The One About the Captain

Once upon a time I married a man who turned out not to be such a great choice for me. He didn't speak to me, didn't treat me with respect, didn't love me, didn't like me. So 20 years later I finally got up the nerve to give him the divorce he asked for ...11 years earlier.

About that same time, I met a man who clearly was not real but had to be from a Fairy Tale. He was easy going, non-judgmental, wise, caring, loving, funny, adorable, handsome, handy, smart, creative, and he liked me for me, not who he thought I could be some day.

One day I woke up after spending a couple years flying around the country to catch glimpses of this Fairy Tale Man and began to wonder if it was all really true or if perhaps it was a Fairy Tale. I realized that for most of my life and definitely all of my adult life, I have fitted myself into another person's (Man's) life and taken on his life as mine.

One day I woke up and wondered what it would be like just to live my life. To figure out my goals, to manage my job, to tend to my kids, to deal with my own stress and triumphs and losses, without leaning on another human being (Man) to help me cope.

Because I began to wonder what I was really made of, what really mattered to me, and what I might truly want out of my life.

And so I told the Fairy Tale Man that I needed to let him go for a little while. Maybe even forever.

At first Fairy Tale Man was not happy with me. He did not understand, because he never pushed his life on me, or made me do things I didn't want to, or judged me. He just listened. A lot. And talked to me. A lot. And shared things with me. Always.

But then, because he is the amazing Fairy Tale Man, he managed to put himself in my shoes, feel my feelings, and totally understood why I needed to be by myself for a while. or maybe forever.

Which naturally made me think I was completely losing it, losing him, losing my mind, and taking a stupid, stupid step.

But I did it anyway.

And so, as part of Taking Back My Life, I am going it alone. For at least a little while. Although Fairy Tale Man manages to keep in touch in the most caring ways. And I manage to call him. A Lot. And he always answers. Because first and foremost, He is my Friend. I hope I am fortunate enough to always have him as my Friend. Even though I do not deserve that.