crunches (he is amazed at my ability to crush on those crunches) and PLANKS. Something about balancing yourself on your side and pushing up off the ground with just your 1 arm and your toes. Again, I do have abs so I could do that one.

"NOW CAN WE RUN PLEASE?!"

We took off for my favorite 5 mile circuit - but after 1/2 mile my knee was screaming. After 1 mile I thought I was going to have to do the unmentionable and walk....

After 1.5 miles I was lovin' it.

Then 2 miles.

Then up the big hills while Son walked - 3 miles.

4 miles and Son announces, "I GOTTA POOP." We were still at least a 1/2 mile from home. I got him to a point where he knew where he was and he took off. I laughed to myself. He'll learn....

Anyway, I was excited about Saturday. I did almost 5 miles. And it felt good! So of course I would run again this week, right?

Right?

Maybe once?

Just a little?

Um nope. Here it is Wednesday again and I am sitting on my ASS. Isn't that what ASS PROJECT is all about? Sitting on your ass? NO? I'm supposed to be minimizing that baby?

OK OK. Maybe next week.

Because this week the Captain is in town - I did tell him to bring his sneakers so we could walk a lot. But we're going to Buffett on Saturday. that means Rum. Rhum. Lots of Rhum.

Sigh. I'm going to have this big ass forever....

"Caffeine Intoxication"

Now I've heard everything. But sadly, it might make sense.

A few days/weeks ago I blogged about my Sleepless Nights. And my supposed "hot flashes" at the ripe old age of 41. And I began to wonder if there wasn't something else going on. I've had a few twinges here and there, my female parts aren't acting properly. So I wondered.

I took a long on-line poll of my health "issues." And the on-line diagnosis? "Caffeine Intoxication." It's a case of "DUH it's been staring you right in the face!!" Yes, I wake up at 5 or 6 am and go straight to the fridge for a diet coke. I don't drink coffee.

By the time I'm walking out the door an hour or so later, I'm on #2.

Hit the office and I'm at the machine for #3. It's about 830 a.m.....

Lunch is #4 (or #5..depends...)

2pm is #5.

4pm is #6. Usually I stop there. But sometimes, lately, I've been working until 10 or 11 pm and I'm on number 7 or 8 by 9pm.

But even when I quit at #6 or around 3pm, I still have all these "symptoms."

Well DUH again.

So I am trying to wean myself and hoping that the "hot flashes" and some of the other "stuff" will go away in a couple weeks.

I still wake up to a diet coke. But I drive to work with water. I have water for a midmorning snack. Diet coke with lunch and try to quit there.

Oh except for today when I drove to the kids' school THREE TIMES (30 minutes each way) for PSAT prep classes, soccer practice and cross country practice, then to the Dr for Son's physical, then to Subway for dinner, then to Office Depot for school supplies. 12 hours later I am home. I drank a lot of diet coke on the road today....

On the bright side, I haven't gotten hooked on THIS STUFF!!

Have you heard the story about Red Bull giving college kids the risk of blood clots and heart disease? Crazy. Click on the link for the story. Suffice it to say, I won't be drinking any Red Bull. Ever.

Now if I could just dump the Diet Coke habit, all might be well....

MEMORY MONDAY - HIT THE BAT

DATE: 1970's
PLACE: Grandma & Pop's backyard, Pennsylvania
PRESENT: Siblings and cousins and a few brave neighors sometimes

Once or twice a year, mom would pile me and whatever siblings were available and drive us 10 long, tedious hours to my Grandparents' house near Pittsburgh. We started out with gusto, singing the "Pennsylvania Song" when we hit the border, but quickly peetered out when we realized we still had another 8 hours to go - PA is a loooong state when approached from the northeast.

But the trip was always worth it. Endless bottles - real bottles - of Coke awaited us in Pop's basement fridge. A little circa 1960's thing that was reserved pretty much for Coke bottles. Awesome. Oh and Dilly Bars from the DQ.

If we were lucky, our ohio cousins were visiting at the same time. JO, my age (ok ok 3 weeks younger) and Carol, my bro Flash's age (ok ok a year younger) would play hours and hours of millbourne as we got older and were the only 4 kids around. Jo is the youngest of 5 in her family, conveniently matched up in years with the 5 kids in my family and yep, I'm the youngest.

We had 2 cousins in PA, brother sister, but usually Jimmy was the only one playing. He matched my bro Flash in age.

But better than millbourne, better than a race down to Teckla's for penny candy that would rot our teeth (and God help you if you bought anything GRAPE. Grandma hated the smell of GRAPE!), the best was Hit The Bat. Get the bat, the wiffle ball, and out back we'd go.

It's a simple game, really. You pitch to yourself, hit the ball, while the rest of the kids scramble to get it. If they catch it they're up and you're out, back to the field. if they don't catch it, they have to roll/throw it at the bat that you've placed on the ground. if they Hit The Bat, they're up, and you're back to the field. OH but if it bounces up off the bat and you catch it? You're safe and still up.

Simple game, right? Sounds almost boring? But for some reason it wasn't. we'd play for hours. Trying to hit it over the row of hedges and maybe even into the next yard where you had to "sneak" over or the people would yell at you, and the batter thought that was hilarious. Hitting it so far the fielders called "relay!" and go to throw it to a partner who would hit the bat for you. And then there were the Pop Flys that somehow went backwards so that someone had to go out the secret door to Pop's bedroom and get up on the flat roof to retrieve the ball. That was the coolest. "OH but Grandma we have to go up there - we won't fall don't worry!" (Telling Grandma not to worry was like telling the Pope not to pray).

Simple games in simple times. And age didn't really matter - even when I was five and my brother TJ 16, we could all still play together.

And what jogs this memory in my mind? This past weekend I went up to CT for my nieces' 11th birthday and my sister K's "Annual" party. This year we had Special Guests. WildJim (aunt and Uncle) made the trip and are spending time with my mom and dad. Saturday afternoon, we grabbed the bat and ball and started up a game. We meaning yes Me. And my sisters. And the Aunt half of WildJim. So what if she's in her 60's! Oh we did let my kids play, too. For a little while. there was the shrieking, the giggles, the "RELAYS" and the shoving each other out of the way to get to the ball. Did I forget to tell you that Hit the Bat is a contact sport??

Thanks K and J and Wildjim for bringing back great memories!

Wednesday's Ass Project Update

Mrs. G had a great idea - take a shot of her ass, blog it and encourage us all to get down with her and get rid of these jiggly butts. And "Ass Project 08" was born (see the button on my side bar)



of course I lack the nerve to take a photo of my butt in granny pants. But that's why Mrs. G. rocks so hard.



And since Ass project '08 started and I vowed to get back to my exercise and all? How have I been doing? well....



I have rediscovered Hot Fudge Sundaes and gained another couple pounds. I don't think this is what Mrs. G had in mind.....



I did make a photo copy for Friend (sorry) Captain Rainman of my Ab Lounger workout book b/c he didn't have the book but had the lounger. We were going to encourage each other from 1000 miles away to get toned between meet-ups! He's doing treadmills and pushups and situps. And I'm eating Ice Cream. Hmmmmm.



OK SO TODAY I will really really really dive into the Ass Project. I can't let Mrs. G down! Or the Captain! By Next Wednesday when Captain Rainman Returns to my world to join me at BUFFETT (see countdown clock in sidebar) there WILL. BE. PROGRESS!!



Maybe I'll even take a photo...

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- Just Jamie is a mom of boy/girl Twins (yeah we like that around here) who is a great mom and starting a new job and apparently has photo talents, too! So go vote for #13. She needs LOTS of votes people! (There are, admittedly, lots of great photos from which to choose. But Jamie Asked First!)