Missing in Action - Again

Sometimes I get all good at the almost daily blogging thing, other times I get distracted. Obviously I have been distracted of late. Life is changing, throwing challenges and I'm just not sure how it all fits in. So I work hardly and on the weekends I play very hard to avoid decisions that must be made.

And then sometimes someone very close to you (niece) gets very sick and you are beside yourself. But then by the grace of God they get better and it's all good again.

It's been that kind of two weeks. All is well on the health front we think. But on the ME front? Not so good. And it should be good - I have a great job, got a great evaluation the other day, love the people I work with, have a kick butt family.

But something is missing.

or someone.

And as much as I am sure I need to be "not in a relationship" right now, that doesn't stop me from missing someone all the time. And I can't drag myself out of this funk.

It's only been 6 weeks. We dated for nearly 3 years. Yes, right after Ex moved out, the Captain came along and moved into my life. We still talk to each other (is that good or bad? I don't know? I think it's good?). We haven't seen each other since Labor Day. No plans to see each other ever again, although I think we both think that someday we will see each other again. But not until next year...

Last week I got a phone call from someone in Florida with a job opportunity. It was so thrilling and exciting and nerve-wracking all at the same time. Unfortunately they haven't called back so I'm thinking I wasn't the right fit (and probably I wasn't). But it awakened in me the reality that I really do hate being cold and I really want to move to Florida. It just seems like a gigantic undertaking to make that happen. And a scary undertaking because have I mentioned I have a great job and work with great people and I have a mortgage to pay and kids to put through college?? And no my firm won't move me to Florida. We've already talked about that.

Sooooo I wallow in my indecisiveness, wondering what to do with myself. I'm still missing the kids, not looking forward to the holidays. I decided, for various reasons, that it's in the kids' best interests to be with the Ex's family for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'll be with my family on Christmas day, which I'm excited about, but I haven't yet decided what to do on Thanksgiving day (my family is too far away). Yes I've had offers because people rock, but I just don't want to be with someone else's family, you know?

And so the blogging goes on only in my head....